tips on writing porn
1. Drop it if you're a retard.
2. Die if you still insist on it.
3. Get laid, which is your only saving grace. If you're actually not a virgin, now's the good time to sodomize your neighbor's livestock.
4. Fornicate with only the help of a plastic ladle.
Scratch that.
To reprise, don't ever find yourself shoving the wrong foot with this kind of disgrace:
http://www.fanfiction.net/r/4442233/
I will be trite in my response, but before anything else I want you to feast on these lines the moron was kind enough to share to her viewers:
" “That’s it Akai, suck on it harder…” She was kneeling on the floor while Mori was sitting on her bed with his legs apart with Akai between them"
" Ken groaned and she did too when she felt Mori inserting something inside her ass. A long string of ass massager was placed inside her, it’s a long string with many black balls attached to it; she flinched as she felt each ball was pushed in."
"Ken groaned and she did too when she felt Mori inserting something inside her ass. A long string of ass massager was placed inside her, it’s a long string with many black balls attached to it; she flinched as she felt each ball was pushed in."
" She moaned as Mori’s fingers rubbed the slit of her pussy."
"he started plucking her nipples; her hand crept up to clench on his pants. Ken signaled Mori to do something and Akai groaned when she felt Mori’s tongue hit her spot."
"she flinched when Ken rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger."
"she moaned silently as Mori spread her thighs to lick her and her mind went wild. She felt like exploding as Mori licked her while slowly pulling out the toy from her ass."
My grateful response: Fuck the cunt who'd ever come up with something like this.
posted by betyoulovethat at 12:17 PM
23 Comments:
There is seriously no reason for her (the author of the fic) to exist. She probably goes through her day without pausing for a moment on fantasizing about boys having sex with her, who, she knows, won't ever come close to looking in her direction. Pity the fool.
8:26 PM
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8:32 PM
This is what you alerted me for? A moron making a shit out of herself for everyone to see?
I didn't finish the first chapter as my eyes hurt whenever they're exposed to heavy radiation. But I will say that the lines you posted here merit nothing less than a special place in the seventh circle of hell in Dante's Inferno. Like you said in your review, it's insulting to have to read anything like this. In fact, I'm tempted to flame her in Filipino (she's a Filipino) to get my message home. I swear to you there's nothing quite like swearing in your native tongue.
But you know what, even that wouldn't be enough. I don't mean to sound hypocritical but this shit just offended me more than any real rapist could actually have done. I don't read lemon but I reckon sex scenes can sometimes smash through lines of vulgarity and come out tolerable. Novelists do that. This, however, this person-whatever--has no right whatsoever to write about it, not when she didn't even consider what it's making her sound like.
10:27 PM
She's schizophrenic enough to believe that Rukawa really exists and hoping she could get it on with him. =)
Nice to see you guys again.
11:04 PM
Here are some fics Kaiser and I flamed before:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5031224/1/The_Paper_Boat
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4916312/1/From_His_Towel_To_His_Heart
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4915740/1/PS_Im_crazy_for_you
I'd definitely like to go into Naruto, but it's so muddled I can't quite read a single one no less. Lol.
11:16 PM
Okay, so I sent that bitch a PM directing her here. Now all that's left to see is if she shows up or not.
12:26 AM
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8:49 AM
Listen guys, let's not get ahead of ourselves and assume that her hormones just went off the scale and let them write for her. I have reached a brilliant conclusion and am now 100 percent convinced that this fucktard is simply a curious psychopath case who dreams of participating in a high school gang bang so she can earn her own keep and provide for her starving family in some third-world country... oops, I just actually phrased a perfect definition for a sex-starved bimbo whose idea of writing doesn't surpass the ability needed to recite the English alphabet.
Hey you wannabe porn star, let's bet how many dicks you'd be sucking on your way from your bed to the door. I'm sure they're just all in your head but so is this fic of yours.
Kaiser: Thanks for the update. But the loser may not show up because, duh, she's a loser after all.
Strider: quit complaining. Doncha know what you're missing by not reading the next chapters? It gets better. By that, I don't mean the sex or anything that leads to orgasm. You know...
ivyblue: the Naruto category is an awesome suggestion. That would be easy, you see: practically everyone there is a moron.
8:51 AM
Ah, well, that's what I'm afraid of. I made sure my PM was provocative enough to make her curious about what we wrote about her here. Maybe her brain's still at the level of an invertibrate's, and to her my message was a set of unintelligible squiggles or something like that. Yeah, she's seriously a lunatic. Probably fell off the Empire State Building and landed on her head when she was little.
As for Naruto fics, sure, why not. I mean I don't know much about Naruto, so you guys'll have to do the fic-hunting and all.
Today by the way this new Mary Sue fic popped up in the SD category, and I flamed it first thing. Linked it up to this blog, but an hour later the story was deleted (hence my deleted comment).
9:58 AM
Dude, I find no enjoyment in reading about how some body part got mangled by some other body part. I don't have your stomach.
But you know, I could use reading stuff that you used to post around here. Any new customer?
2:31 PM
Kaiser,
Would have been fun if you kept a copy of that fic in your hard drive. But as it is, let's just leave it.
Strider,
to answer your question, refer to my latest blog post.
ivyblue,
The Naruto category embodies everything I ever hoped for and more. I wasn't within twenty-four hours of flaming when look what cropped up. Two lovely finds.
10:45 PM
Guys the fic that was deleted... It's been reposted: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5156307/1/Ice_Man_and_His_Girl
4:06 AM
Their reply to my review:
Subject: Hi-I just want to confirm some things.
First of all I just want to say any 'thanks' to you...
But anyway, I'd like to confirm two things :
FIRST, I'm not delete my story because of I want to delete your critize.
Okay, that's true that I'm a bit hurt because of your words that REALLY-REALLY
uncontrol. But, I've been thinking and that's true if you say some part of
that still needs more change. So, AS YOU ASK ME TO DO, I delete that and
re-write that to this story. Don't you realize that I used a different words
on that, and I don't use DUNK there? Fool you if you didn't see that. If I
only make a change, so it would be too much. I must change the contains and I
must change the title. Doesn't that means ALL of them?
SECOND, I think you still didn't realize that THIS IS A FANFICTION. I can
write anything what I want, including if I make Rukawa lives on Mars. Lots of
people write fanfics like this too, you know? And anyway, who you are so you
can tell that Rukawa doesn't have eyes for girls? You never been in Takehiko
Inoue's head, right? And even though in the story he never ever looks at a
girl, I make this is happen after ALL OF STORY. What do you know after that?
No one know. And I never mentioned that this girl is the most beautiful woman
in the planet. I just say that Rukawa is impressive with her ability in
BASKETBALL. Please you underline the BASKETBALL, because what I want to tell
is, Rukawa still thinks about BASKETBALL, NOT the GIRL. Write that in your
head.
And anyway, if you said that Rukawa never has eyes for girls, do you think
that means Rukawa is a GAY? Because I've seen some of your fanfic is about
RukawaXSendoh and RukawaXMitsui. Rukawa also NEVER EVER has eyes for them. He
just always gives them more attention because they're good in basketball and
Rukawa wanna try to beat them. FACE THAT. If you said that I need to GET REAL,
I think you should do that too.
Just that. Please think over about that, and I want to tell you to watch over
your types. Lots of people will easily get mad if you keeps tell anything like
that. You can use a softer word if you don't like the story. And anyway, I
WON'T change my stories. And that means I WON'T delete it too cause WON't make
any change.
6:52 AM
My reply:
You still don't get it. I never said that only 'some' part of it needed change. Your entire story, every line of it, is crap, and cleaning your fic up is essentially equivalent to erasing it completely. For your information, I realized perfectly well that you rewrote the story. Unlike retarded morons who submit spam on stories in a lame and amateurish attempt at flaming, I actually read through at least one chapter before flaming, and that's pretty much the reason my flames are actually relevant to the story and are not some poorly constructed sentence comprised for the greater part of misspelled expletives. You probably didn't read my review, or maybe you can't read. That explains why the the phrase 'the other story' went over the top of your miserably empty head. So what if you deleted the word 'dunk' and made other insignificant changes to your fic? You can't clean a pile of sh*t up by remolding it.
Give me a minute... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's the lamest excuse for retardation I've ever heard in my life. "I can write anything what I want, including if I make Rukawa lives on Mars." Ignoring the innumerable errors in this essentially simple sentence of yours, I gather that you're justifying stupidity and saying that it's okay for people to make fools of themselves by posting 'anything they want' on the site. Don't make me laugh. You probably have no self-respect -- and it's probably going to be a million years before the word even penetrates through to the center of your skull, where there is, surprise, surprise, nothing -- but that doesn't mean that others don't, and seriously, reading sh*t like your story could lose anyone their self-respect.
Oh, you don't have to mention that your Mary Sue isn't the most beautiful woman. The b*tch is pretty much screaming, "I'm a Mary Sue!" The very fact that Rukawa's 'impressive' with her basketball skills means that she has somehow, miraculously, going against all the laws of nature, managed to make him enamored of her. This goes to show how little you understand of things outside the toilet bowl, in which your brain probably fell, if you ever even had one. Throughout the series, Rukawa was NEVER impressed with ANYONE'S basketball skills: not Sendoh's, not Fujima's, not Maki's, hell, not even Sawakita's. He was jealous of them and determined to surpass them in ability, but never impressed with them. And you're awfully stupid if you couldn't understand that.
Ah, that's exactly what a moron like you would say. You try to justify writing something as blasphemous as a Mary Sue fic with your aversion toward yaoi. The difference between Rukawa being gay and Rukawa being hooked up with some nonexistent female that emerged from the trashy wasteland that is the delusional mind of a Mary Sue author such as yourself, is that there is more than a certain amount of credibility in the interaction between Rukawa and the boy who comprises the other half of the yaoi pairing. Rukawa and Sendoh have actually interacted in the series, and so have Rukawa and Mitsui, so a good author can both keep them in character and make a pairing out of them at the same time. You probably shut your eyes during those instances in the anime or skipped the pages in the manga because in your head the only person who deserves to be spoken to by Rukawa is you.
Like I said in my review, get real. Or you could lock yourself in your closet and get rid of the key -- whichever you prefer.
7:30 AM
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10:36 AM
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!
Kaiser, please tell me that that message is a joke because I wouldn't be able to stand one more corny punch line if you pop one. I swear to you I'd totally snap.
Okay, assuming that the retard did not just commit those errors and exhibit linguistic deficiencies unknown yet to human kind (actually forgetting it is akin to ignoring a life-sized mammoth dancing ballet in front of you), what right does she have to bash yaoi? To even question it when yaoi writers just prove on every occasion that they're better than Mary Sue writers? It's true that in some sense the levels of ridiculousness of Mary Sues and yaoi are even, but in such cases yaoi writers do make up for it with style and substance. If the OC writer is good, well, things wouldn't have come to this.
This protozoan mentioned that her MS is an awesome basketball player. Tell you what, a Mary Sue whose skills in basketball take Rukawa's breath away IS a worse Mary Sue than the one who's beauty takes Rukawa's breath away. It just is. There's something about it that screams 'consolation prize' and 'I'll settle for a kick-ass Mary Sue because a pretty one is overrated'. Lots of people don't see it but this attempt to be profound is getting sillier than being just plain shallow. It shows how few the choices they allow themselves in writing stories. Even language or lack of it doesn't have anything to do with it. A pity.
This thing doesn't know what a Mary Sue is. I would've left her alone because her poor language abilities compelled me to pity, but having read what she has to say about yaoi, darn, I'm not just going to let that slip.
10:37 AM
As much as I wish it were, it's not a joke. Sorry, dude. You've probably realized that, after reading her fucked-up fic. Yeah, that's true. It's like those Mary Sues in that one story that was posted a couple of years ago who beat the Lakers. It's hard to speculate what kind of Mary Sues those morons are capable of conceiving. There's already that poor, bitchy type who hates the realistically impossible overtures that Rukawa indefatigably makes to her; we've already had plenty of multi-millionaires who emigrated from other countries into Japan after some serious family misfortune befell her; we have only too many of these so-called 'ice-princesses'. Next thing you know, we're probably gonna have an astronaut who got sucked into a black hole and emerged unscathed because of her Mary-Sueness.
Yeah, it was a pretty pathetic excuse for her justifying OC-writing. OC writers are almost invariably yaoi-haters, and retarded. That equates to double the harshness in a flame, I guess. Haha. Serves them right. Haha.
I feel invigorated. More fics! Mwahahahahahaha
8:35 PM
Back in action I see.
But reading the entries and yes I did check the link itself, I felt like I'm seeing those hentai sites in written words.
It's sick, man.
12:38 AM
Celestial Maiden!!!!! Fantastic to have you back in tow. Business is open, as usual. How has everything been? I'd like you to send you an e-mail one of these days, very soon. There are things that can't be said around here. See you around, okay?
3:44 AM
Kaiser, are you sure that the thing that sent you a message isn't in fact a koala? You better check 'cos it might be running out of bamboos--wait, do koalas eat bamboos?
So, she brought up the classic issue of 'critizing', which I'm always ready to welcome if need arises. Unfortunately for it, it chose to be hostile; and because it did, it shall earn itself a golden spot in my favorites' list.
It doesn't act like it's a 'bit' hurt. Its rants sounded more like squealing under some gigantic weight of all the things it has yet to learn: wanting to confirm the number of things it wants to confirm, for instance.
As to its opposition to the idea of Rukawa being gay, I'm more convinced that the bastard is asexual.
4:07 AM
I think pandas are the ones that eat bamboos. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that the thing wasn't a koala. Its species is unidentified as of yet, and an accurate estimation would place its IQ around 10,000 points lower than that of a jellyfish. A dead jellyfish.
Anyway, the worm got what she deserved. =)
4:14 AM
*Argh! I meant 'deserved what she got'. Darn it. Actually it works both ways.
4:14 AM
Hi Bet! Sure you can email me.
I forgot to mention when I read those 'things' it made me think aside from the hentai stuff but also if it's an orgy in progress.
And the word slut comes into mind...
8:46 PM
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