Mary is now a FUCKING star

today, i flamed for the first time in almost three years

2012-02-06T04:59:00.002-07:00

is it on?

the art of master-baiting

2009-06-21T22:02:00.009-06:00

I love it when I get swift responses. It makes me think that all is well and swell with the world.

I have to admit that this is boring but hey, it's better than nothing. I went on a rampage the other day to see if there are still those who'd act graciously once they got the ring from me.

Bingo. We have two customers on the line.

Author: Aiko of the Akatsuki
Title of story: My Pain is Yours
Summary: Two kunoichi fall prey to the Akatsuki and each finds themselves seduced by different men; but their story is the same: she fell in love with him, he her. However, each seems to have their own secrets... Hidan/OC, Itachi/OC, Pain/Konan-Expect LEMONS!
My rating: S-class shit.
My flame: HAHAHA.
This flame actually sounds like any other flame I've sent to those delusional enough to write about the Mary Sue they want to be, the Mary Sue who would inexplicably fall from the sky and straight to the world of Naruto, and be the object of love of those who cannot be easily motivated to love.

You are so original. Has anyone bothered telling you that? You are. You're so expert at twisting characters out of character that I'm starting to believe you can be offered a membership at the Akatsuki org. Your specialty would be something like melting hearts or something. Or wait, don't tell me you've thought of that already? Sh!t. Why do you keep getting good ideas before I do? Don't you know that I'm the queen of all Mary Sues by birth?

Okay, enough. Your characterizations are so weak and cliched and I don't find anything in this that's remotely tolerable. It's just bad. You made everything so contrived and convenient for your pairings to come together. Ever heard of conflicts? Real ones? Convincing ones? I doubt I you even sat long enough to sip a coffee on it or something.

Her response: Ah, a flamer eh? How kindly of you to stop by and grace us with your
presence, although I must ask, were you being sarcastic? Attempting to piece
together the puzzle you've left for me has been quite a little project, no?

Beginning of course at the start of your review, you state that, "This flame
actually sounds like any other flame I've sent to those delusional enough to
write about the Mary Sue they want to be, the Mary Sue who would inexplicably
fall from the sky and straight to the world of Naruto, and be the object of
love of those who cannot be easily motivated to love".

Itachi and Hidan can quite easily be 'motivated', if you prefer to deploy
that term, to love in my opinion. Not only that, but this is FanFiction for
Jashin's sake my darling; anything can happen.

I mean, I could've easily gone and wrote about what happened in my OC's
pasts, but that is time consuming and would ruin the plot twists I have laid
out in my story already.

My response again:
Nope, I'm not being sarcastic. Whenever I pull on that stunt I have to accustom myself to expecting that people won't get it right away or in some cases, at all. That's why I gave up on sarcasm a long time ago. I'm generous on my good days, and noble on my worse ones. How can you even suggest that I'm being sarcastic? I'm a community volunteer for chrissake! I tell people to shut up soon as they start making a moron of themselves, and I do it for free: ergo, I do it for the good of everyone. Look at the review I just gave you.

Alright, let's cut to the meat. Your story's predictability can work easily as a gagging machine if you feed it with just the right amount of batteries. The first paragraph of my review sums up everything it is and everything it's going to be and if I mised anything, that's because I had dried milk for a midnight snack. May I remind you, for the last time, that the characters you want to pair up with your Mary Sues (who are the pimped up versions of yourself) are S-class murderers? Capable of homicide without regard for anything pretty? If you follow this line of logic, yes, only Mary Sues can melt that kind of hearts.

This is not to say, though, that it's impossible to write an OC fiction about them. Some good authors have done that before. You, however, draw from all excremental cliches and cram them in one document so that you can represent the fantasy that you no longer can hold back in. It's just plain retarded.

I stated my case clearly. You made things so convenient for your OC's that I'm led to believe you've imagined yourself a thousand times in their shoes, hoping to earn love the easy way. I talked about real conflicts and dilemmas and I find none in your fic except for the dilemmas I'm faced on whether I should go on reading or not. You mentioned that it's fan fiction, implying that one can do whatever he wants with it. But does fan fiction have to suck this bad? Why not ask yourself that question? I'm glad that you decided against writing about your Mary Sues' past, because I'm sure that would just absolutely crown the already unbeatable crappiness of your plot.

Don't write lemon for humanity's sake. It's enough that we get to have a glimpse at your fantasies, but sexual fantasies are another story. Toe off the line. I'd rather drown in romance paperbacks and never see the light of day again.

Have a good day,
Bet

And another:

Author: emogirl1790
Title of story: Natsuki
Summary: When a girl from England is transported through a puddle to Konoha 5 yrs after the Kyuubi's attack, will she use the opportunity to help Naruto's path in life? Or will she simply stand and watch? And does Konoha have more in store for her? KakaxOC
My rating: double S shit.
My flame: This is a parody, am I right?

If not, do not under any circumstance communicate with virgin bimbos and make up your mind for you so that they'd get to run this story by turning it into their ultimate fantasy of getting screwed and loved, which is even less likely. The last time I had cramps so bad was when I accidentally jogged in Quentin Ville in Denver for seven hours while fresh off from a two-year comatose. I ended up in the ICU soon after. Now how the hell are you going to pay for my medical bills?

If not still, you're simply horribly in want of ideas.

I can't believe that you weren't joking while you thought of this. I cant find any excuse for such a hideously cliched plot other than because you can't hold back years of pathetic fantasies that will never know any fulfillment. Did you even notice that your title and the name of your Mary Sue are the same?

Alright, you clearly stated that your OC is a Naruto fan, which would give her power over the whole village. You made it so convenient, so planned out for her to find her way to everyone's heart that I can't think of anything that would go wrong for her. You know what, delete this cr@p. No one's interested to hear what you want to happen to yourself so much that you can't restrain yourself from publishing such amazingly retarded ideas.

Push the effing button.

Her response:thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed review, i'm sorry that
the story isnt to your taste, but this is really just an outlet for me.

if you [the reader] does not enjoy these stories, that's fine with me. i
write what i like because i enjoy writing. simple as that (although i suggest
you stop reading stories like this though, because you're really just wasting
you own time). if i ask for ideas from my readers, it's because i'm interested
in what they want to happen.

the irrelevance of your own experiences helps little in how i am supposed to
improve my story, so again, a waste of your time.

and never in my story have i ever implied that i have any desire for any of
this to happen to me. this is purely an imagined adventure for an OC of mine.

btw, you may want to rethink the hypocrisy of your profile [as a major
flamer] to your first story "For What It Takes" [i quote "Don't flame. i hate
flames :-)"]

Peace

My response again:

So simply put, you indulge your readers who are most likely just as delusional as you. Wow. This is a rare case: bimbos ganging up to come up with a fine finished product. I'm curious, though, why none of you ever bothered with something that's not a cliche, retarded, or an abomination.

Again, without further adorning the language, let me tell you that you just gave every indication that you're an effing Mary Sue whose name is Natsuki and who made it to Naruto's world. Amazing! You people, I don't understand why you keep posting works that are just thinly-revised copies of one another. If you want so much to be Kakashi's girlfriends, please do not alert the entire world and gush out with something as blatant as this. So much for an outlet.

A waste of my time? Thanks for your concern; you should've just written that at the start of your crap so people would be able to avoid it.

"Don't flame. i hate flames :-)"

Shoot. Why did I ever forget that I wrote that?

With love,
Bet

*****

Two other stories I found amusing (by a single author):

Shikamaru Nara's Guide to Women - (woven by my own words) in which Nara Shikamaru fucks and fucks and spins out of control and character.

The Look in His Eyes - (woven in my own words) in which Uchiha Itachi takes his Mary Sue as his sex slave, fucks her brains out, cums inside her, and yeah, fucks her all the time.

*****

For the final wrap-up: Guys, as a peace-loving person, I am grieved to be a part of this unsolicited torture. I beseech you, therefore, to stop writing. It wouldn't hurt your chances at salvation if you ever do. It mightily pains me to think that there are people who try to justify what they lack by publicizing their pathetic fantasies (for the last time) in places I can find. Why ever drag others in when they can easily get lost?

Naruto category is a gold mine.

tips on writing porn

2009-06-20T12:17:00.003-06:00

1. Drop it if you're a retard.

2. Die if you still insist on it.

3. Get laid, which is your only saving grace. If you're actually not a virgin, now's the good time to sodomize your neighbor's livestock.

4. Fornicate with only the help of a plastic ladle.

Scratch that.

To reprise, don't ever find yourself shoving the wrong foot with this kind of disgrace:

http://www.fanfiction.net/r/4442233/

I will be trite in my response, but before anything else I want you to feast on these lines the moron was kind enough to share to her viewers:

" “That’s it Akai, suck on it harder…” She was kneeling on the floor while Mori was sitting on her bed with his legs apart with Akai between them"

" Ken groaned and she did too when she felt Mori inserting something inside her ass. A long string of ass massager was placed inside her, it’s a long string with many black balls attached to it; she flinched as she felt each ball was pushed in."

"Ken groaned and she did too when she felt Mori inserting something inside her ass. A long string of ass massager was placed inside her, it’s a long string with many black balls attached to it; she flinched as she felt each ball was pushed in."

" She moaned as Mori’s fingers rubbed the slit of her pussy."

"he started plucking her nipples; her hand crept up to clench on his pants. Ken signaled Mori to do something and Akai groaned when she felt Mori’s tongue hit her spot."

"she flinched when Ken rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger."

"she moaned silently as Mori spread her thighs to lick her and her mind went wild. She felt like exploding as Mori licked her while slowly pulling out the toy from her ass."

My grateful response: Fuck the cunt who'd ever come up with something like this.

again and again

2008-07-03T04:05:00.000-06:00

La dee daaa dee dum…

If I had failed somewhere in this lifetime to push all ya haters to awareness that I am an impenetrably heartless prick, well, please die. Please?

Pretty please?

I have mentioned and attempted vigorously to din it in your thick skulls that there are just things I DON’T subscribe to. Some of them are as follows:

1. Don’t like; don’t read.

2. First fanfictions are never well-written.

3. I forgot.

4. I forgot again.

5. I have effing forgotten.

6. Original characters are not Mary-Sues.

My point is…my point is…

Fuck this.

I am bored. I badly miss those despairing moments of anguish I’d experience while READING those lovely craptastic stories by the most horrendously untalented writers! I am suffering er, the, er, brunts of sorrow? He he he. Okay, wanna know the truth? I’m in mortal peril of expiration. There. School is verging on traumatizing, TV shows and their dismal dialogues are carrying me one fucking step closer to the grave, movies are theatrical misadventures, friends are all missing, siblings are all busy, parents are out of the country, professors are subjecting us students to some more gorgeous circles of torment and the internet is reaching hypocritical heights left, right and center. Music, on the other hand, is love. I’m dropping half of my love in favor of Orchestral Symphonic Rock. There. My most sincere emotions exposed. My sentiments lay bare.

Ouch.

Yawn.

Fuck this. Where is everyone?

And then I struck gold!

SCORE!

Here goes: I just about went on checking my gorgeous fanfiction.net account. I received a couple of new reviews and…

SCORE!

The catch: someone dropped this pretty little review/comment/advice/er/uhm/dunno/what/it/is,

Reviewer: In my own opinion, the story was very well-written and your English is commendable.

Over 90% of the people who've reviewed your story have only retaliated to the flames you'd sent them. It is all right to be confident about one's own abilities, and boast once in a while, but to hurt other people's feelings is not nice at all. People here have put so much effort into writing and you've hurled demoralizing remarks at them for no practical reason at all. If you don't like their stories, then just exit the page. Or if your true intention is to correct people, then it can always be done in a nicer way. You probably don't care about flaming them, probably because you don't care about people flaming you. But there's something called consideration for others. The whole point about living in a society is about being considerate toward others' feelings.

is also, in a way, a society, and therefore it is required that its members are considerate and encouraging, rather than deliberately insulting without reason. Just think it through. Know that behaving in such ways will only cause people to dislike you. For instance, you wanted people to acknowledge how good you are. But because you'd flamed so many in the past, all you get is flames.

Just think it through. If you are depressed, talk to someone about it. But there's no point in venting out your frustration through otherwise friendly sites such as this one.

Lovely Merciful Me: I have one concern about the bomb you dropped; IT MISSED. Fell sizably short of the goddamn pretty target. Hell, I’m still alive! Oh deep humility, spare me for the love of god! Oh sorry, got carried away. How do I say this, oh I’m blushing because…I don’t know where to start and I have, in the past, explained my standpoint to EVERY goddamn soul who had read anything I’ve ever written/posted in the wonderful internet. I flame for countless practical reasons.

Reasons for flaming:

1. For the hell of it

2. For fun

3. To flame

4. To hurt people

5. To attack morons

6. To hate

7. To express hatred

8. For love

9. For the world’s welfare

10. For the children’s future

11. For personal growth

12. I believe there are about 98 more of them but twelve would do. Yeah.

Ahhh. Frustration. I don’t think I have the inspiration and passion for ANYTHING to warrant me frustration. So sorry.

Reviewer: Honestly, this fic was just a waste of time. You are right in saying that most authors try to portray themselves through their Mary-Sues in an attempt to show people what they always wanted to be. It's no surprise, therefore, to see that your Mary-Sue is the most exaggerated of them all- It's natural for people with little talent to dream enormous (Sorry; I couldn't come up with a more powerful word).

You can take this as a flame if you like or just criticism, but it won't matter to me. I'm merely giving you my honest opinion.

Did you notice the last words in this story? "Please review."

Well, if you haven't noticed, most of the 41 reviews for this story have barely anything to do with this story at all. And if it makes you happy, you're hated out here. Don't look at me, I'm new here and I just happened to come across a certain expended author's work and decided to read it. However, I realized in the end that the title of the story is the only part worth reading.

Auf wiedersehen!

Holy Loving Me: Sarcasm. Parody. Exaggeration. Me. What else? Oh, that.

HUMOR.

People hate me? O dang! Why hadn’t anyone told me that before you???!!! Man. But then I’m remembering…they never said ‘I hate you, BYLT!’.

What I have received though for about half a million times were things like these: ‘Die bitch!’, ‘Fuck you!’, ‘Screw you!’, and uhm, other rude things that hurt my heart. A lot. So with that, I can’t exactly be TOO sure if I am indeed hated out there.

I’ll stop here because you didn’t get it.

On second thoughts, subtlety be damned:

All my fics, I mean ALL three of them=Parodies.

Naruto Screwers

2007-09-07T01:15:00.000-06:00

Is that you, Mikey? Nice to hear from you.

New costumers waiting to be decimated:

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1143461/

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1138194/

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1244455/

I advise you guys to equip yourselves with complete diving gear before you enter the links above: you don’t want to be contaminated with whatever they have. These are Naruto writers, by the way. Just look (if you can manage) at the way they butcher the Akatsuki members. I will post the lovely emails they sent me here, perhaps later. I can't review their works anymore but know this: the blocked cannot be annihilated! For now, feast on. Where is everyone?

Blogspot sucks

2007-08-24T07:39:00.000-06:00

I think the last time I talked about Harry Potter was...actually it has gone beyond my memory. Book 7 sucks, like, totally. Wanna get humiliated? Feel free to disagree with me, I'll be waiting. And where are you people anyway?

Wel Zen's Identity

2007-04-05T19:43:00.000-06:00

Do you guys want to know who Wel Zen is?

You really want to know?

Hahahahaha!

E-mail me at betyoulovethat@gmail.com and I shall provide you with the appropriate links to her (now we know it's a her) real stories. This is going to be so much fun. It's merely a coincidence that she annoyed a person that I know who knows another person who caught an IP address match with Wel Zen.

Life is beautiful.

adream=acow=atalis

2006-12-09T04:43:00.000-07:00

The italicized words are words straight from a cow's mouth.

I'd like to thank Fiamme and Dorian for the contributions.

And happy holidays to my pals Death-by-Masamune, Caffeine-addict, Pollux, Strider, Pao, Celestial, ivyblue, Fiamme, Mikey, BTS, Dorian, Thesaurus Grill and everyone else I forgot to mention.

Personally, this is my own opinion, flamers are people lacking in the area of intelligence and common sense. They lack these things so greatly they find themselves unable to put together a coherent and logical aide for possible future writers and dreamers! Flamers, in my opinion, are no better suited for crushing peoples dreams, since they don't have the common sense or compassion to care about what the people they flame may think about.

Oh. That makes you what, defender-of the-people-with-crushed-dreams? How intelligent. So, what makes a flamer unintelligent? Common sense, as you obviously don’t know is like a million miles from compassion. Heart and mind, two different things. Unlike you, we do something that BACKS up our statements, we don’t go generalizing morons because there are different types (those who retaliate, those who think they’re smart enough to turn the tables and take the upper-hand, and those who would rather shut up). We (Flamers, as you call us) don’t just simply write , flamers are people lacking in the area of intelligence and common sense. Instead, we expand on what we say. Take a look at Dorian Ghey, Better than Shakespeare, death-by-masamune, caffeine-addict and Thesaurus Girl’s reviews/criticisms. They entail logical explanations about the stories they flame being abysmal. That’s why a single review/flame from these flamers can cover an entire page. You, well, you have the audacity to talk about grammar and story quality when your writing alone gave me enough reason to believe in miracles, preferably daft miracles like a baby-eating fetus and of course, the most profound and depthless existence of your ironically nonexistent mind. I’ve looked past your horrendous grammar and what do I get? Zero, not even an unqualified boiled egg. Your reasoning proved fatal to your brain, but then again you have no brain to cost you your life, which explains your incomprehensible lack of sense.

I am giving you the honor to take the floor. And though you may be out of our arena, what with your lame crap about your grandma’s birthday and our IQ’s soaring past your severely limited imagination, I’m nonetheless going to ask these people if I could borrow their flames as an example. And then, I’d like to expand on their being illogical and devoid of common sense.

In particular, Talis, care to offer examples/instances in which flamers (namely, us) exhibit a lack of common sense? As I’ve said, don’t interchange compassion/kindness/good-heartedness to intelligence and common sense.

Also, you did mention something about the writers’ ages. You defended their youth, amateurism and lack of full education. Just so you know, we have flamers that are younger than you. Fiamme, for one, is fifteen and she makes more intelligent arguments than you can manage in your whole lifetime. Dorian is seventeen and has been flaming since he was younger than your current age. I’m nineteen and look, when I was twelve, I didn’t come up with something like this:

Actually, it applies to all flamers ^^, and grammar nazis depending. For example, if you flame someone's writing, you're giving them useless advice. If you really want to helpful to the future of the english, (or any other), language, flaming is not the way to do it! However, if you give contructive criticism combined with useful tips and ways of fixing the problem, you are helping.

There’s truthfully no use in comparing a god to a snail.

Obviously you get off on crumbling small children's dreams, but what if they actually want to become writers? Were you a fabulous and world-renowned writer when you were 12? I think not! I wasn't, J.R.R Tolkien wasn't, heck, not even Christopher Paolini was! So, crushing the dreams of 12-year-olds could possibly be depriving us from great books in the future!

Now, now. This of course is an incredible vestige of retarded primitivism. Did any of us mention that a twelve year old girl should be as good as Tolkien? I don’t remember saying that. I don’t remember Fiamme saying that either. If I were you, Talis, I’d stop stuffing bullshit in other people’s mouth. What we’re asking these twelve year old brats to do is, merely arrange the way they write. The mere fact that they uploaded their fic in ffnet already opens for any kind of criticism. Thus, ours. If they write horribly, we say it straight in the face. We explain. We elaborate. We point out what’s grotesquely wrong with the story. We don’t do it nicely because we’re not hypocrites like you. We just don’t say they suck, unlike you who would run away with the false idea that we have no common sense and yet don’t offer proofs to back her statement up. Now you’re saying that they’re young. Unfortunately, when I was twelve, I didn’t have delusions along the mind of these certain twelve year olds I’ve flamed. I didn’t, for one thing, misspell the words “Nazi”, “criticize”, “language”, “indigenous” and the like when I was twelve. Even when I was nine. You, on the other hand, are sixteen. And yet, you committed heinous errors such as those. Of course you’re going to put emphasis on my being a grammar Nazi, which is fine because that would only make one person look stupid. That is you.

And just for the record, my friends and I no longer flame on the basis of one’s stupid grammar. It’s kind of out of date. We stick to the content. Unlike you who’d just burst around calling people dumb.

Kids don't have strong convictions, and they don't like being dragged down in most horrible and unpleasant ways, it's just cruel. If someone made fun of your for trying, would you keep doing it? I don't think so~

You should more or less be ashamed for writing this. Kids who are thirteen, twelve and even one have strong convictions. You remember that story on a six year old kid who is fighting a rare chronic disease? You remember that he’s Australian and has give or take only two years to live. He’s fighting. Ergo, he has conviction. To begin with, Talis, do you know what the word means?

At least they try, right? I'm not saying you should stop reading fanfics and go hide in a hole down in Antarctica, but have you ever considered "positive" feedback. Studies show it makes people want to do the things you suggest! Who would you rather listen to, the girl who calls you an attention-whore, peon of a writer or the girl who says your spelling could use some work, but keep trying? I know everyone is different, maybe you like being called an idiot, but most people dislike it.

Tell me, how are we supposed to give positive feedback on a fic which is so abysmal it should be banned from humanity’s sight? You yourself didn’t give Yuki’s story a positive feedback. Do you mean to say that you’re the only one who has right to offend people. My golly, you are on dumb shit with ducks for parents and teachers. Please go to Fiamme’s latest post. Reread your first comment. You might find out that you flamed an author without knowing it. Now after that, kindly kill your teachers before you give them more excruciating form of torture that could actually lead to an even more brutal death like, uh, death by Talis’ shitty display of non-intelligence.

Also, I’d like to point out that my purpose as a flamer is to annihilate crappy authors from the internet. So stop that shit about crushing people’s dreams. You’re crushing mine. Ooops. I know what you’re going to say to that, you’ll say something lame like, “I’m sorry to crush your dreams and I’m sorry that you’re very offended by me. Please go to my blog. It’s where I put my opinions. I know what you’re going to say to that; you’d say you didn’t read it. BUT I DOUBT THAT. I KNOW YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH ME. Deep inside you’re dying to know about me!” Yuck. You make me puke. I hope you’d get around to answering why you’re dying for other people to tell you that you’re smart,why you invite people to your blog when in fact, NOBODY CARES FOR YOUR DUMB OPINIONS ON CASINO ROYALE WHICH YOU SPELLED LIKE A COW.

Oh, I just ripped off from Dorian Ghey there. Sorry, Dorian.

Dorian: Psst. I checked out Talis’ blog.

Talis: *squeals and spreads the news to her dumb mates. In the process, she wets herself in exhilaration* Somebody is reading my blog. OH MY GOD! The world thinks I’m smart.

Bet You Love That: Dorian, dude, did you see The Killers’ latest vid? Bones? Sheesh. Devon Aoki is H-O-T.

Dorian: Yeah I know. But you gotta listen, dude. This is way urgent. I read Talis’s blog. You gotta see this, dude. It’s like crap topped with a cream of cow shit.

Bet You Love That: I was thinking if I should download South Park’s sixth season. I actually missed it when the cable stopped our subscription to Comedy Central.

Dorian: Fuck you, Bet. Talis is one dumb fucker. She’s blabbing some shit about nuclear war when no statement has been released by Kim Il Jon himself. She’s one dumb fucker.

Talis: I just woke up. Oh look! Morning glory twinkle starry I’m drolly wanna milkie cowie. I’m so cute. Bet, am I not cute?

Dorian: Oh shit, She’s here. Now she’s going to think that we’re obsessed with her. She’s going to give us free copies of her autobiography!

Bet You Love That: What the hell is all this? Dorian, did Menelaus make a whore out of Cassandra? He took her to Greece after the Trojan war.

Talis: I read Iliad.

Dorian: Fuck you Bet, I’ve read Iliad, Aenid and the Odyssey eons ago, you’re not gonna ask me now about them are you?

Bet You Love That: Alas, I hear mooing.

Dorian: That's what I've been telling you from the start. It's Talis. Come, let's ask her. Maybe she knows tha answer.

Bet You Love That: Hey, cow! Did Menelaus rape Cassandra?

Talis: Oh my gosh. I'm sleepy. I don't have time for people who are obsessed with me. I just had a dream. I love flamers. My mom says Grisham is the scriptwriter for Law and Order. I'm glad tha people love to visit my blog and comment on my intelligent posts. Now guys. I have no time for you. You see, I have a life and you don't. I'm a diva in disguise. I write tons better than the rest of the world put together. Plus, my friends respect my idea. I know you worship everything I say, that's why you read my blog every second. I'm sorry if I don't update often. I just hope I won't lose you as fans. Thanks for the views and comments guys. I'm most glad that you agree to everything I say.

I forgot to address this in my last email, but obviously you didn't like my comments about your writing. I know you don't take writing seriously, but I like to hold on my few things. Writing is my passion. Reading as someone takes the use of words and completely abuses it to offend and hurt other people, or just to put together a story with no substance hurts a little. Why write a story if you don't want someone, anyone, to enjoy it? Yes, that someone maybe you, but writing for other people about what you think is fun too. I don't jsut write things and put them on my site and ignore that they're crap, I make sure they're good, and then let people see them! You don't want to read a bad story obviously, neither do I.

That's all for now. Don't forget, my challenge is still open :).

Writing is your passion? This is the greatest contradiction the world has ever seen. You say writing is your passion. You say you hate flamers because they crush people’s dreams. Then why do you write something so moronic it could send Morgoth to oblivion and make Luthien end up looking like Professor Umbridge? You are committing a crime more hideous than anything we can come up with, as much as we summon all the evil we can muster, we will NEVER be able to create something as abysmal as your inexplicably dumb principles, pathetic inconsistencies and pitiable attempt to sound intelligent. On the bright side, you might as well be a jester. Your opinions’ transcendent crappiness eclipses all retardation to become the mother of narrative crap. Do you honestly think we abuse the English language to come up with all those hurtful stuff we hurl at idiots like you? No. They’re more like requirements because if we try to be hypocritical and pretend to be nice, like you, that just wouldn’t counter the idiocy that is so all over the place now. You, and the other abysmal writers we flame are the ones who are apparently abusing the language, oh wait, you cows are not just abusing it; you’re butchering it. You talk about things you don’t know, you generalize as much as Pol Pot did, and guess what, you like acting cool and intelligent when you haven’t even finished Iliad. Stop bluffing, you’re not sixteen, you’re just four years old. From what Dorian told me, your blog entries are so bad they might have been unrelated products, probably diarrhea-inducing ones, that just happened to run into the ‘publish post’ window and were accidentally labeled as reading materials. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually scanned macaroni paintings created by 3-year old squirts while camping. He said something about your short stories but really, the email he sent me is really hard to decipher because I myself found it extremely difficult to read between the swear words and the cow comments. He even expanded about his review on your Casino Royale review. You said it was "awesome". What a SUBSTANTIAL review that is. You should be named Time's Cow of the Century. And writing is your passion? Writing what? Stuff that could revert the division of nuclear atoms when they collide? You should work for North Korea’s nuclear lab, really. Perhaps the US and Russia would even offer you pleasant deals. You can lull the world into a slumber with your severe lack of talent and knowledge in literature and no blood will be shed, except for us who get nose-bleed whenever we read new comments from you. Maybe you do have passion for writing, but you have no respect for writing. You write for the sake of stuffing something in your essentially empty blog. You don't promote anything; your pages might as well be blank. There's not a single trace of intelligence in your posts. You haven't even read Grisham and Iliad and you're what? 16?

Oh, Fiamme doesn't take writing seriously? Didn't she flame retards like you because of the crap they post? You know this is embarrassing, Fiamme does not take writing seriously as much as you do and yet, she happens to be better than you on a godly expanse. I wonder.

You make sure what you write has substance? Yeah, it has fatal substances in it, that’s why we get nose-bleed and migraine whenever we encounter a word from you. I think I’m anemic now. We don’t mind reading bad stories but as much as we can, we try to avoid dangerous or life-threatening ones, like yours. I don’t know about Dorian, he’s the toughest masochist there is, imagine reading your crap and giving in-depth reviews and all… he should be named his country’s national hero.

Of course you thought people would enjoy your works; sadly, you most likely have killed an editor somewhere when he ran into your page. You see, the power of writing can make a politician crawl beneath his trousers and make Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie an adolescent boy's worst nightmare, and this has never been more evident in the emails you sent Fiamme.

On A Dream To Die For, there are few of my personal works, some that have won awards.sadly I cannot post the published ones. I'll provide you a link, if you've forgotten it. Pick a story and review it, flame, do with it what you'd like. But I expect quality, I don't want to discover you're just a kid that happens to know how to throw a sharp sentence together

What sort of awards did you gather? Perhaps you entered your works in a science exhibit and what with your incredibly minute brain, you are indeed, a scientific wonder. Oh, you know quality? With your loophole-ridden mess you replied on my blog on my previous post, remember, about paintings, shakespeare, natural evolution and the importance of grammar when my pals made you eat every single word you said? That I doubt. You've lost credibility the moment you set foot on my blog. So you do admit that Fiamme can come up with sharp sentences, and judging by her replies to you, they're actually of good quality. And you, well, you can't even construct a sentence that is anywhere near blunt.

I thought I would just inform I'm moved my domain around a bit! Now that I have finally figured out WordPress, and MySQL, I installed it without a problem. I'm uploading my stories tonight, so I thought you should know about them. The new URL is http://adream.kyonkichi.com! I love the name, adream. Now I know you'll probably nail me for using a word such as adream, but if you must criticise, look at this, it's a valid word with its own definition!

adream : (ah-DREE-ahm)
1. a dream of the highest order
2. a concious dream, usually deciding one’s life
3. the dream, which by one’s conviction, is considered worth dying for

Tah-dah. See, own definition. I made it up, as with every other word in the universe.

You know, this is way past hilarity, past losing myself because of laughter not to mention polluting the entire world with laugh gas coming out of every hole in my body. adream huh? How creative. You see, an embryo that has not yet come to existence or whose parents haven't even met can come up with something better than that. How sentimental and...OK, if you think this is such an accomplishment that's worth bragging about, you…well you do NOT exist. I do not believe that someone with this level of retardation can be created by a supreme entity or by the universe even by accident. Really, you are a contradiction to every being that has a brain. How corny can you get? You know there's something UNLIMITED and UNSTOPPABLE about you, it's your ignorance, your extreme lack of correct judgment and your delusions about the 'talent' you claim, you push us to pity.

Now that that is finished, gloves off Fiamme-chan. You see, I'm sweet most of the time, but your endless mazi-like approach to crushing people's dream is getting to be... {insert expletive here} annoying.

What is "to be" doing there? Oh, I'm being a grammar police again.

Prestigious high school or not, crushing dreams, hopes and anything that resembles happiness is something this average girl doesn't tolerate! Let's make a few points. Of course, now that I know you attend the ivy league of high schools in the Philippines, I can understand your superiority complex. Of course, I don't understand it, having attended average public schools my entire life, but I can still dislike it. Obviously your need to insult anyone who is inferior to your majesty is feeding off your "superiority" to the average highschool student, ne? Oh gosh, forgive me, I'm just one of those students.

Please, enough of infantile lectures, they're boring.

It's good that you define "adream" as a dream of highest order. Let's put something to append that. What about this:

atalis : (mo-ron OR cow)

1. a retard of the highest order
2. something that can't spell and use logic
3. something that is very bovine in character
4. someone who invents words and assigns lame definitions for them
5. someone who begs people on her cow knees to read her cow-related opinions

Tah-dah. See, own definition. I made it up, as a cow that goes by name Talis would.

Okay class, time for revision! First we have Queen of the World (forgive me for bringing up the dead art of capitalization, similar to Latin in its use apparently), you lovely darling who's use of the english language apalls me.

I've tackled this famous statement of yours some time ago but I can't get over it. I can't get over the fact that the creator actually manage to create someone as moronic as you, even if he is indeed a god, the labor of coming up with something as dumb as you are is unimaginable. The last phrase itself basically implies that the person being addressed doesn't use the English language properly and yet, the very short statement itself is ridden with grammatical errors. M-O-R-O-N.

See what your "obsession" has brought to light? Grammar has only a minor role in any language, especially in language arts. You cannot be grammatically correct, and creative, at the same time. If there were rules to painting, such works as The Last Supper and Madonna of the Rocks would never have been done! Details are nice, but obsession with details and correctness are completely... useless

Stop implying that you know language artistry when all you can say about a movie is "it was awesome". Retard. And I know why you keep implying that grammar is useless, because you're a bitter cow. Perfect grammar is something you can never achieve that's why you sour grape all the time and thrust it to everyone's throat that substance is everything and technicalities are nothing. Unfortunately for you, everything you write has no substance and your grammar likewise is abysmal. You might as well replace all your nouns with "cow"; your adjectives with "cowish"; your verbs with "cowing"; your prepositions with "mooh".

Chromosomal Aberration? Never heard of it, then again, I don't have science this semester, so I can't really say. But Fifi, head out of science text book please, no one loves a chromosome lover.

Moronic cow. Just because she knows what chromosomal aberration means doesn't mean she loves textbooks, she just listens to her professors, unlike you who want it the other way around; I bet you beg your teachers to listen to your opinions and visit your blog. What a pathetic retard.

As for myself, I'm Linguistically/Mucially/Intrapersonally intelligent ^^. I don't know you well enough to see if you are intrapersonal or interpersonal. I'd guess at intrapersonal, since your people sills could use some refining. It's called multiple intelligences, proven theory too. They tell us what areas we specialize in and how we learn. I can read any book and learn from it, and music helps too, you probably learns with math and logic ^^.

Oh, let's see, You can read ANY book and learn from them. You've "read" some of Tolkien's works and yet you can't spell, you can't use 'its', 'whose' and other simple words, you have no imagination, you can't grasp why we flame and crush people’s dreams and yet the statement above exists. I am like the Sons of Feanor in the Silmarillion, most especially Curufin, violent, though he was less temperate than the youngest three sons (excluding himself), talented, artistic and have great potential for greatness though I may be evil at times. That, I've learned the moment I read about where his son Celebrimbor got his talents. And you? You learned how to run your head against the wall from reading the greatness, Silmarillion. Actually, I found it really exciting and I couldn't get enough of the Noldor and the Valar while you, well you just made a clown of yourself implying that Tolkien doesn't suit your taste. And I wouldn't call it 'normal' fantasy; his universe, Arda, is the mother of all fantasy in any medium. The expanse of his creativity and intelligence reaches up to the point that he was able to create more than 3 languages with various dialects. Not the same crap you get from Jordan, Eddings, Brooks, Cole, Evans, Stasheff, Kayes, and other fantasy writers who can't see beyond dragons, swords and sorcery. If you must know, the Silmarillion itself is already condensed into its simplest form. Oh, multiple intelligences theory was actually proven?! Moron. That's why people like Leonardo, Wolfgang, de Angelis, Dee, Cojo, and Pellegrinni exist.

You're currently reading the Mythology and yet The Greater Ajax's foolishness is still nowhere near yours. You're still more of a bovine when Europa was turned into one and I bet Io was prettier than you when Hera was looking for her. Figure that out.

Did anyone ask you about your "intelligence"? No one did. You just want to brag. If no one has ever told you that you are intelligent, then please, don't beg us to do so.

Lastly, Talis, just because Fiamme isn't replying to you and your lame, feckless insults doesn't mean she has nothing to say. Gosh, what do you expect her to do? Moo like you?

Talis is one intelligent... cow

2006-11-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

So when I decided to finally poke my head up to the surface, I tumbled upon an interesting argument between Fiamme and Talis. This is what Talis says:

Fiamme-chan is so cute when she's clueless about computers ^^.

Okay class, time for revision! First we have Queen of the World (forgive me for bringing up the dead art of capitilization, similar to latin in it's use apparently), you lovely darling who's use of the english language apalls me.

>>I'd bet the world the anonymous who posted the message above me is Khan/Max/Mysfaer/WizdomGoddess/whatevershecallsherself. If she hadn't only thrown 'the towel' of hers, she would actually comment on EVERYTHING she sees.

Now, though, the situation has changed. She can't defend herself, because if she does, she'd only embarrass her already embarrassing self.

She's one scared cat. Hilarious, isn't she?

First point, the world is not yours to bet, if it were, I'd be living on mars, and we'd be ruled by cabbages.
Second! Please shut up, you are hurting my brain. If you haven't figured it out yet, Max and WG wouldn't use "anonymous" why should they hide? They'be made thier point and they are ready to face the spotlight.
Third? The only scared one here is Fiamme, who has cowered in the darkness of Genghis Khan's witty and useful commentary for a very long time, and she has done nothing, until they tripped. Might as well kick them while they're down, if they were down to begin with?

Now that that is finished, gloves off Fiamme-chan. You see, I'm sweet most of the time, but your endless mazi-like approach to crushing people's dream is getting to be... {insert expletive here} annoying.
Prestigious high school or not, crushing dreams, hopes and anything that resembles happiness is something this average girl doesn't tolerate! Let's make a few points. Of course, now that I know you attend the ivy league of high schools in the Philippines, I can understand your superiority complex. Of course, I don't understand it, having attended average public schools my entire life, but I can still dislike it. Obviously your need to insult anyone who is inferior to your majesty is feeding off your "superiority" to the average highschool student, ne? Oh gosh, forgive me, I'm just one of those students.
If everyone followed grammar as closely and to-the-point as yourself, popular writers such as Shakespeare would never become writers! Shakespeare couldn't spell, so if everyone were like you, popular plays such as Romeo and Juliet would betraded in for... well nothing, since mistakes are not to be accepted. The Iliad would never have been published! Tales of Genji would never have been thought of!
See what your "obsession" has brought to light? Grammar has only a minor role in any language, especially in language arts. You cannot be grammatically correct, and creative, at the same time. If there were rules to painting, such works as The Last Supper and Madonna of the Rocks would never have been done! Details are nice, but obsession with details and correctness are completely... useless.
As I write a short story as or a new chapter for a novel, I watch as Word underlines sentences, I have come to ignore it unless Word picks up something I know isn't right! Who cares about sentence structure? Creativity is freedom, rules are a cage. Obviously, important things like capitilization and punctuation are important, but come to think of it, early language didn't even have that, it was merely a decoration! Evntually people with a lower grade of obsession than yourself came to think, "Well, maybe putting spaces between our thoughts, marked with say, a little dot, would making reading easier!". Of course, they would have to have a lower grade of obsession, since, if they were like you, words would not be printed at all, without the strict supervision of 10 editors and an executioner, you know, if you write a sentence that isn't of the "appropriate" order.
I must say, your attention to detail could almost be described as Obsessive-Compulsive. Are you sure you don't have OCD? I know someone who does, but she isn't a grammar nazi.
Oh gosh, now I've done it, I've almost become a flamer. Well, what do you call a flamer who flames flamers? Krusnik? No, that's a vampire who eats vampires, whoopsie, no more television for Talis.
Hope you enjoy this~

Love,

Talis

End of message.

I just want to say that...

Talis,

Unfortunately we can't relate entirely to what you want to express. For one thing, your grammar is abhorrent. I know, I know. You're going to say that grammar hardly has any significance and that creativity is everything. Well, let me tell you one thing; WE CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU, and that is being 100 percent honest. I'm so surprised that Fiamme's "use of language APALLS" you. Ironically, yours make me want to give birth to 2,000 babies, all at the same time.

"the world is not yours to bet, if it were, I'd be living on mars, and we'd be ruled by cabbages."

Grr. This remark of yours is not only lame, but uncreative and embarrassing to boot. 'Nuff said.

You mentioned about Fiamme's crushing other people's dream... Tell you what, you made me lose my faith in humanity. Really. I can't believe YOU used the incomparable Shakespeare as an example. Where in suffering hell were you from? If you so much as read one of Shakespeare's plays, I think you'd have more or less an idea that his mispellings and grammar mistakes were RIGHT at the time. It was the 17th century, man. What do you expect, that language didn't evolve? It did, unfortunately for you. What was grammatically correct then, may no longer be correct now. Take for example JRR Tolkien. We do know that he lived up to the 20th century (and hence had sense of modern grammar), BUT we also know that he wrote sonnets IN THE MANNER of Shakespeare. Now, if you were looking closely you'd notice that grammatical errors were repeatedly committed in those works. The point? I already told you, he was using Shakespeare style. What about his novels? They were correct in a contemporary sense.

You see, both writers were following an order in the language. There has to be a way to organize their works, otherwise it would've made them lingusitic hooligans. In comparison, the grammars of the people you defend (most notably yourself) cannot in any way, in any style, be considered correct or decent. They write like ducks, webbed fingers and all.

I can't begin to decribe how disgusted I am by these words: "If everyone followed grammar as closely and to-the-point as yourself, popular writers such as Shakespeare would never become writers! "

How come you talk about things you don't know, and try to sound on authority? Please, stop making a retard out of yourself. Did you really think popular writers don't care about grammar? Hell, the writers you spoke of MADE grammar! Our notions of correct grammar are based on their works and guess what, they follow only one grammatical pattern. Why do we think that sentences such as "similar to latin in it's use apparently" (courtesy of you) and "you lovely darling who's use of the english language apalls me" are WRONG? I'll tell you why; because Charles Dickens and EM Forster and Virginia Woolf and just about every good writer DO NOT use "IT'S" when it should've been "ITS" and certainly DO NOT use "WHO'S" when they should've used "WHOSE" instead. And they don't spell "APPALL" as "APALL". Were you a Brit, you could've used "APPAL", but you didn't for some horrible reasons.

Also, I would like to point out the high demands for editors. If we don't need correct grammar, sentence structure et cetera, then pray tell the reasons why editors exist and even more so, why their salaries basically skyrocket? Please don't pull the "because the whole world is dumb for putting so much importance on grammar" crap. That would be so dumb, and minor.

So you think Iliad and Tales of Genji are packed with grammatical errors? Frankly I'm beginning to have the icky idea that you only pretend to have read both. Even if both works were originally, hypothetically stained with grammatical errors, it is undeniable that people over the years have made a point of correcting them. Why? Well, let's put it this way; they like correct grammar better than retarded grammar, unlike you. Plus, I thought Lady Murasaki, purportedly the genius behind the amorous Tale of Genji was Japanese. Are you suggesting that Japanese people don't care about grammar? You insult my intelligence.

Lastly, I just want to say that FUCK this dumb statement: "See what your "obsession" has brought to light? Grammar has only a minor role in any language, especially in language arts. You cannot be grammatically correct, and creative, at the same time."

I've been spending two and a half years in my school's Creative Writing org. Do you know that each time a member passes a poem, or any work for that matter, that work is meticulously read by ALL OTHER MEMBERS (38 of them, the 5 moderators excepted) for 1) Questionable theme/idea; 2) Grammar and 3) Structure. Why do that? Because we are being honed to manage coherent ideas, correct grammar and structure all at once; our mentors think that, oh yeah, it's possible to have good grammar and creative mind at the same time. Otherwise, they would've scrathed it off the curriculum, like, 27 years ago. But ever since the org had been founded, same rules on criticisms and analyses are SIMILAR.

You think creative writers such as Haruki Murakami, Nick Hornby, Neil Gaiman et al AREN'T good in grammar? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Say that again, please? I'm not going to deny that you offended me with that statement; usually, I just laugh off people's stupidity, but yours is so SPECIAL and needs all the tuning it gets. Screw you.

"Creativity is freedom, rules are a cage."

What are you, an anarchist? You don't want rules, then go back to Stone Age. Your argument is flawed, loopholed and hasn't a single smart thought to it. Blimey, there were Clan rules in the Stone Age; I'll say, go back to Jurassic era, you dinosaur. I don't remember saying anything AGAINST creativity. In fact, in my and Fiamme's flames, we emphasize and underscore not only the writer's lack in grammar, BUT in ideas. Gosh, are you dyslexic or what? Wherefore would we criticize their UNORIGINAL MARY SUE CRAP? A word to the wise, go research about the things you say and STOP bullshitting.

PS. "If there were rules to painting, such works as The Last Supper and Madonna of the Rocks would never have been done! Details are nice, but obsession with details and correctness are completely... useless."

Tell me what the point of this sentence is? Are you just showing off how well-versed you are in arts? P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C.

Painting is THIS far from writing. Painting is an art that requires VISUAL EXPRESSION. There are NO rules in painting, only classifications, on whether or not it's impressionism, surrealism et cetera. While like writing, it is open for criticisms, it is not true that PAINTING has to be this or that, i.e., your painting teacher doesn't tell you that your landscape painting has to be colorful, full of clouds, flowers, blah blah blah. It's essentially up to the painter. In writing, on the other hand, your teacher TELLS you to maintain correct grammar, it's an obligation, not a VIRTUE. It doesn't even need saying. Jeez, you are one dumb cow.

WaitaminuteMrPostman...

2006-08-20T07:40:00.001-06:00

before going postal.

This chick fiamme made a comment on my last post which is totally unrelated to her. It made no sense.

BYLT,

First of all, don’t label people attention-whores if you yourself are one: an ATTENTION-WHORE. Let me explain further.

A. You tell everyone you’re a flamer. Consequently, you tell them to visit your blog.

...Should the occasion arise on which I've massacred your crap, don't hesitate to proceed to my homepage. That's where we're going to settle our accounts. One thing should be taken with...

Such a way to get attention, huh, attention-whore? Very, very transparent. Oh, my, attention-whore, think of something more creative than that. You wouldn’t want to be labeled ATTENTION-WHORE forever, isn’t that right? Just because you have a strong desire to seek attention doesn't mean you have the right to accuse somebody else of this desire.

>Fiamme^^

The problem is that we're sort of doing the same thing. We flame Mary Sues and I additionally, flame bad fics of any sort. It just happened that Mary Sue fics generally suck. There should be no reason for us to be at daggers drawn.

So someone got really pissy and decided that it might be fun to flame another flamer using my sacred name.

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=25436879&postID=115556088481121929

Check the comment made by "bet you love that" who is linked to my FFN account. Wrong grammar. Not me. The one logged on to blogger is me though. Obviously.

What I'm wondering about is if the fiamme who attacked me is the impersonationg miscreant who is entirely incapable of subterfuge or the actual fiamme who got pissed because it appeared that I have flamed her. I almost forgot. This fiamme who attacked me is linked to an FFN account and not logged in to blogger.

And I wonder too if this isn't Wel Zen trying to sabotage me because I told him the truth that he's a homophobe who likes to get his butt nailed.

I'm just clearing my already awful name. The grammar from the dumb comment written under my name is unforgivable. Accuse me of anything from pedophilia to necrophilia but that.

Pull back troops

2006-08-08T05:23:00.000-06:00

Not that you guys have already shown up. And I can't blame you with my sporadic presence but I need to tell you that the troll that I posted below is a big faketard. Apparently, he's deliberately typing like a doesn't-even-have-shit-for-brains just to annoy others.

Just ignore him for now and don't let him get a rise out of any of you.

It would be best to simply report his shit to the authorities. Make sure to report his racist cracks too.

A Retard in Denial

2006-08-06T07:48:00.000-06:00

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1012035/

I'm not even interested in the fact that he hates yaoi so much. I'm just surprised that such a life form - one with no brains or any substitute for said organ - can exist and be allowed to have access to the computer and worse, the internet.

Has anyone else played Resident Evil 4? The one with the Los Plagas parasite that takes over its host's nervous system? The "zombies" there aren't really dumb once the Los Plagas take over but if you can take the organism that feeds on the fly that feeds on the fungi that build on the feces of the Los Plagas, it would still be a prodigious genius compared to this...this...whatever.

Edit: Thanks to Anna Sartin for pointing out that "it" is a 15-year old boy with maturity issues.

lookie here...cutey pie...

2006-06-20T22:40:00.000-06:00

Check this out guys! I think it's Chaotic Deception writing for her retarded friend xXKairiXx's profile:

Kairi is one of my two best friends. The other one is Bloody Darkness. Kairi's real name is Amanda, and Bloody's real name is Dana.

Kairi likes the song sanctuary.

She likes video games, like kingdom hearts.

She watches shows like avatar, Danny Phantom, and other crap i dont care about. (THIS IS WHERE YOU FAIL TO SOUND COOL. PLEASE, NOBODY CARES IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS MORON'S FAVORITE SHOWS. NO ONE IS ASKING, IF IT ISN'T OBVIOUS ENOUGH. PLUS, WOULD YOU REALLY GO AS FAR AS SAYING THIS KIND OF SHIT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND JUST SO PEOPLE COULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU? SAYING THAT THE SHOWS SHE WATCHES ARE CRAP...WOW, THAT'S BEGGING FOR SOME ATTENTION, THAT'S LIKE KNEELING IN FORNT OF PEOPLE TO CALL YOU A MEAN-HEARTED FRIEND! HOW PATHETIC.)

We're like, complete opposites in some ways. ('COMPLETE OPPOSITES IN SOME WAYS' IS A CONTRADICTION. IT'S LIKE SAYING, 'A JOKE IS HALF-MEANT BUT IT'S WHOLEHEARTEDLY MEANT'. NO SENSE IN THERE. SORRY. INSTEAD WRITE, 'WE'RE OPPOSITES IN SOME WAYS'. EASY DOES IT.)

But not all ways. (REDUNDANCY. YOU ALREADY SAID 'IN SOME WAYS' ONLY, WHAT'S THE POINT IN SAYING 'NOT ALL WAYS'? QUIT PATRONIZING PEOPLE. WE ALL KNOW THAT IF YOU'RE DIFFERENT IN SOME WAYS, THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD BE DIFFERENT IN ALL WAYS. NOT CUTE.)

She lied about me in my profile! (SO? DOES THAT CHANGE ANYTHING WHEN YOU'VE BEEN A LIAR ALL ALONG? OKAY, WE BELIEVE THAT YOU READ POTTER AT 6 AND LEARNED HOW TO PLAY PIANO AT 3 AND FROM THEN ON YOU NEVER LEARNED ANYTHING ELSE. YOUR BRAIN DIDN'T GROW THAT'S WHY NOW YOU STILL ACT LIKE A 3-YEAR-OLD.)

She's a lazy bum who refuses to write a story. (AT LEAST SHE COULD SPARE US THE HORROR OF HER CRAP, UNLIKE YOU WHO STILL UPLOAD.)

So i'm stuck typing her one story for her. (OH, I THOUGHT WE WERE SAVED. STOP WRITING. READ INSTEAD SO YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO FLAME.)

Shit, that's not fair. (STOP IT ALREADY. THIS PROFILE IS ALL ABOUT YOU ALREADY. FOR THE LAST TIME NOBODY IS REMOTELY INTERESTED.)

Yes, i curse a lot. Amanda doesn't. (NO. FIRST OF ALL, YOU DON'T CURSE A LOT. YOUR MOUTH WOULD PALE IN COMPARISON TO MY FRIENDS' WHO APPARENTLY ARE THE ONES WHO SWEAR A LOT. NO, IT'S NOT COOL. SAYING 'SHIT' DOESN'T MEAN YOU CURSE A LOT; THAT'S JUST YOU WANTING TO SAY SOMETHING UNIQUE ABOUT YOURSELF, WHICH ISN'T IN THE LEAST CUTE. SO YOU COULD GATHER THE ATTENTION YOU NEED YOU'D HAVE TO DROP SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU COULD'VE JUST TYPED, 'AMANDA DOESN'T CURSE A LOT'.)

She's a really nice person. (SHE'S NICE AND YOU'RE BASHING HER? WHAT'S THIS BAD-ASS ACT? YOU THINK YOU'RE CUTE? AGAIN, YOU'RE FAR FROM BEING CUTE.)

She hasa dog named Bella who is awesome! (SO?)

...I found one of her tests once, and she filled in ONE question, which was the bonus question. i was like O.o BAKA! STUPIDO! (AGAIN, BASHING A FRIEND JUST SO PEOPLE COULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU. YOU TRY SO HARD TO SOUND MEAN, WHY THE HASSLE? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE YOURSELF? SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE REAL YOU? THE MAIN THING IS, YOU SHOULDN'T SACRIFICE YOUR FRIEND'S REPUTATION JUST SO YOU COULD LOOK GOOD/DIFFERENT/COOL IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. I DON'T EVEN DO THAT TO MY REAL-LIFE ENEMIES. THAT'S LOSER ACT. AND YOUR STATING IT IN THE NET WHERE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN CARE IS JUST WAY BEYOND PATHETIC. YOU NEED HELP.)

I got a 100+ on the same test. (IS THIS AMANDA'S PROFILE OR YOURS? AGAIN, THERE'S NO NEED TO LOOK GOOD HERE BECAUSE IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROFILE. PEOPLE WOULDN'T GO HERE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU SO SHUT THE HELL UP. AND WHY DO YOU BRAG SO MUCH ANYWAY? IS THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU GOT A ONE HUNDRED? OR IS IT BECAUSE NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO YOUR BRAGGING SPREE IN YOUR SCHOOL? I'M GENUINELY SORRY FOR THAT...PEOPLE NOT CARING THAT YOU GOT A 100 ON THAT TEST...SO SAD. NO WONDER YOU WANT ANONYMOUS ATTENTION.)

I studied for around 15 minutes for it. (OH, THE WIND BLOWS SO MIGHTILY. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'D EVEN DECLARE THE SPAN OF YOUR STUDY TIME. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO ALL-OUT AND SAY, 'AMANDA'S SUPER DUMB AND I'M NOT BECAUSE I'M SUPER SMART AND A GENIUS AND I CAN'T GET OVER MYSELF'? OH I KNOW; NOBODY FROM YOUR CLASS PAID YOU SOME ATTENTION WHEN YOU SAID 'I GOT A 100+ ON THE TEST AND I ONLY STUDIED 15 SECONDS FOR IT!' I BET YOUR CLASSMATES WERE JUST LIKE, 'WHAT A BRAGGING MORON!' OKAY, YOU THINK YOU'RE SMART, WHAT'S THE NEED TO BROADCAST IT? I KNOW, YOU'RE AN ATTENTION-WHORE. YOU WANT TO BEAT ANGELINA JOLIE FOR THE POPULARITY CONTEST? HUH?)

I dunno why i'm telling you my grades, her grades, or the fact that our school is neurotic because of the psyco principle. (WHAT'S A 'PSYCO PRINCIPLE'? I THOUGHT IT'S 'PSYCHO PRINCIPAL'. RETARDED, RETARDED, RETARDED, RETARDED. I KNEW IT. WHEN YOU LEARNED TO READ POCKETBOOKS AT 6, YOUR READING APTITUDE NEVER IMPROVED SINCE. HENCE NOW YOUR BRAIN AGE IS STILL 6. AND OH, YOU'RE FLAUNTING YOUR GRADES BECUASE YOU WANT ATTENTION, YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SAY 'OH, SHE'S SO SMART', TO WHICH THEY CAN ONLY SAY FUCK YOU RETARD.)

Back to Amanda.

She's the same age as i am. (SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE SAID THIS WAY ON THE START?)

She's really a dino from the dino planet in my starfox game. (NOT CUTE.)

I'm really starfox. (THE PUN'S NOT CUTE. LESS CUTE.)

I'm gonna call her now. (WHO CARES?)

Her best friend, Byrel

Okay, that's not my real name... I wish it was though. (YOU WISH IT WERE. ARRANGE YOUR GRAMMAR.)

NOW HERE'S MY NON-MST COMMENT:

Okay, it's a profile she wrote FOR her friend but a almost 40% of it speaks about Chaotic Deception herself...

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

This one suggests how much she excels in school:

...I found one of her tests once, and she filled in ONE question, which was the bonus question. i was like O.o BAKA! STUPIDO!
I got a 100+ on the same test.
I studied for around 15 minutes for it.

Oh aren't you pathetic? Carrying your own chair. Did anyone ask you about your score? Like, is Kairi's profile your profile also? So you got 100+, like, was it important to shove it to people's faces that you studied for only 15 minutes? No. You were just being too full of your insecure self. Do you think people would go to Kairi's page to know more things about YOU? Again, no. Again, you're pathetic.

The E-mail

2006-06-18T23:09:00.000-06:00

People, behold Chaotic Deception's Idiocy:

1) Below is my flame to her best friend called Compulsive Twitch (not only until yesternight did I realize that the latter's complex is Tourette's syndrome)

I beseech you to stop writing. No, really. You don't even know that putting author's notes in the middle of the story is not only rude, but apparently retarded.

You don't know how to write. Your punctuations, or lack thereof, are atrocious and so is your general grammar. And I guess I would just render myself redundant if I say that your spellings suggest a 3-year-old kid trying to scribble down some sense in a notepad, failing miserably.

And then, your OC is an effing Mary Sue. A stupid self-insert which is so easily transparent that all that's missing is a picture of you that says "I'm stronger than all the five Hokages put together." Maybe you could also add, "I can murder Kakashi with my great ball of chakra and send the whole Konoha crumbling down without lifting a finger." You know, I have a few suggestions to make: 1) why don't you shift this OC to a Dragon Ball Z fic so she wouldn't look so ridiculously strong? You must know that Itachi is the strongest of all Konoha shinobi and for this 12-year-old girl to beat him to a pulp, well, it's just plain inconceivable. 2) If you're really set on continuing this fic, kindly go to "edit stories" and change the genre into "parody". 3) If you're going to bash Kishimoto's characters, please get lost. And lastly, ERASE THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A FIC.

But then again, this fic is probably a JOKE. I take it as a joke, in fact, because I refuse to believe that someone who actually knows how to upload a story in ffn could be as retarded as this. I mean, don't pretend to be stupid. It's annoying. People are going through hard experiences and trials just so they wouldn't be called stupid, and then here you are trying to look cutesy-pie in this stupid fic of yours and begging the world to call you stupid just so they can call you cute. For the record, it doesn't make you look any better. It's an insult. You're an insult to my IQ.

Ja ne!

2) This is Chaotic Deception's reply to me:

... Okay. I have no complaints to you flaming my friend. I actually ENCOURAGE you to flame her. But you're a rookie flamer. If you flamed me, i would cry of LAUGHTER.

But of COURSE she's an insult to your IQ. You don't have one, so it's insulting that someone else does.

First of all, you flamed my friends FIRST story. NO ONE's first story is good.

SECOND OF ALL, do you even know what you WROTE!? I mean, reread your flames, all of them. And think. Is this really true? Or am i just typing down random insulting words so that this rookie writer will disappear into her sad little world?

Third- Author notes in the middle of a story indicate that the author actually CARES about her readers, and treats them as people, instead of just readers.

fourth- If you don't like something, DONT READ IT.

Fifth- Okay, Dana (AKA Compulsive Twitch) Did NOT put herself in her story. you don't know how she acts. She's the most ignorant, self concious, angry, hypocrite I know. And she also has a complex. Reread her fic, and tell me if the mary sue is anything, ANYTHING, like that brief description.

Go ahead. Flame me for telling you that not only you suck at flaming, reading, and reviewing, but writing as well. I tried reading one of your fics, and i couldn't get past the first sentence.

There's a little language you should learn about. It's called ENGLISH.

Sorry if i'm being rude, but reading your reviews and your profile, i can tell that you're rude all the time, and i admire your guts.

Unlike most though, your guts contain no glory. Flaming people, just for the sake of flaming, is NOT COOL.

-Chaotic Deception

P.S.- LEARN HOW TO FLAME.

3) And this, dear people, is my immediate comeback. I went easy on her as I know her intelligence, or utter lack thereof, wouldn't be able to handle it.

I wonder why someone who apparently can't USE apostrophe can say that I need to learn English. Please, your profile is ridden with grammatical errors. If you can spot one on mine, I'd give you extra credit.

Let's see. I understand that your best friend is a RETARD, and that's what I said in my flame. Something wrong with being completely honest? Please, stop contradicting your pathetic self.

Tell me though, HOW DO YOU FLAME? Do you pull up some cowardly, cheap comeback like this? Throwing everything back to me when you yourself know that Twitch's Mary Sue is herself? You said she has a complex, that she's a hypocrite, ignorant and for some abnormal reason, self-conscious (though it's amazing how a person can be self-conscious and yet IGNORANT. Hahaha. She should be in a circus!). Her Mary Sue, however, is nothing like that. For your information, a Mary Sue doesn't necessarily--in any way--resemble the person who created her. A Mary Sue, if you don't already know, is someone's dream self. I bet Twitch's dream self couldn't be a retard like her. Hahahaha. Tell me, is your Mary Sue a retard like you? Birds of the same feather flock together. Now I know why people who can't write, people like you, stay together to make an army of attention whores who can't use punctuations.

About my flame. I wouldn't actually call it something that sucks. If you read closely, I stated the things which I find lacking/wrong in her fic. Number 1) the absence of punctuations; Number 2) putting author's notes in the middle of the story and lastly, the spellings and the entire grammar even. Her spellings can't even beat my 6-year-old sister's. Her grammar is way below mine when I was just a fetus. Hey, do you want me to MST her work/crap so I can point out to you the horrible mistakes? You can't seem to figure out her mistakes because you're also a pitiable moron.

Come on, don't pretend that you're not DYING of anger when I flamed your friend. Please, don't struggle to keep your cool by saying you have nothing against me. The mere fact that you blared at me with this PM is a clear testimony that you have everything against me. As a matter of candid fact, you seem more affected by the flame than Twitch herself. Why, do you resemble her UGLY fic and you're so mad at me for calling it ugly because you yourself are just as ugly?

If my flame sucks, why don't you contradict it? Prove to me that I'm wrong in most of the points I tackled. For example, I said that placing author's notes in the middle of the story is innappropriate; for your part, why can't you conduct a survey among all writers/reviewers/readers you know regarding whether or not A/N's in the middle of the story are okay? Or better yet, prove to me that Twitch uses correct grammar. Or that her OC is not a Mary Sue when she already admitted so herself.

So Twitch is treating her readers as humans (NOT JUST MERE READERS) when she puts those nasty A/N's? More like, she's patronizing them, she's treating them like retards who are so puzzled by the way the story goes. Do writers put A/N's in the middle of the story? Look around the best writers in that category. Do they place A/N's everywhere? I would accept if Twitch's A/N's were moderated. No, but they screamed very much like, 'I need attention. Give it to me! Ain't I cute?' It's so pathetic.

As for my works...God! Look up the meaning of the following words in the dictionary: PARODY and SARCASM. If you've read the reviews for my story 'For What it Takes', some more intelligent people there REALIZED that it was a parody, meaning, it satirized crappy, amateurish works by IMITATING them. Savvy? If I didn't get that across to you, maybe you can watch Mad TV or Saturday Night Live. That's where they make fun of people by imitating them.

It just occurred to me that you don't know what 'criticize' means. Honey, you didn't criticize my flame/works/reviews. You just said they suck without even backing your statement up. Unlike my flame (which tells why Twitch's story sucks), your PM to me is one insecure, pointless, irrationally put rubbish. The moment you say that someone's work sucks, you must entail your declaration by giving out the reasons why it sucks. And that, dear, is how a group of words becomes a criticism. I knew it; you're one dumb platypus that eats planktons.

So come on, say that this reply sucks. I know that's the only comeback you're capable of. Say that I don't know English language when here I am, pleading you to grow a brain and use the language correctly. If you're so good and you're so much better than me, why don't you ask Twitch to, like, have you as her beta-reader. Then again, you yourself can't use an apostrophe so there's no use.

For the record, I can give you a link to some people's first stories that DON'T suck. That's because they knew grammar when they first uploaded their fics. Evidently, you and your friend are among the unfortunate group of people who suck the first time around. Too bad.

4) And I very much want to ask why she would call her best friend ignorant and hypocritical. To my mystification, she calls Twitch her best friend. Lady, have you no friends or what? Don't you know what 'friend' is?

And oh, didn't you say you encourage me to flame Twitch? Then why, oh why, did you tell me that if I don't like the story (which apparently is the case), then DON'T read it? Are you stupid or a fetus? You CAN'T flame people if you haven't read their stories. Please, don't ask me to do one thing and then simultaneously ask me to do another, which is an entirely different thing. Ha! You're so stupid. You don't even know that flames are meant to be rude. You probably just haven't heard of the term constructive criticism. I really pity you now. BAKA!

The Omen (The Attention Whore is born)

2006-06-18T03:23:00.000-06:00

You guys won't believe this. In ffn is a writer more profoundly pathetic than anyone you have flamed. She likes attention and her desire is eating away her existence. You must give her attention and deceive yourselves in thinking that she is the cutest being ever! Her name is Chaotic Deception and her A/N's in her stories are enough to blow away the anti-christ.

Hey Chaotic Deception,
check out your A/N's, they're pathetic. Is this an attempt to look cute? As expected, you only write for reviews..."I need 5 reviews to upload blah blah"

Man, you are pathetic.
You think it's cute, don't you? It's NOT.

The italicized words are Chaotic Deception's A/N's in her stories.

do you guys have any cookies?

Tell you what, it's not cute, it's embarassing. Didn't your parents give you any attention? Well, I'm giving you now so that you'd shut up.

Oh this is a winner, a pathetic excuse to seem funny:

Imagine that I put a disclaimer.

Look, no one's gonna be fascinated with this so you could've just written a disclaimer. It's as easy as typing 'I do not own the Final Fantasy series'. But being the attention whore that you are, you had to write "Imagine that I put a disclaimer." Why do I say that you're pining for attention? Because you had to go out of your way to type unusual things so that people would notice you. I, for one, noticed you. Of course, attention whores are easy to spot. But I have to give you props because you're the worst case.

And another one:

Now it’s May 14yh. I put the Y there on purpose.

Honestly, are you that desperate to give out a certain impression? For the nth time, you're not cute. What you're doing is not cute either. We know that that 'y' there is a typo, no need to be all fuzzy. But you want attention so you're saying that you put that on purpose because it looks better. Okay, then you did that on purpose did you have to say that? Oh, I forgot, you are an insufferable effing attention whore so you have to explain yourself when NO ONE is asking.

Oh! There's another one!:

Now my average is 200o words a chapter! Oops, that’s an O not a 0.

You know it's easier to just replace o with 0...but no, your pathetic self must think of a more tedious way in order to shove it to your readers' faces that you've committed a typo, it's understandable and forgiveable that you typed o instead of 0 and people wouldn't mind. But you WANT them to mind. For you, every little attention matters as though the world will crumble if someone ignores you once. Pathetic.

Oh my! I guess this will never end!:

Read. Review. Become a plumber.

Talking nonsense deliberately to seem, surprise, cute. Sorry, it doesn't work.

Okay this is not funny anymore, your insatiable need for attention is driving me to boredom. Another one for you guys!:

Yup.

Edited.

Rewritten.

Sora... Sorta.

Read.

Review.

Cake.

Short chapter..."

*sarcastic* Oh my God! What's "cake" doing there! The author is so cute and cool and she's obviously NOT desperate for attention! Cutie cutie you! You know, inserting random words all of a sudden, that's like so out of this world! I can't get enough of her! And you first typed 'Sora' instead of 'Sorta', how carelessly cool and cute! You could have just inserted 't' somewhere but you are so artistic when it comes to attention-gathering so you added an ellipsis and typed the entire correct word!

Oh you don't wanna write author's notes but you would write trying-hard-to-look-cute-and-cool pathetic things. Yeah right. Whatever you say, attention whore. We all get it so please, for the sake of humanity, enough already. Here goes another one:

I don’t wanna write an authors note.

This was taken from Jak II Sortoff.

Last couple of chapters.

(B) Beauty (G) Gasser (D) Don Patch

Read.

Review.

I LIKE NINJA STARS!

Become a Plumber.

"Become a Plumber" "Eat Pie"... Those are very random and cool and cute!

Oh, she also likes to play cool, check this out:

Hope you enjoyed this! If I get TEN REVIEWS I'll do Keira, and someone you would never expect!

And as if we don't know a lot about you, you have to write things about YOURSELF in your A/N:

HIYA PPLS! This is not part of the story. That’s why it is in BOLD letters! Eh, anyway, the chapter names are based on episode names from Chobits. Just thought I’d tell you. Incase you’re all wondering, unlike my attitude, this’ll probably be a really serious story. MAYBE. I haven’t beaten either game this is based on yet, but that’s what the internet is for. Oh, BTW, Tifa is telling this, so no one gets confused. TO CHAPTER ONE! AWAAAAAAY!

Oh, you're so bubbly and your cuteness is driving me insane. You're right, this chappie is so unlike you, it's serious and kinda emotional while you, well, you're so cute even though I haven't seen you in person. We were really wondering what you are like. REALLY. We are SO interested about you because you seem so cute. Your A/N's tell everything. Did I mention that you're cute? And that you're NOT an attention whore?

Oh, I care too much about your fic so thanks for clearing this up. You know, you're so cute and the world revolves around you. So it has made a big difference in my life that you've made it clear that you changed your U/N twice, I thought I was going crazy at first so thanks.:

And no, you’re not going crazy, I changed my U/N Twice before I uploaded this.

Thanks for clearing this one too:

That’s chapter eight. Deal with it.'

I'm sorry but I can't deal with it. I can't believe chapter 8 is done. I'm crying now. Is it really over? It's so hard to deal with. Completely impossible.

Call her Rune

2006-06-15T22:58:00.000-06:00

Gosh darn. Would you believe me if I say that I have possibly found a writer who writes worse than anyone I've ever flamed before and anyone whom I'll flame in the future? Or even anyone I haven't flamed yet?

Go here. Read her story.

I'm not going to elaborate. See for yourselves.

Naruto

2006-06-02T05:27:00.000-06:00

I don't understand why these idiot fangirls insist on making Mary Sues for Naruto. Or turning Hinata into a goddamn Mary Sue. And thus turning Sakura into this evil untalented mistress of the bog.

WHY?

CAN'T THEY SEE THAT Sasuke is the biggest frickin' Mary Sue of them all. One, he's good-looking. Two, he's talented (supposedly - but if I were asked, I'd bet that Neji or Lee or Kimimaro or even, Sakura is better). Three, he's mysterious. Four, he has a mission. Five, the main character is mysteriously drawn to him.

I just finished reading chapter 309. I know someone who loves Kabuto to bits. Maybe it's me.

Back to business, people

2006-04-14T01:23:00.000-06:00

People, I stumbled upon another interesting person. Please proceed to http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2206068/1/.

Thank you all.

A Succinct Message

2006-03-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

Succinct and very funny. And more to the point of this whole affair, this message shows why we're having such an unholy good time tending to members of the bovine family who are under attack from Cow-brain-eating bacteria.

bot@fanfiction.com to me
More options 4:16 am (16 hours ago)

You have received a private message from:

penname: hitotsu-no-hanbaagaa
profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/971255/
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Your not worth my time.

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Yeehaw! Gosh, I hate donkeys.

The Stage is on to Anyone who Wants Attention; featuring KELSEY the attention-whore

2006-03-14T04:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone, everyone, settle down because I’m here.

Alright, death-by-masamune dug up a fortune by coming across somebody named Hitotsu No Hanbaagaa. I doubt if it was by accident because, apparently, this person delves into Earth’s deepest pits to gain--surprise, surprise--ATTENTION, which simply goes to say that she had to hunt down death-by-masamune so the latter may have the heart to give her the ATTENTION she craves for.

If she weren’t so blatant in her quest for ATTENTION I would’ve given her more credit. But of course, there are such lowlifes whose likes are such we haven’t heard of. Like her whose parents are probably not by her side and hence can’t give her enough attention.

I’ll brief you about the whole intricacy of the abovementioned mess:

Death-by-masamune, ivyblusummers, Night Strider, caffeine-freak and me flamed a story called ‘Taija, A Ninja without a Village’. Then here comes Hitotsu No Hanbaagaa barging in our private business and hurling scornful invectives that sound as though she were the afflicted. Naturally, we assumed that she is the writer (Tabby, so she calls her) of said crap. But, as a weird stroke of fate would have it, she comes DENYING everything. Moreover, she has admitted that she doesn’t know shit about NARUTO (under which category the said fic is numbered) and thus, doesn’t know what we are blabbing about.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Let me get this straight, girl. You are NOT Tabby (THE DELUSIONAL SWOONING WENCH WE JUST FLAMED), you don’t know anything about Naruto and you have virtually no idea whatsoever what we are caterwauling about. Are all of the above correct?

If yes, well, WHAT EXCATLY, PRAY TELL, IS YOUR BUSINESS WITH US?

Are you telling me that if I saw someone who got flamed I should force myself in said argument for whatever reason I was nursing at the moment? Because, according to my estimation, that’s exactly what you did. Really, I find that extremely pathetic. If you need help, don’t hesitate to sign up for a brothel; people there would sure give you ATTENTION.

I have been most curious at your claim to grammatical knowledge. As far as I can see, your usage of ‘too’, ‘to’, ‘its’ (which you interchanged with ‘it‘s‘ in your PM’s to me and death-by-masamune more than twice), ‘it’s’ is way too abnormal. All of which, I’m afraid, could be learned in kindergarten English or simply by way of common sense. It’s either you don’t have both or you’re just pretending NOT to know so we can pay you more ATTENTION. Allow me to further my uneasiness by MSTing your messages to death-by-masamune (note that I will propound on your technical retardation):

Hello, its (why the possessive term?) me again. Apparently you did not believe that it was me that (Darling, this should be ‘who’, but since you’re not human and don’t act one I’ll let on) wrote to you last time. Well, you were wrong. If all you can do is critize (What the hell is this? I don’t know what this is, I’m so sorry.) peoples (Apostrophe, dear, apostrophe) work it will not make them better. But if you give your opinions on ways (replace this with ‘in a way that’) they could make it better then their work would better please the population. So next time you think about dissing someones (apostrophe again. Please put in mind that they, apostrophes, make large differences in what you want to say) work, don't. Because it will only give you enemies. And when you grown (Uh, this is so moronic. If you’re gonna use perfect tenses, please try to re-check your basic grammar textbook) older, age with time, and lie in your death bed, you may regret the way you treated others in the "good old days". But by then it will be too late, and you will never know what became of those people. Not until you are forgiven will you rest in peace. I do not know your religon (What‘s this? Another invention of yours?), or if you even have one, but to me no one will ever be eternally peaceful until you have no regrets and all of the people you have offended in the past have either forgotten or forgiven you for your stupidity.

BYLT: Shockingly, I’m the one who’s being accused of grammatical incapability. How ironic. Here’s another one:

Hi, I am not Tabby. I am Kelsey. I protect my friends when they cant (What‘s ‘cant‘? I know cunt and can‘t, but this? Enlighten me). I, like you, enjoy messing with other peoples (Again, apostrophe missed you) heads. I do not know how to prove it too (This, girl, is what I was talking about when I said you don’t know when to use ‘too’ and ‘to’) you that I am not her (Tabby). But ask me any questions you want. I will reply with the answer I see fit. I do have nothing against you as a person. Just with the way you treat others. I guess I do get carried away often, and for that I am sorry. I say we should both act more mature then we have in the past. I do apologize. I do not have mucus for brains, but sometimes I wish I did, then everything would be less complicated. If I do not reply often it is because I must use the Library for internet. That, and I am often not home. Now I know very little about you, like your gender, age or race, but that does not make you any different from me. We both speak our minds and that is a trait that I am most proud of in myself. I do not write stories, I do not read Naruto or watch it either. I set my own trends (or at least I try). I am going to delete what I wrote in my profile now. TTYL Love, Kelsey

BYLT: Funny, funny, funny. Do I hear the bells of capitulation? She’s such a loser. Hey Kels, just because you're losing doesn't mean we're going to stop picking on your grammar and misspellings. Another one (I included death-by-masamune’s corrections and added mine, which are in uppercase):

Oh my... someone's delusional! As if I the "Almighty righteous religious God" would have to compete for the attention of such an insectual(what’s this? I haven’t heard of this word) underling? I think not. Once more, I repeat, I am NOT Kakashipsychogirl. Don't make me say that again, as I do hate to reiterate. Correct young grasshopper(yawn), you didn't flame me. You flamed Kakashipsychogirl. Who is not me. I didn't complain about your beliefs, in fact I quiet (QUITE) like the idea of Hinduism (Now, kindly tell me when did I say I am a believer of Hindu? Who’s delusional here?). I merely was questioning your devotion to said faith. I'm not playing God. That's the job of my dear friend DragonLady87 (YOU'RE POINT BEING? I DON'T CARE WHAT PREACHER YOU HAVE FOR A FRIEND. WHAT WE'RE HOMING AT IS HER TERRIBLE WRITING). Try talking to her, I dare you. As far as religious talk, and speculation, once again I implore, write to DragonLady87 (AND WHY ARE YOU RECOMMENDING HER? IS SHE JESUS OR SOMETHING?), if you believe you can stomach her... blunt... and harsh interpretation of religion (HARSH? WHAT IF I TELL YOU THAT RELIGION ONLY EXISTS BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SHIT-SCARED OF NATURAL DISASTERS? WOULD THAT SUFFICE?). I have no contradictions with my belief, perhaps you should use a dictionary when trying to insult someone, as I believe the words you were meaning to use were not the ones you did infact(spacing?) chose (choose)(to)bore me with. I have no such identity crisis, and fear that you might have me confused with another. Plus, if I did, infact (spacing?), have an Identity crisis, how awful a person would that make you for agitating me?(haha, who first, did the agitating?) Would not you, the better person in said situation back off and drop it as I would not be of sound mind to refute your accusations. Or is it the fact that you are SO simple-minded that it makes you feel more powerful to attack those and diagnose them with your own faults . I am not 'dying from insecurity', I am most secure in my composure. You have not offended me, until this moment, once again, talk to DragonLady87. Too bad you have already begun to speak of me in a most displeasing Manor (correct your noun, it’s ‘manner’ :D). 'Cowardly Champion'? I am no such thing. If I was cowardly, why would I waste my time berating you. Because surely, if I was so cowardice (correct your adjective, it’s ‘cowardly’), would I not flee from the keyboard (keyboard of justice, huh?) this very instant? Nay, I shall stay and endure your ridiculous comments! I wish not for your attention, merely your SOUL. (what the eff are you talking about:D) Yours with the utmost respect and honor, Kelsey the "Cowardly Champion!" (WHY THE SUDDEN ARCHAIC ENGLISH? PLEASE, YOU ALREADY BEGAN SOUNDING LIKE YOU'VE SPRUNG FROM A GHETTO, DON'T GO BACK ON YOUR BAD HABITS, DEAR.)

BYLT: Okay, okay, why is RELIGION so big nowadays? Like, who cares? The most successful people don’t have religions and yet they live beautifully. Your point, specifically? And please KELSEY, when did I tell you that I subscribe to Hinduism? Did you just have a dream about me in which I said I’m Hindu? Jesus fucking Christ, where are your brain cells?

Oh, and cut the crap, bitch. You think death-by-masamune would even pay attention to someone who wants to ‘reform’ him? Ha! If you know what we’ve been through, i.e., with scum like you who beseech us to help the writers improve and give them nice constructive criticisms, you wouldn’t be saying anything near to ‘she needs improvement, not harsh criticisms’.

LASTLY, IF THIS DOES NOT CONVINCE YOU OF YOUR GRAMMAR AND SPELLING RETARDATION, I SUGGEST YOU TRY LOOKING FOR A RELIGION (SINCE YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH IT ANYWAY) THAT TEACHES PEOPLE CORRECT GRAMMAR AND SPELLING.

Look who crawled out of the abyss...

2006-02-07T19:52:00.000-07:00

Kampasi wrote on my review box for the story For What It Takes:

It's... it's a guy...? o__o

After all this time, I always thought this person was a girl. A real bitch, who flamed my younger self for fun... Really, I was angry with everything SHE stood for on this website... Flames are fine, but you don't have to be unusually cruel.

And it turns out to be a guy. Call me sexist, but now I don't really care. XD Yeah, she/he flamed the hell out of my old account. I'm resubmitting the same story, but editted because of that. So something good came out of it. However, that doesn't make up for how awful I used to feel.

I still think she/he is a bitch. I'm glad they're gone. =D And if they're not, then they'll be zipping over to my fic soon to flame it. The editted version. Ha.

Hell, I'm a bit out of whack today. It's still too early and I'm wondering what I'm doing up but I do remember her as the one who misquoted that Klingon proverb "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Instead of saying it like it is, she had to make it hers by saying, "Revenge will never be a dish best served cold."

It is too early to focus on being called a bitch. I'm so awful, terrible, insufferable - and I'm shooting for Satan's throne.

Well yeah, I'm a guy and I screw girls from time to time. Nothing special really. I'm trying to make a string of broken hearts. Hahahahaha!

If you can believe that.

Another one bites the bait

2006-01-29T03:09:00.000-07:00

KLiC 015 told me:

Okay let's get one thing straight, that fan fic you just flamed was only one of my first and laziest, as I call them, assignments. Plus I'm already trying to find my own style in writting. It has been my dream to become an author for a long time, did it even occur to you why I write fan fics? Fan fics are only my practice area. Plus Destroyed and Reborn is not MY original work, my other friends messed with it too, we did it for kicks. I don't write much action or comedy, I do drama, angst, those type of stories. I have other fan fics if you didn't notice. I admit, I'm an amateur now. I can't write like my idols, or maybe I never will. But you see, I write because I enjoy doing it. Not because of the fans. It's my life, the only thing I find peace in. I can see what people say about my stories and eventually create my own original style that everyone can enjoy. I write fan fics because I want to practice for the big time. It's hard enough to keep my place in the top ten of the
class and practice my writting skills at the same time. Just stop reading this fan fic, even I hated what my friends and I made. I wanted to make it my own original work with only one OC, but they butted in and ruined it. I thought, it was only a fan fic what the heck. Don't say I suck, because eventually, people will say that your work sucks too. Being flamed now, for me, is part of the job. So don't think I'll stop writting because you told me to. I will never give up my dream because someone said I suck when they should try and see what their calling someone who has feelings. Remember this, I am young and determined to become a great author one day. I write stories to make people happy, if doesn't anymore then I'll just change it. I admit I was really bitchy to everyone who flamed me, well most of it came from my friends, but I realized it's part of the task of an author. I will accet these as challenges on my road of one day becoming a world-renowned author and lift the
name of my country with my writting. I can write good stories, I know I can. That's why I want to imporve more and more each day. My message to you, calling people a moron is so juvenille.

I say:

Laziest? So what? Is that an excuse to suck? Besides, little girl, 'Elite Love' is no better. It's the same mistake-ridden cliché that you can't edit because you don't have enough intelligence to do so.

And you're not the only one who worked on it? Why, is that all your meager, combined IQ could manage? How many of you wrote that crap? 3? God forbid he meets people dumber than you. Then again, that can't be possible.

It's not your original work. Mmmh, I dread to think what your original work would look like. Spare me in that case.

You write because you enjoy doing it? Let's see, do you also enjoy calling reviewers/critics/flamers dumbasses? Look at the way you write, if that can't be called a work of an utter dumbass then I wouldn't know what to call you. Maybe worse-than-dumbass would suit you. If you don't write for the fans/readers then why the hell do you have to beg them for reviews? A decent and smart writer would know better than to act like she's whoring her shitty fics.

Who in the world ever told you that writing would improve your style? It won't. You know why? Because there is no external source of inspiration. In that manner you only entertain your own style, you don't get inspiration, and you're stuck with your frighfully amateurish qualities. If you want to improve your writing, then go read some good books.

Why shouldn't I say that you suck? Are you asking me to lie just to give you a nice rep? Face it, you suck huge time.

'Being flamed now, for me, is part of the job.' Really? From what I see, you can't accept criticisms. You just tell your critics to shut the hell up and stop reading. In case you didn't know, critiques are also a way to improve your miserable writing ability, or lack thereof. Can't stomach them? Why don't you stop uploading your fics then?

'So don't think I'll stop writting because you told me to. I will never give up my dream because someone said I suck when they should try and see what their calling someone who has feelings.' HAHAHAHAHA! This quite moved me to tears. No, I won't stop until you turn your stinking attitude around. You're hopeless as anyone could get.

'Remember this, I am young and determined to become a great author one day.' Great author? But you are way behind. You watch crap, you read crap from Dan Brown who doesn't know how to write creatively, you read Baby-Sitter Club Book Series, Nancy Drew Books, Narnia, A Series of Unfortunate Events when you're old enough to have your menstrual period and you definitely can't learn anything from those. I started reading Stephen King when I was 14 fucking years old, I'm 18 now and I don't think I could remotely become a decent author someday. What more if I were like you?

'I write stories to make people happy, if doesn't anymore then I'll just change it.' I thought you don't write for fans? Are you contradicting yourself? It wasn't a paragraph ago when you just said you don't write for anyone else but for your progress. You need psychological assistance, bad.

Here's the deal; unless you learn how to spell 'writing' and 'juvenile' correctly, you won't be able to know how to begin writing a mediocre story.

I still think you're a moron, nothing more.

Interesting News

2005-11-11T01:55:00.000-07:00

I happened to come across this video link in MSN. Click the play button under the heading of "Americans' bad grammar costly". And people think it's not productive to be a grammar Nazi. If Fortune 500 companies are spending $3 billion dollars a year to salvage English grammar as some of us know it, then I can't help but call it an industry in itself.

But it's unbelievable how some Canadians and Americans - some of them already teenagers or even worse in some cases, adults - could not spell simple things like sugar, grammar, definitely etc or use then and than, apostrophes and possessive nouns and pronouns.

The Age of Retards has come down upon us to smite us with enough sense with the truth that we are the first ones to go.

*I'm sorry for the sporadic updates. Really busy. Uhm, I would hazard a guess though that the next Harry Potter movie will not live up to the third.

Caffeine-addict is gonna have a field day

2005-09-20T01:47:00.000-06:00

Here's what the tide brought in. Another self-righteous dickwad who couldn't get the title of this blog. By the way, he/she's also someone who ironically can spare enough time and effort to lecture me - a total stranger - about getting a life. Now, where have I seen this before? Is this deja vu? The feeling that this has already happened before is deja vu, the feeling that this has already happened before...

Apparently, I missed this.

The comment is as follows (if you're too lazy to click it):

Anonymous said...
BLOG HOPPING BROUGHT ME IN A FLAMER'S PLAYGROUND

kid, well atleast you sound like one... what's with the flaming shit? Lemme guess, you're one of those insecure freaks in real life ei... who's existence is pretty much ignored. Hmmm, i'm thinking here on the net you get together with some of your other flaming friends who can't get enough of themselves because that's all they're good for.

I must admit that your blog is amusing...Mary is now a STAR, what is that? C'mon kid the "on the net I'm somebody" act is right next to "on the net I can be a perv" and "on the net I'm a goddamn girl, in real life I'm BUTCH." Anyhow, you're a sad waste of talent...If you get shot down in real life the same way you do to people here, i wouldn't be surprised...haha as if I'll know.

All you do is burst all the bubbles that don't reflect your prism... Have you ever actually done something to authenticate yourself around these parts? Sigh, your flaming is worth .0000000000001 if it does nothing but ruin others for sake of building your self.

NOw I know you're goin to either delete this or flame it... go ahead. If you want to humiliate my grammar no problem, I admit that I'm not that particular with syntax and my typing is a bit screwed up most of the time... so what? Get a life puhleez.

--end of message

Dude, you can go on ahead saying that kind of stuff about me but you already mentioned the truth, you'll never know what I'm like in real life so just imagine some hairy fatso with a belly that shames that guy from Christmas if that's what floats your boat. The problem is that I haven't been able to update for a really long while because damn it, I do have a life which prevents me from flaming all day long. What can't you get about the following statement?

I HATE IDIOTS.

Fact is, they'll just keep on getting on as idiots until someone gives 'em a wake-up call. But just to let you know, you're doing the same thing to me that I'm doing to the idiots. Except of course, I'm not the idiot in either equation. You're telling me that I get something from crushing other people's egos but isn't what you're trying to do to me, by principle, the same? Your success is questionable though because I've already encountered several people like you and you have yet to make a dent on my thick, horny hide.

To my flaming friends:
I don't know what to say. Will this suffice? I've got better things to do than blog-hopping? Like perfecting my grammar because that's what I study in the university?

But I doubt if the righteous one will appear again.

Everyone should see this

2005-08-28T23:31:00.000-06:00

Har. Har. Har. No this is really funny especially if you understand sarcasm. If the turd brains out there don't get what's going on in this blog despite the lexical definition supplied by Celestial Maiden from the comment below, this work of art by Risachantag might open their meager minds a bit. It really captures the center of the issue.

OMG, this Sakura Minamino gal is actually one-half of the Ookami and Kampasi dumb and dumber duo. I wonder why Kampasi's not replying. Hmm. Should I take a guess? I shouldn't. I wouldn't want to insult the intelligence of my pals.

Miss Kampasi and Her Abilities

2005-08-07T04:11:00.000-06:00

Words in between --( and )-- are mine.

A look of surprise crossed the boys --(where’s the apostrophe?)-- face, and then that of hatred. “What did I ever do to you, huh?” He snapped, claws coming out --(from where? His ears?)--. “If I wasn’t stuck to this damned tree, I’d teach you a thing or two!”
“Allow me to solve your problem!” Kiki exclaimed, limped over to the boy --(Syntax error. Kiki exclaimed, limping over to the boy OR Kiki exclaimed and limped over to the boy.)--. Her leg shot bolts of pain along her side but she ignored it. Her pride was overrunning her common sense; if she released Inuyasha from the tree, it would prove to be a difficult fight. However, Kiki was confident enough with her spiritual powers to let him loose and battle with him.
“W-what?” he stammered, surprised again. Kiki approached him and grabbed the arrow protruding from his chest as if to pull it out. The combination of her hand and the arrow did not produce what she expected however; an explosion of light filled the area, blinding her --(What poor description! A combination of her hand and the arrow? Will it make brownies? I’ll give you a more pellucid example. “Once her hand made contact with the arrow, she was surprised to find a burst of blinding light spread throughout the area.”)--. She could feel her spiritual energy being sucked straight out of her hands and into the arrow and the image began to flicker. The illusion of a round gem-like object replaced that of the arrow, it --(Where’s your comma here? Did it go on permanent vacation?)-- apparently being the source of all the light. In a standstill --(Standstill? That means a halt or cessation! It’s a noun! Why do you use it to describe another noun? What about a “moment of stillness”?)-- moment the jewel flew into Kiki’s hands, and as suddenly as the light had come, it ended. Out of pure surprise, she fell off the root and onto the dirt, clutching the object to her.
Inuyasha looked limp for a moment, his body slouched over and his hair masking his face --(Another syntax error with a mistake in punctuation. Do you even know how what you write sounds like? Inuyasha looked limp for a moment; his body slouched over, his hair masking his face OR Inuyasha looked limp for a moment and his body slouched over with his hair masking his face OR Inuyasha looked limp for a moment; his body slouched over and his hair masked [covered would be more fitting, by the way] his face. The clause, “his body slouched over” is an independent one. Separate that from another independent clause [e.g. Inuyasha looked limp for a moment] with a comma and you have yourself a run-on sentence and no chance to pass the mistake off as an anacoluthon. I can’t even understand why you used “and” before the phrase, “his hair masking his face” when its use requires consistency in the structure of the elements it joins.)--. Then a deep, insane chuckle echoed across the area, morphing --(Morphing? Doesn’t that word have something to do with form and structure, and therefore should be perceived by the ocular senses? Your difficulties in word selection, no doubt caused by your reading materials or lack thereof, accompanied by your desire to impress your peers are producing catastrophic results upon your writing.)-- into a laugh. His body unslouched --(Unslouched indeed! Your word processor should’ve disagreed with this. Apparently, you’re so great that you are authorized to invent words! What’s so wrong about using “straightened”?)-- and he held up his hands in the classic “Muhahahaha!” villain stance. Kiki looked at him, wide eyed and then at the jewel in her hands.
“Ok, girl. Hand over the jewel and I’ll kill you quickly.” Inuyasha said with a smirk, ripping the roots that hand grown around his legs from his body.
“No.” Kiki said firmly, standing. Her stance was steady and she felt re-energized and refreshed --(Jut one point that you need to clear up since I don’t watch Inuyasha: does the stone have healing powers? If it doesn’t, your Mary Sue has the astonishing healing powers of Wolverine. Re-energize is another invention of yours, isn’t it? Energize could have done the job, you know.)--. Something told her not to hand over the jewel. The boy, in response, lunged at her. She did a one-handed back-handspring out of the way, clutching the jewel in her right hand and landing in another fighting stance facing towards him. “Care to try that again?”
A series of lunges and dodges followed and Kiki and Inuyasha dodged between trees and brush, making their way steadily out of the forest. Kiki set her hands up as if she were drawing back a bow using only her pointer --(Do you know what an index finger is?)-- and middle fingers for both hands. The image of a bow and arrow flickered in bright pink light, and the arrow flew at Inuyasha as soon as she let go of the imaginary string. It struck him in the shoulder and scorched right through his kimono, causing him to growl in pain. “Wind!” she called quickly, raising the hand containing the jewel into the air. Gusts of leaves and branches swirled around them, blurring Inuyasha’s vision.
“Iron reaper soul stealer!” Inuyasha called, slashing through the twigs and leaves. The wind didn’t let up, and Kiki made her escape off into the direction she thought was the bone eater’s well. She came upon it quickly and searched all four sides for a rock she had placed there many years ago.
A six year old Kiki is dancing through the woods with a younger looking Kaede in close pursuit. “What --(Isn’t this supposed to be “Watch”?)-- out, child!” Kaede called, but it was too late. Kiki had tripped over a root and gone skidding head first into a clearing. She sat up, spitting leaves out of her mouth but stopped dead when she saw a boy no older than 18 pinned to a tree by a lone arrow before her.
“Mother! Mother!” She shrieked, pointing. She stood too quickly for her clumsy feet and fell backwards onto her bottom. Kaede slid down to her and helped her up. “Mother --(Do you realize what you’re saying here? Mother a boy! Your character is ordering someone to give birth to a boy. Hahaha! Why didn’t you put a comma after mother?)-- a boy! We have to help him!”
“No, child. We must leave him be. That is the boy, Inuyasha that I told you about, remember?” Kaede calmly stated, pointing --(at what? “Point” is a transitive verb and takes a direct object.)--. “You must never come here without me, and you must never touch the arrow protruding from his chest. He will not awaken if you do, but just to be on the safe side I would prefer it if you didn’t.”
Kiki nodded and skipped off to the right. “We’re going to the well, aren’t we Mama?” she chorused --(chorused with what or who? If she’s the only one talking to her mother, then there couldn’t have been a chorus.)--, quickly losing interest. Kaede smiled and followed, and they soon came upon it.
“Now, child, pick up that rock and put it on the side facing the village. No- not that side, Kiki. My --(My, you really don’t know how to use commas, do you?)-- you have a terrible sense of direction. Yes, that’s right. Now if you ever get lost and find this well, just follow the side with the rock coming from it.” Kaede shrugged off a pack she was carrying and the younger Kiki skipped over to help her. “Now let’s rid ourselves of these bones.”0
“Sweatdrop --(I’m going to let this one slide because it would be idiotic to explain why it’s wrong.)-- I can’t believe I forgot that…” Kiki murmured to herself as she ran in the direction of the rock. The wind caressed chillingly --(It’s contradictory to describe “caress”, a word which denotes an affectionate or loving touch with “chillingly”, something that indicates discomfort. It just gives off the wrong idea. Try this: The cold wind touched her feet, sending shivers up her spine.)-- at her feet, sending shivers up her spine. “Yes, I shouldn’t have forgotten. I just got so angry…” Kiki continued running towards the village, unsure of what to do. Was it wise to lead that boy back to the village? If the wind was at her feet now, was it still whirl-winding --(I’ll leave it to you to invent another word. Whirlwind is a noun. Don’t force it to become a verb by separating the two words with a hyphen. It’s the same as saying, “Was it still tornadoing itself around him?” It would have been easier to say: “Was the wind still whirling around him?”)-- itself around him? As if to answer her questions, she felt the boy’s presence approaching her from behind and coming on fast. She jumped nimbly out of the way as his claws came slashing down on the air --(air or space?)-- where she had been. --(She jumped out of the way before he could slash at her. What’s wrong with a sentence that’s as clear and simple as that? You try so hard to sound deep and lyrical that you end up using inappropriate words and wrong syntax. You write so much like that cow I encountered in FFN before.)--
“Damn you, girl! Stop jumping around!” Inuyasha growled, slashing at her again. She dodged but tripped over a branch and went flying forward and into the dirt. As Inuyasha’s claws came crashing --(You could do without the word “crashing” but of course you had to be yourself.)-- down at --(Don’t you think “on” would be more appropriate than “at”?)-- her, she rolled out of the way. He managed to cut deeply into her left arm before she was up and running again --(Ambiguity! Try this: “He managed to cut a deep wound on her left arm before she could get up and run.” There are so many ways to juggle the words in your story but you always manage to end up with an awkward sentence structure that sounds unnatural.)--.
“Dammit!” Kiki cursed under her breath, dodging another attack slower than she had been doing before --(How awkward this sentence construction is! Try this: Kiki cursed under her breath when she realized that her movements had slowed down just as Inuyasha made another attempt to attack her.)--. She jumped and skid --(Oh girl, look at your tenses. That should’ve been “skidded” because “jumped” is in the past tense.)-- down a grassy hill, the village in view before her. Upon coming the beginning of a path around the rice fields, Inuyasha jumped in front of her and cornered her against the hillside.
“Finally, you have nowhere to run. Now hand over the jewel.” He demanded, holding up his claws. “And I’ll make your death quick and painless.” Kiki let out a glass-shattering shriek --(Oh really? Did you know that it’s physically impossible for a voice to do that without a device to amplify it? But yeah, sure let’s just pass this off as a hyperbole because of my inveterate clemency in the morning.)--, calling the attention of all the elements around her. The water that the rice soaked in began to crash against the sides of the path and the wind picked up swiftly. Kiki fell to her knees and put up another spiritual arrow stance, pointing it directly at Inuyasha.
“You’ll never get your hands on this jewel.” She snarled --(So she snarled…but why didn’t you use an exclamation point in that sentence?)--. By now she had realized what it was. “Its sacred powers are far to --(Don’t you know how to use “too”?)-- great for that of a halfbreed --(A hyphen is required for such a word.)--.”
It was exactly the right thing to say. Inuyasha’s senses were now dimmed with well-held-back fury --(Why don’t you just use “restrained”?)--. Kiki’s deep purple eyes intensified her glare --(Is there a thermostat for her glare?)--, making her look very much like Kikyo when she had pinned him to the tree. Her arm was bleeding, her face twisted in that of hatred and anger --(her face twisted to an expression of hatred and anger)--, and she had a bow and arrow pointed right at him.
In conclusion, this story is poorly written as proven by the author’s inability to probe beyond the superficial actions of the characters of her story. Her narrative details are bland, redundant and hackneyed. The surfeit of adverbs is also an issue to be discussed but suffice it to say that ignorant amateurs are the ones who almost always fall into this trap. Perhaps it can be said that she has fewer grammatical errors compared to the usual Suethor, but all the same, she still has a lot of them for someone who claims to nitpick her own stories and of course, it takes more than a word processor to be a good writer. Now, I can clearly see the long shadow of her insecurity. If people with her level of writing become popular in the future, crack and smack should be made legal or rationed out by the government to people who still have an understanding of literature. These people wouldn’t be able to deal with the pain caused by the prevalence of her kind when they’re sober.
Remember, Miss Kampasi, you’re the one who dug your own grave by going to my blog to flaunt your mediocrity that you have somehow passed off as talent in writing. I’m not even going to say anything about your action, one that is demeaning only to yourself because you’ve just proven that my flames are good enough to be recycled, while you couldn’t even construct your own, that concerns one of my stories. Maybe next time, you’ll be better equipped to go against an entity such as I, but with your unfounded arrogance, inflexible ignorance and the way you write in general, I doubt it.

I’m sorry to butt in but this is just too tempting.
Miss Kampasi: Wild Oscar, since you do not have your own fic that I can reply on --(Girl, learn how to use conjunctions. It shouldn’t be on; it should be “to”.)-- (Understandable. Really.), I'm going to have to review on my own. I'm not happy about this in the least. This is not a review to me, and I will always lower my review number when telling people how many I have. --(How very prudent of you!)--

Miss Kampasi: Because you attacked my first chapter, the first thing I ever wrote on this site, I wonder if you've actually read any more of this story. =) --(You know what? I actually have and I must say, your sentences are convoluted, their form hardly proper and your syntax needs a lot of help!)--

Miss Kampasi: 'Kaede exclaimed, and looked up from Shippo at her'Wild Oscar: Shouldn't it be 'to' NOT 'at'?I'm sorry. He's shorter. --(What Wild Oscar was pointing out was that if you used “from”, the normal accompanying conjunctive for the next element is “to” not “at”. Are you telling me that the phrase, “from one at another” is correct as long as the other is shorter? That doesn’t make any sense.)--

Miss Kampasi: 'Kiki murmured to herself as she scanned the ground for Black CohoshShe already had quite a bit of Calendula in her basket but needed some other herbs for the woman’s remedy.'Miss Kampasi: Again, my first chapter. I dare you to find something like that in any of the other ones. --(There are actually worse ones.)--

Miss Kampasi: 'She skid to a stop due to hitting a large tree root and dropped the basket with a loud “Oof!”.'Well, skidded sounds stupid, don't you agree? Now who else sounds stupid around here... Probably the person flaming my first chapter! --(No, I don’t agree. You are the one who’s stupid for not knowing how to use proper tenses and relegating grammar in a position that is below what you consider as “coolness”. Oh, you didn’t see that coming? A thousand apologies.)--

Miss Kampasi: 'the wind worriedly flung her hair and cloths' Miss Kampasi: Did you even READ the rest of this story? She has a control over the elements! Jeez, you're a moron. So what if the wind is alive for her? --(Well, it seems as if you’re the real moron here because prior to that description, you have never mentioned that the wind is an animated entity capable of such trite feelings.)--

Miss Kampasi: ‘but turned smug when he saw how much pain you were in.’Miss Kampasi: Yes, Kiki is that close to him. And I'm used to writing stories that make the reader into the character, so excuse my mistake. Again, the only time I've ever made it. --(Whatever you say. You never run out of excuses for yourself. I just think this is contradictory to your claims about nitpicking your own story.)--

Miss Kampasi: ‘and it apparently hasn’t been to long if you’re still here…’No, I do have a problem with 'to' and 'too'. I can't argue with that. I've always had an issue with those and that was a just flame. --(It’s true then! If you’re having trouble with such a simple thing, then that corroborates my theory that you were just bluffing in your comment here.)--

Miss Kampasi:

Miss Kampasi: Well, he could file them or such --(Such? You mean suck. Maybe retract is a better choice, no?)-- them back into his hand. And, again, this was my first chapter. I wanted it to look cool. --(Of course, being cool is a capital virtue for twerps like you.)--

Miss Kampasi: ‘his nose switched as he lifted it to sniff.’

Miss Kampasi: I meant twitched. *sigh* I've been meaning to redo this chapter, but it's just such a pain on this site. I never thought somebody would pick it to pieces. And was it necessary to use swears? Did I insult one of your friends? I only use swears when my friends are involved. --(Apparently, Wild Oscar finds that your writing warrants the use of EXPLETIVES. Not swears. It’s a verb. Maybe curses but NOT SWEARS. By the way, you practically sent me an R.S.V.P. by proclaiming that you can flame my works without being yelled at. I'm not yelling though. There are too many points of grotesquery in your story for such crude actions.)--

Miss Kampasi: Kiki snapped, letting her thoughts drift dreamily.Miss Kampasi: I can give off the idea of being annoyed while still thinking about something else, right? I had no idea there was a law against it. Sorry. ^__^ --(Where is my light pen? Aah…there you are. There’s no law against stupidity and I always thought that that was a tragedy. I tried to illustrate it but it still looked stupid. To snap often denotes the sudden reaction of someone to a stimulus and for her to drift off dreamily at the same time just portrays the questionable states of mind of you and your character.)--

Wild Oscar: Generalization: I Jesus Fucking Christ swear that the way you string your words together would hurt anybody’s ear or make one ashamed FOR you. You know what? I suggest you block me from reviewing you; I’d murder your fic till you accept that you don’t know elementary grammar and that you are a die-hard wannabe who wants to sound poetic. You are the kind who would define a window like this: An orifice in an edifice for the admission of the invisible mixture of atmospheric substance and of radiant energy perceptible to light.

Miss Kampasi: Please tell that to the teachers who put me in high honors English, of which you need to take a test, write and --(an?)-- essay, and have frequently good English grades through grade school. I won't block you from my fic, because you flamed the first chapter. ^__^ Feel free to go to the 39th one and try to insult me. I'll just tear your lies into pieces.

BYLT: Why would someone like me (or probably Wild Oscar who seems audacious and knowledgeable enough, save for a few understandable typos) who invariably gets stellar marks in English (without even really trying, mind you) care if you are in the High Honors English? If you’re this bad, I shudder to think of the extent of idiocy of those who are in the normal level. Are they like…sub-human? Gerbils? Flagellates? Anyway, it’s just rudimentary grammar, usually objective stuff. It won’t help you in constructing clear and concise sentences all the time. And it certainly wouldn’t help you in creative writing if you don’t remember your book reports. The strange thing is that you’re still having problems with grammar. Anyway, if you will really write a novel, you might want to do away with your repetitive descriptions. Read a good book and you’ll realize what I’m talking about. Don’t tell me that “IT’S MY STYLE” because it’s not so much a style as it is a convoluted morass of stale ideas being disguised as a story. By the way, what’s the last book you’ve read besides Harry Potter? You really sound so much like that old cow from the past that used to write Harry Potter fiction.
And you know what? I did go through your 39th chapter. It turns out you’re the one who is doing the lying. It’s still peppered with mistakes. You are so ambitious in your writing that you invent words and figures of speech to sound lyrical and poetic but always fall rather short off the mark. The only thing keeping you together is your false pride and delusions of talent. You will never admit your mistakes even when they’re glaring at you. The indication of a true loser!

Here it is Miss Kampasi’s 39th Chapter:

Against Your Will
“Miroku! Miroku, please wake up!” Sango pleaded quietly to the monk’s limp body. She put a shaky hand to his neck and discovered a weak pulse. The discovery almost pushed her into tears again, but she refused to waste more time crying.
Miroku let out a low groan and his head shifted in her laugh --(Laugh? Or is it lap? How careless!)--. Sango could not mask the joy that exploded --(That must have hurt. You know…the explosion of joy on her face? Was it loud? This sentence also makes hardly any sense. Try this: Sango could not hide the joy she felt upon seeing him move.)-- on her face that he was still moving. She had seen what happens to some people who are hurt badly, put into a never waking sleep --(Or clearer still: She had seen badly hurt people go into never ending sleep.)--. With the joy came an endless river of relief that she had not lost him --(Golly, this is one ugly sentence. Even if I say the following mockery of your creation, it would still be more lyrical: Her relief at the knowledge that he was still alive flowed through her heart like a river with a powerful current.)--. His eyes flickered open, eyelids still heavy as he saw her teary eyes and joyous expression. A gentle smile spread across his own.
“You should watch your back,” he croaked weakly, closing his eyes again, as if it was too much energy --(What?! Too much energy for what? Perhaps you meant: “he croaked weakly and his eyes closed again, as if the deed had consumed too much of his energy.”)--. Sango managed a half-hearted laugh, and almost felt like kissing him.
“Idjit --(Idiot – but I’d consider this as a typo. You can't even spell the name of your own tribe.)--. I would have been fine if it had hit me.” Sango mock-snapped, covering her eyes with a hand to hide tears that she could stop from flowing. Her voice had obvious strain when she spoke again. “I would have been fine, but you could have died.”
Miroku lifted his hand and pulled her’s --(Her’s now, is it? Did you know that “hers” is already in its possessive form so you need not put an apostrophe there?)-- down from her face. He looked surprised at her tears. “You’re crying for me.” Sango gave him a look that said, “Of course I am you idiot!”. Miroku almost laughed, but kept speaking. “Sango, despite what you may believe, I hold nothing against you from before. What happened will never stop me from wanting to protect you.”
“M-miroku…” she managed, tears still flowing heavily. “I l-lo…” she stopped, feeling something on her bottom. With a deep, unfulfilled rage she bopped him on the head. She could not completely disguise a small bit of relief in her voice. “This is hardly the time!”
As Miroku chuckled innocently, Inuyasha was still dodging bolts of lighting from Kiki’s sword. Only now she had stopped aiming at his feet, and his dodges were much more animated. Naraku’s concentration was broken for a moment as he unclenched his hand and looked at the jewel. In pure agitation --(Comma here.)-- his --(Isn’t it supposed to be “he” instead of “his”?)-- discovered that it had begun to purify, and shot a glare at Miroku and Sango. “Damned humans.” He muttered.
“Kiki, stop it!” Inuyasha yelled for about the fiftieth time, again in vain. The girl only tried harder to hit him.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Kill him.
“NO! I don’t want to!” Kiki snarled to the light that surrounded her. Somewhere in her mind she dimly realized that she somewhat preferred it to the usual darkness, but had buried the thought in mountains of rage. (Mountains of rage and hills of laughter! Ha ha ha! Corny!)
Feed this body your fury.
“Let me OUT!” she howled, raising her hands and shooting bolts of electricity everywhere. The bolts scattered, and with a dim realization of what she had just done, she began to get a headache. More infuriated than ever, she gathered a wind under her and shot herself into the air, expertly maneuvering herself through the white mist with an ease she had never had. Long ago, she had tried to do the same thing but had failed miserabley --(Another typo but I won’t insult you on this unless you really think this is the right spelling.)-- and vowed not --(to)-- try again unless she was certain of her powers. While in her mind it seemed she had uncovered many secrets to her power, some which she found surprising. She had created bolts of lightning where she had only created small shocks beforehand. It was somewhat --(You love the word, “somewhat”, don’t you?)-- invigorating.
An image flickered ahead that made her stomach churn. Inuyasha was dodging lightning. Lightning. She desperately wished she could see what was going on. “Inuyasha!” she pleaded to the light. “Don’t hurt him!”
Another image of him dodging --(Do you know how to use a gerund? If you don’t, I’ll just laugh because if you’re in the English Honors Class that you have bragged about, it must be a deplorable program. Or you're just slow.)-- flickered ahead and she roared in irritation. “NO! DON’T HURT HIM!” Her eyes overflowed with tears and she stared at the endless mist, knowing she was getting nowhere.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The bolts paused for a moment, giving Inuyasha a moment to catch his breath. Kiki raised a sword to use her hand and rub her forehead --(What horrible syntax! Look at how easy it is: Kiki raised a hand that was holding a sword to rub at her forehead.)--. An emotion of annoyance and a slight, aching pain broke through her barrier and scattered on her face --(What barrier? This sentence is so difficult to understand and I’m sure I have no problems about comprehension. Is my supposition correct? Something broke through her barrier that caused her pain and annoyance started to show on her face.)--. Suddenly she was back to normal and let her sword drop back into position.
Inuyasha stared in surprise. Had she just acted like she was getting a headache? At this sudden breakthrough --(comma)-- he jumped to reach her. “Kiki, you don’t want to do this!” She stared at him and then tears welled up in an unmoving face. They --(Hey, you forgot your linking verb!)-- rolling down her cheeks and she blinked them away, rearranging her swords so that one hand grasped both, and touching her wet face --(What’s touching her wet face? Her other hand OR the one holding both swords? Is this correct? “Tears were rolling down her face and she tried to blink them away. Placing both swords into one hand, she touched her face with the free one.)--. Like the drone she was, she was then inclined to stare at her wet hand blankly. --(Try this: "…she was then compelled to examine her wet hand." Blankly just overstates her being a drone.)--
“She has... control?” Naraku found himself muttering in disbelief. He shot a look at Inuyasha, who had obviously heard --(what he said. You have problems using transitive verbs, don’t you?)--. His eyes were wide with excitement.
“Kiki, you have control! You can shut him out! You don’t want to attack me!” Inuyasha shouted, saying anything encouraging that popped into his head.
“She does! Kill him!” Naraku snarled in objection.
“No…” Kiki breathed, so quiet that even Inuyasha hadn’t heard her.
“Kiki, push him away! It’s your body!” Inuyasha firmly continued. “You can stop doing this!”
“She listens only to me!” Naraku insisted, holding out the hand with the sacred jewel, clenching it so hard his knuckles were white. He pointed the hand at Kiki. “Kill him!”
Her body pulsed at this command and her eyelids drooped slightly. Then she was at full attention, shifting her swords back so that each hand held one. She then closed her eyes to collect herself and opened them slowly after a moment. Eyes that had once been violet were now so dark (Place "that" or a comma here.) they were almost black. She crossed her swords in front of her and then flew straight at Inuyasha. He met sword with claw and tried to push her back, his face twisting in disappointment and anger.
“Kiki! You have control!” her growled to her directly. ("...growled at her" would be enough.) “You have control!” (This sounds like caveman English.)
Her eyes slitted --(There you go again. Inventing words. In front of my friends. “Narrowed” would do.)-- slightly, and as she pushed him back with all her might she hissed a greatly discouraging thing straight to him (Again: "...she hissed something that was strangely discouraging at him while looking at him in the eye."), staring directly into his eyes.
Perish!”

Please be advised that next time, flame me only if you are in a position to do so. That is, if you’ve become better at grammar and composition. You have thousands of light years to go. Oh yeah, I noticed to that you are inconsistent with the words following the dialogue of a character. Sometimes, you end said dialogue with a comma and start the word (i.e. he said) with a small letter and then the next, you end the dialogue with a period and start the next word with a capital. Make up your mind! (If you have one.) And did you know that you can make dialogues without saying again and again who spoke.

Have a nice day!

PS I felt so sorry for you when I found out that on the day you were born, your god decided to scrimp on brains and talent but was overly generous with arrogance.

Have I Flamed You Lately?

2005-08-06T09:39:00.000-06:00

Great news, my awesome peers. My past has finally caught up with me. So schlau.

To start with, who are the miscreants who thought that the first part of the preceding post came from me? Ah...well, I'm no Sherlock Holmes but it's easy enough to see that some people are just dying to get their hands on me.

Celestial Maiden and Mikey, since you two were there almost right after I started indulging in this hobby, how many times have I explained that the stories in my FFN profile are parodies? The flamees are always too eager to jump into the booby trap. They try to use my parodies as bases for my writing talent, which, by the way exists and is at large - just not in the place where the burned could find and desecrate by their poor reading skills. As you can plainly see, these people have missed the following phrase:

lil babiiz says but forgets to address me:

When Kampasi said:

I am writing a proper story, with proper GRAMMAR. I like to nitpick at my stories and go through them for a while in the edit/preview section so it's not a stinking load of incomprehensible crap. Yes, I did just use a big word. And I'm using CAPITALS, COMMAS, and SPACES. This means I can flame the living day-lights out of you and not get yelled at, right? Well isn't that a nice perk to being a little obsessive!

I stabbed myself with that before you could. But hey, at least I care about the quality of my work and it's appearance. *cough* And you...?

This is an idiotic blog. You complain your ass off at people who are just taking sweet revenge. Yes, it is a tasty dish. Let us cherish the almighty word.

Sarcasm is just another free service I offer.

-- end of her message

Who turned on the laughing gas? I'm this close to farting here. Everyone, you can check this lass' plagiarization of MY reviews, which she happily posted on MY story review board. How absurd an action it was! Was that supposed to hurt me? It's just amusing that she revealed that she couldn't make her own flames. Capital!

By the way, revenge isn't tasty. It's a dish best served cold according to that Klingon proverb. Also if it's an idiotic blog, I wonder why you're emulating me.

It's funny because if you examine her message, you would see a couple of grammatical errors. Even the usage of the possessive pronoun 'its' and the abbreviated form of 'it is' eludes her and yet, she implies that she is better than I am in English. Did you think I was 'lil babiiz'? That's the idiot fan of Melanie Sanzo whom I will ignore until she finds something besides artless execrations of my character to say! There's also this thing about her use of an exclamation mark instead of the more appropriate question mark.

But the most appalling of all these tidbits contained in her message is her offer for sarcasm! If she knew sarcasm, then she could have easily figured out that the stories in my profile ARE parodies. So we come back to that again. Did you know that the 13-year old MistressKC understood that I was making gag stories? Maybe that says something about the intellect of Miss Kampasi.

I flame and I flame and I flame, then I make a story highly similar to the ones that I flame and then, I say that I don't want to be flamed. Sarcasm couldn't have been more obvious if it licked you in the face and put a butt plug on you.

But let's take this inference: I assume that you (Miss Kampasi) thought that I was lil babiiz. Upon seeing the very obvious fact that the message can only come from someone categorized under the Severely Retarded class, you jumped right in with amazing celerity (once you figured out you have an opening) to flaunt your superiority. But you couldn't even read right so how could I even recognize your skills at writing, much less recognize you as someone above me?

Here's her FFN profile that she shares with someone insignificant. Folks, read it and be boggled as to how she could breezily talk about her writing prowess when she (1) misspells simple words such as 'referring', (2) doesn't know how to use the adverb 'too', (3) thinks "incomprehensible" is a big word when its root word is something I use nearly everyday, (4) couldn't tell possessive pronouns apart from abbreviations and (5) is having troubles with the consistency of her tenses. I took a peek at her story. It was a Mary Sue in the world of Inuyasha and it was mediocre at best, its only saving grace perhaps being its breadth. A breadth of painful composition lengthened by scenes such as the following:
Kiki sat on the cold, hard ground for another hour as the wind worriedly flung her hair and cloths from side to side. With a sigh of defeat, she slowly and calmly lifted herself from the ground and onto the tree root, allowing her leg to hang limply in the air.

You, Miss Kampasi, use too many adverbs and sometimes they're even inappropriate in the context that you use them in. I suppose you've heard of Stephen King saying the same thing about adverbs with JK Rowling. If not, there's a book called "The Writer's Block" by Jason Rekulak and one of the many points it stresses is to avoid the unnecessary use of adverbs. You've mentioned that you nitpick your own work. Well then, that just means you don't recognize some of your mistakes. You're ignorant and yet you have the audacity to come to this supremely exulted blog to parade your meager knowledge.

Miss Kampasi's writing is like Britney Spears' or Ashlee/Ashley Simpson's songs. These things make me relish the idea of being in a world without them.

As for your friend Serendipity-someone that I flamed, it was a horrible Mary Sue fan fiction in an anime from a shounen-ai genre. And she doesn't read well either, judging from what she wrote as a reply to my last post. And your mutual friend Sakura Someone called me a "total butt" so I came back with "doss little cunt". I was feeling a wee bit Scottish that day.

------

You do realize what the lesson for the day is, don't you? People who can't read well, can't write well either. The same goes for people whose literary diet is mainly composed of Mary Sue fanfictions.

PS Who has heard of kimono pants and shirt? Miss Kampasi mentioned it in her dreadful story which was obviously conceived by a misinformed/poorly informed body. I know there are things such as a gi and a hakama though.

Look what the cat dragged in

2005-07-28T13:10:00.000-06:00

lil babiiz says but forgets to address me:

Well sorry for making a mistake in my grammer and so fucking sorry for my horrid spelling.I've read all your lame fucking weird stories, its SUCKS! and don't give me shit about my spellings and grammer.Whats the deal about melaniesanzo getting positive reviews?

You know your story 'For What It Takes' i agree with
'I Think You Know'You're such a sad LOSER! with no fucking life, FUCKING BALDDIE!

You're so fucking LAMe that you have to flame authors saying they suck and all that bullshit when you yourself can't even writing a proper story?

You must be one of those people who think they're hot and everyday loves them, thinking 'they're all that' when in reality everybody fucking hates you, get a fucking life instead of sitting down on you're fat HAIRY ASS and flaming people all day long.

Do you have some fucking problem in you're fucking head? Im sure you do!You fucking retard!
You can call yor friend a dumbass if you want too, if you even have any, nobody wants to be your fucking friend cause you're just a fatass loser who flames people all day.Even if you do have friends they all hate you, behind you're back they're all bitching about how low and how sorry they feel for you.

You're so stupid the word LOSEr with a capital L can't describe you. you're such a fatass, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.

Stop flaming people for no fucking reason cause you're such a saddo.My advice:

GET A FUCKING LIFE IF YOU CAN GET ONE!

FUCK-TART LOSER!

--end of message

Shit, I replied but that's kind of overkill 'cos if one would look at what she wrote, ahaha, it was she who made the biggest insult to herself. But anyway, since I already made it, here's my reply.

Dear stupid lil babiiz, you really don't want to get in that kind of tussle with me. I could send you a picture right now of myhotself and my friends and you'd just drop your jaw and be anorexic and bulimic for the rest of your miserable life. You'd end up looking like Allegra Versace, yo. But then of course, right now, you probably look a lot like Man Faye.
And yes, people love me. I just don't think it. I'm capable of decency too but you're too lowly for that.
I feel so much hatred from you. The nonexistent midi-chlorians in your system have - wait, those are not midi-chlorians! If I am not mistaken, those are particles that indicate the presence of a disease called Imbecilius Insipiencia. Yes, yes, I believe it is the one proof that scientists have been searching for years but they've never happened upon so great a concentration that I see now in you. Unfortunately, this disease is something that a carrier will always deny. You see, idiocy is not always that awful but coupled with STUBBORNESS, then you get a sticky situation. I already told you that it's NOT GRAMMER. Maybe you're the fat one because you can't get it through your fat head that it's spelled GRAMMAR.
Actually, I give people compliments and I give those exclusively to non-idiots and human beings with the right pairs of chromosomes. That places you out of the picture. With that kind of response, I'd say you have this set: X-MY-DAD-MARRIED-HIS-SISTER-AND-IMPREGNATED-HIS-FATHER-XXX.
If you're going to base my writing skills on the admittedly lame stories I posted here in FFN, then I'm sorry to tell you that those are really gag stories used to bait Teletubbies-watching dummies like you. My real ones are hanging around in a place where no one can steal it. Copyrighted and all that.
See, I insulted you squarely and I didn't even have to use that 4-letter word that begins with F and rhymes with Puck.

Melanie Sanzo and Her Band of Hooligans

2005-07-28T04:54:00.000-06:00

I'm still pretty busy. I've flamed this girl called Melanie Sanzo who has an ugly fic (so what else is new?). What's interesting about this case is that she has defenders who are possibly dumber than her.

Just wrote this so we could have a stage if and when they decide to raid my blog.

Made a new pal in Luna Hoshino (welcome to the club of th disillusioned! Most of the time we're really obnoxious 'cos we do try to hit where it hurts. Right caffeine-addict?) who was good enough to give the stupid girl some pointers, which the stupid girl called Melanie Sanzo had taken offense to. It was a sound constructive criticism and yet she posted this:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2452833/9/

Hi goes to y'all. Celestial Maiden, Mikey, caffeine-addict, Nightstrider and Pollux.

PS Have read HP6 and even though it's embarrassing to admit, I secured the copy around 8 am in the morning of the release. But I'm never going to be a part of those robe-wearing, forum-stalking and scar-drawing schmucks out there. I have some dignity. It was likeable enough though. It tied the whole series together pretty well.

To All the people in The World Who Looooove Kanon A

2005-07-07T06:18:00.000-06:00

I profusely apologize to the people who visit this blog from time to time and consequently get no response whatsoever from me. Even to Kanon A who, I think, is continuously lurking in this blog simply because she can’t get over the fact that we think her opinions are bonkers and her fics are, just that, trash. Hence, my flame. I still am swift to my claim that she is overrating herself, and I’m not saying this out of mere spite or because she can’t stand others correcting her but also because she doesn’t know how to be consistent on her tenses. Her fic ‘Chapters’ should be enough evidence. Another thing is her overbearing reply when I questioned her about this ‘acquiesce with my curiosity’ thing. I still think, in fact we all think, that that’s a failed attempt to sound like she has a vocabulary larger than Mr. Webster. I positively won’t say any of the kind if people like Night Strider or us, in general, are around. I can’t be lacking in judgment when I say that ‘acquiesce’ there is used in the wrong context; unfortunately, she was too haughty to admit the silly faux pas she committed and in turn questioned my knowledge of the language. Me, of all people and English, of all languages. I thought I already made clear that I’m a Montrealean, a Canadian; how can I be as stupid as not to know how to use my own language for Pete’s sake? And she, a 16-year-old grammatically handicapped Filipino, better than me? Sweet Jesus.

I’ve been too busy lately, what with all these blood-bound obligations. In any event, I shall drop comments regularly or irregularly, as long as there’s an issue to talk about.

My regards to caffeine-addict, Mike, Celestial Maiden, Pollux, Ivy and Night Strider. Pao, you’re alive!

Chelating Compounds, why are you not replying to my e-mails?

And I don’t give double shits about the fucking Olympics either. If London gets the 2012 then screw Tony Blair and the whole Parliament. I’m all rooting for New York if ever.

ATTENTION: CHELATING COMPOUNDS

2005-04-29T23:18:00.000-06:00

I've been e-mailing Chelating Compounds, asking her to visit my humble abode, but I'm not getting any replies. I wonder why. Ascared? Rendered speechless with my shining beauty?
Caffeine, ditto on what you said about KanonA's stories. I'm not even trying to be offensive here. After I followed more closely the war you guys waged, one just has to wonder why she's siding with the moron called Chelating Compounds. It led me to think that she might just want to side with the underdog so between the two of them, there'd be enough attention to go around. I also wonder why I could no longer see that post in LJ that someone pointed me towards. She admitted she was a hypocrite and an idiot but I think she never admitted that very important thing that would explain all the things she did. She's green with envy. The same goes for Chelating Compounds. But anyway, I really think KanonA's forgettable and the only things of interest about her are (1) she sounds so much like the Anonymous poster and (2) she's the only one I know who had corresponded with the delirious and dumb, attention whore Chelating Compounds. Stuff that are good for speculation.
My point is why hasn't Chelating shown up here? Is she trying to get rid of her histrionic behavior? Or does she want to prove us wrong that she's an attention whore?

Chelating Compounds, we just want some of your goddamn affection, er attention.

As for me, my curiosity burns so bright that I'm inclined to present a condition. I'll let her speak first, and for that time, I'll try to suppress all my preconceptions. If there's a misunderstanding that you want to clarify, try to be civil about it. Come on people, from her standpoint caused by the inconsistency and the crudeness of her remarks and actions, even the best MENSA member couldn't argue his way out of it without admitting that he was being a jerk.

Hey, niceness is very difficult for me. I'm an intelligent beautiful ass 99% of the time so don't expect more of this.

The floor is yours CC.

Caffeine-addict yo!

2005-04-29T07:34:00.000-06:00

I guess the answer to your questions, which I suppose are rhetorical so it makes me a dumb person if I answer them but in any case, I discovered a likely but not stated truth.

The favoritism (that which has manifested by the solidarity of our community of grace and intelligence) is caused - if I can claim to be in that circle of heavenly intellectuals - by our good looks. It's so simple. Now I know why these people are dying to piss me/us off. If they can't gain our attention with talent and sagacity, then they must appeal to our innate sense of beauty by perversion/desecration of that which we like.

Flooding me own blog. My apologies, me hearties.

To Paopao & anyone who's interested

2005-04-28T10:27:00.000-06:00

Still spreading the love.

I thought about some things and I would just like to clarify again where I stand. Maybe dumb people shouldn't be granted freedom of speech. They have inferior genes and so if they talk, another stupid person might be drawn to him/her, then they'd create a cult and spawn mindlessly. Never said I was humanitarian, 'right?

Or maybe we could come to a compromise. Those mentally challenged should choose between Freedom of speech and castration/death sentence so they don't pass on their stupid dominant alleles or their behavior which is the foundation of their children's. My ideals lean towards the utilitarian side of things so I think like this. But I dunno, with all that shit going on with China and their really huge textile industry, cheap labor which affects European workers - maybe it's best if dumb people are prohibited to speak and made to do manual labor. I'm not saying Chinese are dumb 'cos I'm just stating a point regarding manual labor but what I mean is that dumb people from all races should be picked out (and sent to dumb camps) because they're a verifiable source of chaos and waste.

But of course the dumb and beautiful should be kept as pets. They can reproduce if and only if, as soon as the child is born, IT must be sent to anti-dumb institutions in order to propagate the newer generation - now the intelligent and the beautiful - which, in the end will kill the dumb and the ugly (no matter how smart he or she is) alike.

Maybe you all know what I'm alluding to but you're free to interpret this however you like.

Hey, I e-mailed Chelating Compounds and I can't seem to grasp the reason of her elusiveness. We can all be friends here after we tear each other apart...

Not.

It's just surprising how one so righteous would pass over this as we "slander" her.

Note of Appreciation

2005-04-26T20:02:00.000-06:00

I don't know how else I can effectively argue my ass out of this (not that I'm itching to get said ass off this) without being redundant. That is so because of caffeine-addict and IvyblueSummers who have made their stands so beautifully. See comments on the entry before this.
Thanks also to celestial maiden and moronic mikey who have defended this unworthy person. I suppose our e-mail correspondence has made you understand my/our motives better.
Is it only me or is anyone else going to hurl if he/she hears another rhetorical question? I'm just kidding. It has been a great experience and never have I imagined how much I'd enjoy it when friends and (insert something you admit you are here) flood my comments page. To tell the truth, I'm not the one who was primarily involved here but I had to intervene because Chelating Compounds was cramping my style. No, I'm still kidding. Idiots who say one thing and then another relative to the person who might be viewing the statements annoy me. Textbook definition: Chelating Compounds
I didn't know that our collective disgust for our friend would bring parasitic Anonymous back from the fetid humus where he/she came from. Given the circumstances, there are things that I was led to believe and unless, someone gives a sound argument to contradict it, there'd be no changing of opinions happening here. Right, caffeine?
In summary, which I gather has already been stated by IvyblueSummers so I risk becoming redundant but I feel it has to be placed in this page, people like Chelating Compounds and KanonA are inconsistent dingbats. Therefore, arguing with them is a waste of time. But what a fun time it is, isn't it? Although I must admit KanonA is forgettable. She knows this too because she had to post all her comments twice. Hahaha!
Anyway, there's something that must be said for my intellectuality. I'm not going to deny it. I'm an arrogant intellectual. Period. Don't challenge it or make sarcastic remarks about it because you'll only wind up embarrassing yourself. Also the people I'm with are indeed intellectuals. I'm not the best them. However, the contest for the most obnoxious is still ongoing between me and caffeine-addict. Hahaha!
Assuming that KanonA is indeed not Anonymous, then where oh where could he or she be? Hey, baby, you're in the limelight now so why don't you come out? Maybe you look like a naked molerat who has been molesting parthenogenic snakes. Is it because you aready did? But if there's anything of note that you did, you just made us prouder of ourselves.

The Feeble-minded and their Champion

2005-04-21T19:11:00.000-06:00

To those anonymous people here that do not know me:
What makes you think I'm not doing this for my amusement?

To the first one who said:
so here's the blog of the not so infamous poseur bet you love that.

it's dorian ghey. for someone who thinks highly of themself, you're a real loser. a blog dedicated for flaming? get a life you wannabe.

I'd like to inform you that the infamous real Dorian Ghey who's not as infamous as I am is laughing like a hyena. We've been interacting lately and he's not so dumb to give me such inane comments and use a non-existent word, themself. Miss Stupid, my hide is thick enough to deflect remarks like losers without a life. I have one actually (and I've already said this) but I don't think it's challenging or entertaining enough because my narcissistic nature will only be too obvious if I start annoying the real people around me. And we don't want that. I still need a new TV with progressive scanning in my room. I'm a fucking spoiled brat and life is too easy so I find myself with more time than I could use. My PC life is not entirely better than my real one but the former is far more interesting. Got that?

And to the valiant champion who comes riding in with her shiny armor and humanitarian words:

I'll cut to the chase, all right? KanonA, what the hell is your problem? Don't answer that. I know. I'm amazed that you have the audacity to tell me:

perhaps if you spent more time trying to improve your writing and less time lambasting those that may have a different opinion than you.

I'm not the one who writes like all I've read is fanfiction and Mitch Albom, du null. I read a lot of things to improve my writing and strengthen my intellect even if it's not that obvious. It's just that if it comes from a writer in a mediocre level such as yourself, the advice seems misplaced. Believe it or not, flaming is a pretty decent effort in making a study of teenage intelligence.
It's so stupid that it embarrasses me to explain it. First, I didn't immediately assume that Chelating Compunds is Sey Lee. That was suggested by the great purporter of caffeine addiction. Whatever his reasons are, I'll respect that but I thought Chelating Compounds was you, actually. You've got the same idiotic way of defending yourselves.
I'll break it down.
One writes a fic that is by many standards, far better than the ones around in FFN. Someone else flames it. The writer retaliates. And then you tell the writer that she's a spoilsport for doing so. Do you watch tennis? You get tired of long rallies? I love those things.
Don't you see the point of this blog? I flame and I love it when flamees retaliate. This is the place for testing ballistics. A free for all. I'm not going to tell them to shut up the way you do. Actually, there have been wise ones who said that they'll improve, which is great. And there are dumb ones who flame because their friend got burned. Now, I love flaming because it's amusing to see how people react to a negative stimulus.
You're telling me to stop being hostile. You are being attacked for your inconsistency. Simple as that. You weren't expressing a difference of opinion. You were trying to get a rise from the people you are clearly envious of to lure them into a trap. A trap that might be effective as long as it was set up by someone with a higher intellect. Unfortunately for you. As for the anonymity, I don't think that what you said is the real reason. You wanna hear what it is? You're afraid that these writers would write you off as another wannabe, which you're proving that you are and out of spite, they'd rip your fics apart. You're scared that if they do, you'll be put to shame because they're better writers than you. Chelating is a nice, empty front. No one can throw insults at your creations because they don't exist. Right-o?
The points that I'm driving at are:
1) You're a mediocre writer with no original ideas and you know it
2) You are so green with envy that you had to resort to drastic measures to get a shot in the limelight
3) That these two writers will only listen to accurate advice or ones that have been made by good writers
4) You might be slightly better than the ones that I and the others flame but you still have a long way to go before I regard you as an authority. That's a standard.
5) I'm a notorious fucker who makes lots of assumptions

You tell me stuff about how I slander people. Huff. Gawwd. I get tired of people addicted to their own brand of blind righteousness who says, "Attack the writer's work but not the writer."
Don't you get it? A writer writes what he does because of what he is. Notwithstanding his imagination, it's himself that he puts in his work. If it sucks, then he must have poured shit in it and you can't blame the work for that. It won't exist without the writer.
Perfect case in point: Anne Rice
You say you're tired of flame wars. Then why the fuck did you have to go here of all places? You're like the vegetarian who goes out of his way to hang around in the town's bloodiest abattoir to tell its workers that animal slaughter is unacceptable.
Or maybe you just want a slice of the veal, eh?
I don't have perfect grammar. Neither does caffeine-addict. No one does.
But there you go, swimming in your presumptions that I'm a miserable know-it-all. It must offer you a great deal of comfort in thinking that I'm nothing but a tub of lard with an extremely antisocial or more fittingly, narcissistic behavior that sits in front of the PC all day, terrorizing worms.
I won't stop you. One like you would need petty assurances that if nature made one better in writing than you, then it must follow that you must have a far more spectacular life than him. Your insecurities make you so restless that I am doomed to pity you, attention whore.

Intelligentsia

2005-04-17T18:55:00.000-06:00

To people who have further knowledge regarding that thing that I mailed you about, mail me.

And then I'll tell you why.

damn i need your attention!

2005-04-12T12:58:00.000-06:00

My dear friends,

Coffee maverick's fic is erased and the joy has ended. tsk tsk tsk. My last review is deliberately 'peppered' with grammatical errors for chelating compunds' eyes to feast on but unfortunately all is over. Anyway, watch out for my new fic which I will release some time this month. It will be a sequel to 'For What it Takes'. Hahaha! I need your help; Night Strider, Mikey, Celestial Maiden, and even Dorian Ghey who cursed me a few days back. We will dedicate it to chelating compounds.

Anyone who wants to help is free to put his suggestion here.

The Goddess of Hypocrisy and Grammatical Accuracy

2005-04-09T11:29:00.000-06:00

This is a message for chelating compounds for her flame to ivysummers because she's so fucking transparent:

WOW!!! Break my shackles Miss Chelating Compounds cos I'd like to praise your Godly skills in English! So, what you're doing is that you flame the works of the flamers. I'm giving you attention because you really really NEED it. I'm praising you because you might suffer a stroke if no one does. Ivy's story is 'peppered' with grammatical errors because in here, KOGURE IS TEACHING RUKAWA HOW TO SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH. You are one dumb hypocrite, I bet people who have read this fic and your review are laughing their asses off, Ivy's English is so difficult for you that you CAN'T even understand the story. Pathetic. Or do you consider her error about Japanese names a grammatical error? Maybe you should go back to third grade and learn more about logic. And you consider a single punctuation error enough to pepper the piece with grammatical errors? Maybe, you should ask your grandma to teach you how to count. Will you?

AND OH MY FUCKING GAY GOD, Rukawa said 'sorry'… the world should end, I say. Why don't you flame all the Yaoi, OC, Shounen-ai and non-yaoi fics and tell them to change the whole plot because believe me, the majority of the stories here contains Rukawa OOCness. Maybe we should watch out because the great editor chelating compounds aka flamer-of-the-flamers-cos-my-talent-is-itching-for-attention will surely accuse us of peppering our works with grammatical errors if ever we commit a single punctuation error and a couple of subject-verb/tense disagreement. AND TO IVYBLUESUMMERS, DORIAN GHEY, CAFFEINE ADDICT AND THE OTHERS; YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FLAME THE WORKS OF BUDDING AUTHORS BECAUSE CHELATING COMPOUNDS IS THE ONLY QUALIFIED FLAMER AROUND BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T COMMIT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. Isn’t that so right? Oh, don’t deny that you said that, miss; because you didn’t, actually. But you did make a point of making us feel that way, your Grammatical Highness.

‘How this egoism remind him of Mitsui!’, ‘Did somebody just whispered ‘crick’? Or was it ‘trick’? ---This 2 sentences are the only ones that contain grammatical errors in them. Does that mean that the fic is ‘peppered with grammatical errors’? How so?

Actually, a lot of coffee-maverick's reviewers are boiling their BLOOD OVER YOU, you might wanna check out what they say about you in 'The Ice Prince's World'.

Mikey

2005-02-06T02:10:00.000-07:00

Mike! Why can't I access your blog???

Anyway, I'm back after a loooong hiatus, and you are too.

I'm currently blaring with some iron69butterfly who has no sense of grammar and Spanish language. I mean, she cursed us flamers without even checking out if her translation was okay. It's such a shame!!!

Stupid iron69butterfly.

Missing people

2005-01-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

Mike, where the heck are you? I'm getting worried here.

I'm missing Danielle too. I was very nice to her in my last mail. I'm not being sarcastic.

I watched a rerun of South Park Season 2. It was brilliant. I don't know why they go on and on about broadway, operas and ballet shite when there's a jewel of a show filled to the brim with artistry, wisdom and values in our midst. Youth should not be deprived of the privilege of learning from Mr Mackey, Mr Garisson, Chef and the genius illiterate policeman of South Park, Officer Barbrady. It will change people's lives, perspectives and religion. What more can you ask for?

Officer Barbrady's words of wisdom:
My mother punched your mother in the nose.
What color of blood did come out?
Kenny: Blue.
Officer Barbrady: Blue is spelled B-L-O-O-O, Blue.

Remember kids, you can foget world history and all that crass Napoleon's stunts because we have South Park, m'kay?

pisser offer

2004-12-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

There are many things that I hate in life. For one, I hate stories that stink worse than crap. For another, I hate the arrogant authors of these stories that stink worse than crap.

But none pisses me off more than ungrounded accusations. There's a BarbaraChowChang who's impersonating Danielle Salazar Malfoy and is flaming other people. DSM after being e-mailed by the flamee, told the flamee that I am the one impersonating her. Tell me, with the harshness of my comments, should it even be necessary for me to impersonate another in order for me to not lose face?

And you bastard, I know that I know you because I've only been circulating the e-mail to my buddies. Can you please leave me out of this? This is like some stupid "Scream" movie. Corny and annoying.

Of course, I wouldn't put it past DSM's abilities to impersonate herself (paradox?) and try to make me look like the bad guy so I can be taught a lesson. I'm not accusing her though. I'm merely suggesting the possibility.

Am I the only meanie around here? I think not.

I think not at all. Hey Jojo/Dumb and Dumber! You're one helluva a meanie. Kudos to ya for saying what you think. We can play South Park and you can be Cartman and I'll be Kyle or I'll be Cartman and you'll be Mr. Garrison (without Mr Hat 'cos he's one murderous sonuvabiatch). Gawd, your reviews made me laugh especially that bit about lying after Christmas. Spread the love baby, spread the love.

And fuck you all who intend to tell me to fuck myself for encouraging this kind of behavior.

New e-mail

2004-12-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a short one.
My new e-mail is betyoulovethat @ gmail . com
Delete the spaces. If the 6 invites arrive, I want to know who's up for them.

This is just too good.

2004-12-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

Gawd, I wish I had thought of this one before.

Take a gander at these babies.

PCM, I'm sorry for having unwittingly drawn you into this. I mean if I were not masochistic, I would resent any association with the stupid person you're referring to. I do believe it was all a misunderstanding and you were never involved with the spat between me and the said stupid person. I'm really sorry for the contaminated review page. On the bright side, you could just laugh at the stupidity of it.

MistressKC, well, that's just funny. I really don't know what to say. Maybe I'll just fart from the hilarity of it all. You just said what you felt like saying, right? If you checked the link, you'll laugh and fart too.

C_M, I'll be e-mailing you soon. School's being what it usually is. An unnecessary evil.

Look what we have here...another fish.

2004-12-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

Danielle Salazar Malfoy's message that made my day:

u can't "pawn" a house, n is "friendless" a word?
the "peerless beauty" is kinda overboard, but it's ur fic...
but i sure wished i never read it...
i seldom flame but i'll make an exception for u...
GET A LIFE. GET A MIRROR. U MIGHT TAKE A LOOK THAT THAT QUAGMIRE U CALL A FACE N FAINT FROM SHOCK N DISGUST.
i looked at ur profile n nearly sprayed my moniter with coke. pot calling the kettle black... well at least it was entertaining. i suggest u put this fic under the humour category.

--End of message

Moniter? I forgot to add that. Damn. I realized that I have neglected some sentences that need correction like her use of the word 'of' in place of 'off.' Ah, well, next time. This imp of a girl decided to initiate a game of nitpicking and she's dumb enough to pick someone as, erm, how do I describe myself? Scoundrelly? Ahaha!

My Answer:

Well, well, look who's trying to insult me now. Someone who thinks that Harry Potter is a very challenging read. So you claim that 'friendless' is not a word, let's see, try to type that in a Word Processor and wait for the red line to appear beneath the word and please make sure that your language setting is not in German. Wait till your computer shuts down. I think I know what you're gonna say to that; 'get a life' or 'the word processor is not very reliable'. If you want another proof, turn to the F section of your dictionary. What fascinates me is that I've never touched your fic and you would throw in something like 'GET A LIFE. GET A MIRROR. U MIGHT TAKE A LOOK THAT THAT QUAGMIRE U CALL A FACE N FAINT FROM SHOCK N DISGUST'. You are so desperate to insult me. That's lame and weak. Just because you don't believe that a house can't be pawned and that the word 'friendless' does not exist, you'd tell me that? Oh brother. About the 'peerless beauty', Cervantes himself had used the phrase, I bet you didn't know that. If you disagree, feel free to mock the best Spanish writer of all time. Also, quagmire is more or less a fucked up predicament so your claim that my face is a predicament is just wrong. You should’ve said that my having this face is the predicament. Understand? If you don’t, bring a shotgun to your school and kill your English professor because he/she is certainly inept or you could just chalk it up to the fact that Rayearthann is a favorite author of yours. Another term is imbroglio, or you can say quandary too. I didn’t even look that up in the dictionary; I guess you don’t get to learn these words in mediocre writing style of JK Rowling in Harry Potter.

let me teach you a lesson that you missed in school,

“Harry! No, not Harry!” She uttered vehemently, emphatic. (emphasizing what? emphatic, emphatic, emphatic? what's so emphatic? the period?)

The overwhelming pain overcame him and he collapsed onto the floor, unable to neither lift his wand nor take his eyes of (off) the miraculous scene in front of him. (Note the use of double negatives, unable and neither.)

The boy was still enveloped in the brilliant light, but it was now emerald. (Emeralds are green so why do you have to use the conjunction 'but' that denotes contradiction between the two statements or clauses?)

The Dark Lord stared riveted, unable to tear his gaze from the hypnotic pull of the boy’s intense gaze. (are you with a thesaurus while writing this? Or are you just THAT addicted to adjectives which are somewhat useless in the story's progress? Look, 'hypnotic' implies that it's magnetic so you're being redundant by using pull. You are the most tautological writer I've ever come across and that says a lot. Do you know Cloudy-Skies 86?)

The boy glared at him, his fury boiling, causing the outer ring of his iris to turn a dark green, so dark it was nearly black. (after the first him, use semicolon. This is forced levity. You're trying too hard to describe what is utterly useless. I learned in my extensive writing subject that puny details should be left out to give way to the development of the story. This would get a Z if you have a nice professor. Okay, you try to sound intelligent and yet you could not avoid using such cheesy descriptions like the one after this sentence.)

He gently took the baby from the woman’s arms and lovingly kissed the baby boy’s forehead. Despite the brewing storm outside, the baby was surprisingly calm, bright emerald eyes gazed at the man. Reluctantly, the man handed the baby back to the woman. (I have a feeling that you dread using pronouns, instead of referring to the character as 'she' once in a while, you still resort to repeating 'woman woman woman...' and don't talk me out on the baby part. I bet you haven't read the original version or any version of the Iliad. Homer is so gonna kill you.)

“I will...I love you too...”she replied and with that, started running towards the master bedroom, where she had hidden the emergency portkey to the Headmaster’s office." (It's not 'with that' it's 'at that')

Suddenly, a loud rumble of thunder caused her to look out the window.Ominous dark clouds rolled from the West, the rumbling of thunder escalating. A fork of lightning flashing (Is the word 'flashing' really necessary?) caused Lily to cringe in abject terror as it illuminated a silhouette in the darkness. ('abject' is way out of the noun being described. Tell me, when can you say that 'terror' is at its worst? And illuminated a silhouette? Isn't a silhouette a shadow, dumby? If it's illuminated then it's no longer a silhouette) Lily stood rooted to the ground in torpor (Wow, how deep), clutching Harry to her as the shadow loomed closer. Her fear exacerbated (worsened, that's the word. Are you a masochist who inflicts on her readers the torment of checking the dictionary every after word? Or influencing them to use them in a wrong context like you do?)as she se stared timorously at the growing darkness, fighting the visceral need to run. (You are STRIVING to be poetic. This paragraph meant very simply enough. It means that the lightning rolled and along with it was a shadow who stalked towards Lily. Do you really think that highfalutin words like these could make it a form of art? Do you know what art is? It's a way of expressing what one wants to say and using words such as these is definitely not a part of it. You try too hard to impress your readers by using extremely alien words that are not even helpful in the story's flow. Visceral is not the word for it, why don't you take a second look at the dictionary?)

She was startled out of her ephemeral reverie by the sound of the doors crashing open. (ephemeral reverie? Where did that come from? It's either you don't know the meaning of ephemeral or you haven't heard of reverie. Don't tell me that Lily had been musing on day's end without letup. Check the dictionary again.)
She fell back on her survival instincts and fled. (fell back on her survival instincts? You could've just said that the need to survive seized her. Read: trying hard to sound like a great writer)
“Crucio!”
She vacillated. (Look, just because you already used 'writhed' which is more commonly used, you decided to again consult the dictionary for synonyms. Do you honestly think that 'vacillate' is a word that most Potter fans could relate to, let alone HP movie fans?)
“No! No! James!”
“Go...hurry...” the man moaned, writhing on the floor.
His attacker turned and glared at the woman, shifting his gaze to the baby. (Why not try this simpler and yet clearer statement; 'He turned, looked at the woman, until finally gazing at the baby)

“No! I won’t let you take him! Never!” she cried fiercely, shielding the baby. “Your intransigence astounds me.” He grinned, like a feral hunter eyeing his prey. “Get out of my
way, mudblood!” yelled the Dark Lord, “Avada Kedavra!” (I'm now starting to foster a feeling that your favorite book is the dictionary. Why not simply make use of the simpler term for 'intransigence' which is stubborness? Even obstinacy is fine. Feral is...I'll take a look at the dictionary next time, but then again I remember that it pertains to beastly nature and this hackneyed word prevalent in fanficdom is starting to make me sick. Why not say savage or snake-like eyes instead,? Cos it's more particular than saying feral; I believe Voldemort is more of a reptile than a mammal anyway. Your formatting sucks. You don't care about your readers even if they get confused with the characters' dialogue. I seriously hope it's FFN's faulty formatting that caused this.)

The woman immediately crumpled onto the floor, encompassed in an eerie green light, the baby still clutched to her chest protectively. (Eerie, huh? What's so eerie about the light of avada kedavra? Encompassed is not a hard word for me but since your target is potter readers I'm rather doubtful that they would understand it right away.

Another point; the last sentence rather implies that Harry is the one who protects his mom from the curse; think on that one. Are you telling me that Harry is as smart as Jimmy Neutron to react so sentimentally at the age of one. Hello?)

The Dark Lord advanced towards the baby, raising his wand menacingly, blood-shot eyes glittering in odium. The baby seemed to take in his surroundings for a moment, and tears welled up in his eyes at his mother’s unmoving form. (Wow, what in the bleeding hell is odium? The dictionary says that it is arrant detestation plus condemnation as a result of something blameworthy. Now what could've the baby done to the greatest dark wizard of all time? Why had he been so incriminated in the eye of Voldemort when no trespass has been made? It's all about the fucking prediction alright.)

“Mummy!” his piteous cry was answered by a long reticence. (Reticence? This word implies coolness. My point: so Lily was coolly enduring Avada Kedavra. You're only using these words to make your readers feel stupid due to their very limited vocabulary as compared to your infinitely knowledgeable source who happens to be Mr. Thesaurus. Look, there are differences between the synonyms of a certain word and not all of them can be appropriately used in a sentence. In other words, they are not as interchangeable as the letter Y and the letter Y, or the words yes and yeah.)

“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...born to those who thrice defied him...born as the seventh month dies...” he recited, frowning at the lack of information.

“What power?” he scoffed.The baby slowly squirmed out of his dead mother’s shield, tottering, his chubby cheeks wet with tears. (Squirmed and tottered. What an active little boy; I want to kiss him but I ain't a pedophile. You already have an action word in the first phrase so by using 'tottering' right after the said sentence, you have made an error in syntax.)

“Avada Kedavra!” A beam of bright green (beam is understandably bright, again you committed the fallacy of being repetitive) light shot towards the baby, straight towards his forehead. However, the green light started to dim rapidly upon contact with the baby’s forehead. The light split the skin on the baby’s forehead, leaving a gash the shape of a lightning bolt and then it seemed to dissolve into the gash. (Why not put it this way: The green light dimmed and split the boy's skin to leave a lightning shaped scar on his forehead. Easy does it.)
Suddenly, the Dark Lord felt a strong pull and he looked back at the baby. The baby was enveloped in a blinding white light, his emerald eyes glowing and the green light still continued flowing into the gash. The green light was coming from the Dark Lord’s wand and with each second that passed, the Dark Lord felt his power draining. (Quit using the word light again and again and again and again. You could've just referred to it as *drum rolls* 'it', as I have done.)
The overwhelming pain overcame (When a pain overcame someone, it is already understood that it's overwhelming; this is your 765902th redundancy) him and he collapsed onto the floor, unable to neither lift his wand nor take his eyes of the miraculous scene in front of him. (You know, this last phrase is a double negative. I'll be damned if you don't get this)

The Dark Lord felt his body leaving him, sort of precipitating. (Which one is precipitating? The body? You used this rather metaphysically; you know, precipitate is a scientific word. Simply put, not the pat word.) The baby was still glowing, his emerald eyes still riveted on him, as if he was willing him to disappear. (Willing him to disappear? What the hell does this mean? Perhaps it's meant as; inciting him to disappear) Using the remnants of his strength, the Dark Lord fled, not daring to look back at those glittering emerald eyes. (Remnants of his strength? You know what remnant is? It's residue and it means that it is palpable. Is power palpable? Remainder is more appropriate.)
Gradually, the boy, now eight, started to wake up, covered in a sheen of perspiration. (Sheen. Sheen is a gleam but in Tolkien's world, it's a shiny blade. Anyhow, please enlighten me about this sheen of perspiration thing.) He had been having the same nightmare ever since he was a baby. Glancing at the ancient grandfather clock in a corner of his bedroom, he quickly got out of bed and started getting dressed. His sensei (Fuck this japanese word. It makes me want to sing Glory of Love and watch Karate Kid) would not be pleased if he was late, even on his birthday. (What I don't understand is why you have to stuff so many absurdly useless, exhausting words when what you mean is very simple. You don't even know how to play with figures of speech and idioms and yet you bothered to use these words that are way beyond your meager comprehension. It would've been more forgivable if there's some philosophical meaning behind your words but, damn, you are one staggering writer who unwittingly packs outlandish terms just to show the world that you can make use of them. Do you honestly think that this kind of style hoists you to a higher level of literature? This is no more than an ABJECT form of literary decay. Also, if there's one thing worse than a writer who mangles a language in order to write self-inserts that are devoid of any plot whatsoever, it's the writer who, after gaining only the basic grasp of grammar, abuses the language in order to flaunt a skill that he/she obviously doesn't have. This sentence explains why I used the word abject, unlike you.)

Harry bounced on his feet, waiting for his sensei’s next move. Quickly he twisted his body sideways and flipped backwards to avoid tripping as his sensei’s leg swept the floor. (Don't tell me that I'm dumb; but i don't get this picture.) Regaining his balance, he started his attack, and soon there was a flurry of blows (Flurry of blows? Can a blow fluctuate? Maybe what youb mean is; there's an exchange of blows.) as he matched his sensei. A roundhouse kick...block...double jump front kick...front snap kick...upper hand block. The flurry of movement was hard to follow and soon both opponents moved apart and bowed. Standing silently at the door, Dominique applauded. Harry immediately turned and looked at him, his emerald eyes glittering. (Always glittering...It's such a wonder that while you spend most of the time dawdling with your beloved dictionary, you still failed to omit this redundancy.)

Dominique gazed back at Harry and smiled, a rare occurrence for the Mafia leader. (Rare occurrence? How can it be an occurence when it is intended? Occurrences are only compatible to instances that are not aided by human intentions.) He got his own ninth Dan black belt only when he was seventeen.

After the sensei left the room, Harry couldn’t restrain himself. Launching himself at Dominique, he grinned and asked “Where are we going today?”
The sensei also turned towards Dominique. “Dom, I believe young Harry here is ready for his ninth Dan black belt.”
“Who said we’re going anywhere?” Dominique asked, feinting ignorance.
“You promised that we’ll be skiing today, and need I remind you that incident when you broke your promise...” Harry trailed off tauntingly. (Trailed off and YET tauntingly? Why can't you try doing that and see if you can pull it up? Trailed off means that there is HESITATION. Now, how can you be reluctant and then mocking at the same time? Are you schizophrenic?)

“Okay, okay, I surrender.” Dominique immediately stopped acting, cringing at the vivid memory. (It's not merely acting; it's PLAY-ACTING.)
He remembered all the times when Harry had accidentally and sometimes on purpose used his powers. (Why not simply put it this way: when Harry used his powers).
He sighed, knowing that Harry was one year closer to his eleventh birthday and that he would have to send Harry to that school to learn magic. “What’s wrong, father?” asked Harry, noticing his father’s long period of silence.

Dominique knew that sooner or later, he would have to tell his foster-son the truth, but he couldn’t bear letting him go. His only son, heir to the Mafia throne, the only person that could make him laugh and forget everything else when he smiled at him. (The last sentence is a run on. Don't be a moron.)

“Nothing, Harry. Nothing at all.”

Bet You Love That says: Let me see your mafia knowledge. My prerequisite is for you to watch the whole Godfather series, the Untouchables, and Scarface, or you can also read John Grisham's The Firm. If this doesn't match them, you're screwed. I know you're gonna block me and I know very well that you're gonna say, 'Get a life, I won't stoop down to your level.' Well then, be surprised that you started this. Let me finish it.

--End of my answer

Please pardon my grammatical errors as I've only posted this last night and I've mda no attempt to check it. At least, I don't write in 4s, 2s, Ns and thnxs. Anyway, I have to explain what I said about JK Rowling's writing style. While I may be a big, big fan of HP, I also keep my mind open about its flaws. Mainly, the style that is now tailored for everyone which is seriously downplayed since 2nd graders might not understand it. Now I will not sit by and let some kid who thinks that Artemis Fowl and Harry Potter are stellar achievements in literature insult me. Obviously, this one doesn't know about Ernest Hemingway. It's easy enough to figure that out.

For Shay & Magic Wishing Pebbles' defense of the greatest writer in the whole wide world

2004-12-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

To Shay: Isn't it cool that when one says To Shay, it's like saying Touché? What you said was very flattering, unfortunately, I'm 17, arrogant, touchy and immensely immature. Also, it's not actually just the grammar that bothers me. To tell you the truth, it's only a trifle but the things that really tick me off are the inconsistencies in characterizations, lame plots if there are any at all and attitudes that are so insufferable.
They also seem to have a secret organization that helps each other to churn out endless crap. Look at the msg below.

Message:

Magic Pebbles (cloudy supporter) 2004-11-27 2 Anonymous
Okay. This is for Bet you love that.

Cant you give Cloudy-Skies86 a break? I mean not everyone is perfect! I myself make plenty of error when typing and I don't think that it is fair saying all this stuff to her! Okay maybe all her work is not right in every teenie, detail, but there is no need to constantly rave at her! I'm not trying to be nasty to you, but If I had work flamed like this, it would crush me like a cardboard box!

And I also dislike the way in one of your reveiws you said nasty stuff about her instead of the story!!

Actualy I just scaned thorugh all of your reveiws (see I dont do everything perfect either)and I actualy think that this is an ABSOLUTE DISGRACE what you are doing! Can't you stop? I would never flame someone like this! I find it downright rude and distressing!

Also you should not swear in your reveiws. Especialy not at someone. (as I have already stated though not in this temper) FLAME THE STORY (I know you do ) BUT DO NOT FLAME THE AUTHOR!
Better go and do some target practise, eh? Okay my own gob is not very cillvised and clean, but at least I can control it!

Can you actualy feel what this is like for someone? Its so horrible! I think you have actualy made yourself exteamly unpopular on this site! Im sure cloudy is sick of this so LEAVE HER BE! If I was her right now, you would be very sorry indeed...

Look I know this is tedious and unessesary, but I feel it is. Ha.

Looking at your work, I think it is clear that you are not the most amazing person you seem to want people to think you are! You've had flames too I see? Well now do you take at least SOME notice of what you are doing?

All in all, you make me sick.

Sorry about that cloudy, mellon nin. I bet you really wanted this on your story! (sorry!) She's not even going to read this is she? But I don't belive in keeping feelings bottled up. This had to come out eventualy.

Anyway, please ignore this person and continue. I hate too see things like what she did. Anybody who swear and constantly undermines you is not worth two pebbles.

And now the power and rage has now left me. I am at peace again. She is not the best author in the world! WE ARE ALL HERE TO WRITE ABOUT WHAT WE LIKE AND CLOUDY HAS DONE THAT. THIS IS NOT A SITE ' COME HERE TO HAVE YOUR SPIRIT ELIMINATED!'

Anyway I really hope you are not angry for me doing this, but thats what I want to say to her.

Farewell! And may bring you the happiest times yet to come,

Love,
Magic Pebbles. :)

---End of lovely message

I'm sorry MWP, did you want me to flame you? Are you so deprived of attention that you have to attract mine? Think RECIPROCITY. If Cloudy Skies is free to post her ugly crap that makes people gag, why can't I tell her things that should make her gag? I would write an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, but it's not what it really stands for, right anonymous #3?
If you think i'm not the best writer in the world...er, so what? I'm not trying to make you believe that I am. Besides, what you see in my FFN profile is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm not going to brag but I tell you I know what I can do and i'm not in the habit of considering opinions from someone who doesn't have a proper grasp of elementary logic. Besides, you're hiding in anonymity while attacking me. In Britain, they'd call you a cad or a mucker. Now, me. I'm not even going to try to deny that I'm a meanie. How's that?

deep breath

2004-11-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

I want people to see this: I am immune to gibes regarding my being pathetic. You do not know my state of affairs. It's somewhere between snacking on sturgeon caviar and stealing crack from hobos.

To Anonymous number 3: Is that you Father Zossima? I'm afraid that Alyosha is no longer the fair and pure child that you have given your precious guidance to. He has been corrupted due to social decay and is now happily enjoying his post as a flamer of bad stories.
No, really, I'd like to advise you not to feel ashamed of me because we are in no way connected by a positive tie. Fine, you can be the human and I can be the monkey who knows better. It doesn't make any difference to me. This is NOT about me. I, for one, think that what these girls are doing (flaming me back) is more suggestive of loser behavior than my flaming them in the first place. About the golden rule, if I make mistakes and I'm being incredibly stubborn about it, I'd want someone to give me a splash of ice-cold water. D'you know what I mean? It would actually make me feel worse if I've been repeating the same mistake and no one bothers to correct me. Kindly lay of my attitude because I have my reasons for acting this way.
See Nikolai Chernyshevsky's "The Anthropological Principle of Philosophy" or his book "What is to be Done?" about people being nice. He actually has a point. Fact is I could be nice if I so choose to but this is a self-appointed job that requires spunk and meanness, so don't take it personally. Did I flame you?
Did you even notice how much hatred I inspire from people by telling them the truth about what they're doing? I could do it in another way, you know, the nice way but I doubt that these "writers" would listen. They're after praises. Constructive criticism, they don't take mostly. Now, a constructive criticism in the guise of a flame will surely get their attention. If they ignore it and attack me instead of finding ways to correct themselves, they're the ones who lost something of value. They may not want it but in writing, corrections are not a matter of preference but of need. If you still want to wonder why I'm like this, you're wasting time. Underneath it all, I'm just a normal person who was inevitably pissed off by the amount of crap that people pile in cyberspace nowadays and decided to do something about it. I have mentioned that it's a self-appointed task but that doesn't mean I am all that's responsible for such a decision.

to Celestial_Maiden: sorry about the screw-up of your name. What you posted below makes sense. I've been called a bitch, a wank, a pervert among other things but it's hard to take curses seriously because you know you've backed someone into a corner when he/she starts spouting barren words that exhibit lack of education. I won't deny that I cuss a lot but if I direct it to someone, it's a joke more than anything else and I never mean it personally. You're right, that's low. I just tell them to die and make the world a better place. :)

Pissy Cloudy

2004-11-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

This fanfiction is not mine. May I be struck by lightning and have my dick pickled should I write something nearly or as abysmal as the following selection.

-Start of fic

Hey! Cloudy-Skies86 here to welcome you to the revised version of my first Saiyuki fanfic. Please read and review. (She tells us this is revised. Maybe in another galaxy, they have another definition of the word revised which is perhaps synonymous with mucopurulent.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or any of its characters so please do not sue me, however, I do own Emiko, Lady Suki, and Chibi please ask me before using any of these people. (She admits to the ownership of the things that make me and good people bleed involuntarily. Where's that mob who's supposed to burn a hakenkreuz on her face?)

The silhouette of two slender women can be seen in a tiny room, "So you understand why I am doing what I am doing…right?" the woman in the doorway asked nervously, rocking the bundle in her arms. (Of course I understand. You’re trying to commit genocide by spreading the love and your legs.)
"Yes Lady Suki," the other woman nodded. (How about using commas correctly? That is a bigger crime than using single quotation marks.)

"Good," Lady Suki answered, her voice as soft as (her breasts with budding carnations at their peaks that are overflowing with skim chocolate milk that makes people beautiful) ever, "I really love her, but I cannot care for her. I really appreciate all you are doing for me Chibi," the woman said lovingly (Kudos to the one who can spot the lesbian innuendo).

"It is my pleasure madam," Chibi replied (Strawberry Pocky if you get that too).

Lady Suki looked down at the bundle in her arms, "I love you my child. I know you are an infant and do not understand what I am doing, but hopefully one day you will," she looked back up at Chibi (incorrect usage of comma again), "Please take good care of my child. When she is old enough to understand, please let her know that I love her," she gently handed to bundle to Chibi (and again), "Give her a name that expresses her beauty and tells how special she really is," (How, pray tell, does Emiko represent said characteristics?) Lady Suki asked before covering he (her) face with her hands and running out.

Chibi looked down at the child in her arms than back to the open door, "I do not understand why you are doing this to your one and only child," she said solemnly. She looked back down at the child, "You are a blessed, beautiful child (of course she’s blessed and beautiful for the god of this universe is the author that is immune to hallucinogens because her delusions can easily mask any substance, natural or otherwise)," the infant began to cry, "I am here so cry not…Emiko." (Emiko is the name that she denies having any connection with except its being the name of her OC despite the glaring obviousness.)

(12 years later)

A young girl with a collar-bone length (note that it’s collar-bone length, not collar length, collarbone length or clavicle length), black ponytail, is running through the semi-crowded (semi-crowded…can you see the colors that this “story” induces? Ha, no, that was the morphine helping me get through this. In case you haven't noticed, I'm being sarcstic.) hallway, her blood-red eyes wide with fear and a meat bun hanging from her mouth. She pushed through the people in the hall, causing them all to turn around and look at her (because of her divine grace, the author imagines).

"Give that back you little thief," Gojun yelled as he quickly rounded the corner after her. The young child looked over her shoulder nervously before rounding another corner, "I said give it back!" Gojun yelled as he too rounded the corner. (Gojun is purposefully boring because original characters are more important than him. Remember Kazuya Minekura is merely a vessel for this author’s unparalleled talent. Maybe, someday we would see Minekura-san groveling for the rights of these original characters.)

He ran right past the little girl, who had pressed herself against the wall, "Heh heh," she laughed as she walked back around the corner and through the meat bun in the air. (And so we know that the phrase “her blood-red eyes wide with fear,” was mentioned in order to exhibit the red eyes, the author either does not know how to show that in a more original way [which is very understandable since she came up with fantabulous original characters that there was nothing left of her “creativity”] or simply doesn’t care about the incongruity of her statements. If you didn't understand that, try this: how could she appear to be so afraid a little while ago and then become mischievous all of a sudden?)

She was very surprised to see that it didn't come back down, (another misplaced comma) "Are you being a bad little girl,(?)" came a familiar voice from behind her.

She nervously turned around, but smiled big when she saw Tenpou smiling down at her (I can practically see the atmosphere crackling with electricity because of the amazing descriptions and the author’s strength in showing the depth of character that Emiko has. She smiles big, after all.), "Tenpy," she said excitedly as she jumped up and hugged him. (Please let’s not start with the Tenpy. I don’t have enough bottles of aspirins.)
"Hey sweetheart," he smiled as he returned the hug (“Tenpy” has a library and he found in one of the books that if you want to be a lover and a mother to the same person, one should use the term “sweetheart.”), "Now now," he said as he lowered (who?) back down to the floor, "You're how old now?" he asked politely (and secretly wished that her panties would fall as she answers the question because he’s a pedophile and is sick of mastErbating all day [note that the incorrect spelling is coined from the author]).
"Twelve," she said happily. (“And I already have my period so we can produce offspring named Sweetheart Tenpy, Sweetheart Hakky and Sweetheart Emi.")
"So aren't you a little old to be playing these sorts of tricks?" he asked sternly. (The innuendo is as clear as a putrescent blemish on Sanzo-sama’s awesome face. For the sake of the ignorant: A little old = old enough to be deflowered)
"But Tenpy," She whined. (“I thought you liked me!”)
"But Tenpy nothing young one," he kneeled down in front of her when he noticed her pouting, and held her chin, "I know you're bored, but if you keep getting in trouble, Lady Chibi will get in trouble too. You don't want that do you?" he said politely. (Great job on not making Hakkai a one-dimensional character. You used the sentence “he said politely,” twice in the same brain-dead conversation.)
"I guess not," she said sadly.
"Now that's a good a girl," Tenpou said as he stood up.
"There you are you little mongrel," Gojun said angrily as he ran up behind her, it was evident that he was out of breath.
"Now now, is that really necessary?" Tenpou smiled.
"She stole my food," Gojun said, fire (from the foulest farts of forty-year old fat fucks) in his eyes.

"And I took it back. I told her that it was wrong and she agreed to try to behave herself," Tenpou said, a little aggravated himself.

"She still needs to be punished for what she did," Gojun insisted (Don’t you think a little more description would help to show how determined Gojun is? Something perhaps that has nothing to do with stupid fire in the eyes because that is so lame and ubiquitous?)

"Tenpy," the little girl said, looking up at him with big, innocent eyes. (See what I mean? People with no talent, read: T-A-L-E-N-T-L-E-S-S, just couldn’t do without the cliché “The eyes are the windows to the soul.”)

"Yes," Tenpou smiled down at her. (“While Kenren Taisho is asleep, I shall swallow his balls and kiss you afterwards, dear sweetheart, child of innocence, mischief, beauty and blessedness.”)

"I really am sorry, I did learn my lesson, honest," she said sweetly. (and sweetness too!)

"I know that Emiko, but don't tell me, tell Angry-With-Scales over there," he commented (Was that supposed to be witty? Sounds like a rip-off from a Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie.).
Gojun gave him a dirty look. Emiko turned around and looked at Gojun innocently, "I'm sorry Master Gojun," she said sweetly. (Is there more to this OC than sweetness, innocence and all that uneducated claptrap?)
"Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it Emiko, you know that," he scorned.

"May I please go back to my room?" she asked, sweeter still.

"No," Gojun scolded. (People scold others with only one negative word? Is that some new technology or holy ritual? I certainly haven’t heard of the verb ‘scold’ being used in this context.)

"Let her go Gojun," Tenpou insisted.

"Do not tell me what to do," Gojun said angrily. (Wow! Is this déjà vu or what? Insisted? Angrily? With the exception of the verbs and adverbs that you used out of context, you can probably count the parts of your vocabulary with one hand. Let me also tell you that words that you can spell but cannot define will not count as part of your active or passive vocabulary.)

Tenpou smiled down at Emiko, "Let us grown-ups talk ok. You go back to your room."

"Ok, but can I ask you something first?" she said sweetly.

"Yes," Tenpou nodded.

"Are you gonna finish that?" she asked, pointing at the meat bun. (How original! You basically just added salt, pepper and cream of tartar to Lirin to create Emiko. I have to applaud you though. I didn’t think you could make something more tasteless by adding ingredients.)

"Oh, no. Go on ahead and have it," he smiled as he handed it to her.

Gojun looked slightly annoyed (‘with’ would be more appropriate) at this delay in his discussion with Tenpou, "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Just take the man's food," Gojun insisted.

"Ok," she said happily as the (she) took the meat bun and skipped off.

"Now where were we," Gojun thought, "Oh yes, she is a little thief. She strolled into my office and took my food right out from under (confusion with prepositions. If you aced your English test, my guinea pig could be your professor…that is if I have a guinea pig who is dumb enough to teach you.) my nose," he said angrily.

"Yes, and I took it from her and told her that she needs to stay out of trouble," Tenpou argued.

"Look, I won't tell the Jade Emperor of this. May I just please have my lunch," he asked, holding out his hand.

"Absolutely," Tenpou answered as he went to give him the meat bun, "That's weird," he said, checking his pockets, "Where did it go?"

Both the men's eyes got big as they looked at each other, "Emiko!" they said in unison. They both ran as fast as they could in the direction that she had went (use past participle of go: gone).
Emiko sat staring out the window of the tiny, servant's quarter, "I'm soooooo bored," she whined. (I could say the same for this story.)

"I know Lady Emiko, but you are being punished for what you did," Chibi said quietly. Chibi was a tall slender woman that looked quiet (quite. So much about your bragging that you’ve grown up as a writer quite a BIT. I can’t even give you a teeny-weeny bit.) a bit like Gojun, but she was pitch-black, with bright blue eyes. She wore the normal clothing of a servant woman. (Chibi is the Japanese word for small and yet she’s a tall slender woman. Woman, are you being sarcastic? Because I sure as hell am.)

"But it was so fun," Emiko smiled, eyes twinkling.

"Yeah, but was it worth it?" she asked. (No, reading this is certainly not worth it.)

"Hmmm," Emiko thought for a moment, "It was a really good meat bun," she said.

"Lady Emiko!" Chibi said, a little surprised.

"Ok ok," she said excitedly, "Maybe it wasn't that good," she confessed.

"Well just think, this gives us a chance to talk," Chibi smiled as she walked over to the end of the bed and began to fold clothes.

"Oh joy," Emiko said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Uh," Chibi said, slightly offended.

"Ok ok," Emiko walked over and plopped down on the bed, "What you wanna talk about?" she asked, not very enthused (“disinterestedly” would be a good choice of word but you didn’t know that.).

"I don't know," Chibi replied, "I know you ask me whatever you want and I'll answer, sorta like…twenty questions," she said happily.

"Ok, do you honestly hate me this much?" Emiko asked. (I do.)

"Lady Emiko!" Chibi looked a little shocked.

"Kidding kidding," Emiko said, waving her hands in the air.

"Fine I'll go first, why do have to be such a little trouble-maker?" Chibi asked.

"Ha ha ha. Fine I'll play your little game…hmm, why do you call me Lady Emiko?" Emiko asked.

Chibi looked a little surprised, "Ok game over," she said quickly.

"Why? You wanted to play this little game, so let's play. Why do you call me Lady?" Emiko asked once more.

"You are a goddess and I am a servant," Chibi answered hesitantly.

"Me…a goddess?" Emiko asked unbelievingly. (What a surprise. I think there’s pee in my undies.)

"Well, half goddess," she corrected herself.

"Hmmm, what's my other half then?" Emiko asked curiously.

"Demon," Chibi answered, hesitant once more.

"Demon!" Emiko asked excitedly. (Of course she should be excited. Some demons have more than six dicks and libidos as fiery as balrogs.)

"Yes," Chibi replied, she seemed a little worried.

"Is that why my mother didn't want me?" she asked, sadness evident in her voice.

"She realized that you would not be excepted (or is it ‘accepted?’), so it was better for you to live your live here with me. You'll live her and die here."

"Die!?!" Emiko asked worriedly, "But Chibi, I don't wanna die." (Oh but I want you to die for the sake of the dolphins.)

"And I don't want you to die," Chibi said honestly.

"I'm half goddess, there must be something I can do to stop it," Emiko said hopefully.

"Well," Chibi began. She shook her head, "No there's not," she lied.

"Please tell me the truth," Emiko begged. (Can you please elaborate how in the hell did Emiko figure out that Chibi was lying? Your thinking is so erratic.)
Chibi walked over to her and removed the chocker from around the young child's neck, "There," she smiled.

"What did you do?" Emiko asked.

"Go look in the mirror," Chibi ordered as she pointed to it.

Emiko walked over to the mirror, her long black hair was now sporting some blood red highlights. Her left eye was red and the right eye gold. (The hairdresser had a hard time imagining this because it’s so original and revolutionary like using peacock feathers as pubic hair substitute.)

"Wow," she said as she placed her hand over her gold eye. (Why didn't you make her poke it?)

"Without your chocker (choker) you are immortal, with it you will age and are capable of death," Chibi said as she walked up behind the young girl.

"I won't die now?" she asked excitedly.

"No, but you will not age either," Chibi warned.

"That's fine by me," Emiko smiled, "I'm not sure I could get any more adorable anyway." (That’s what I was afraid of.)

Chibi laughed a little, but it passed and she looked a little worried, "We must hide this," she said as she frantically looked for a place to put the chocker (I don’t have to tell you thrice.).

"Not in here they'll find it," Emiko pointed out.

"Good point," Chibi said.

"I have an idea," Emiko smiled.

(Goku's Voice) Next chapter of Saiyuki. I enter the picture and Emiko and I become fairly good friends, but will she be able to stay out of trouble long enough for us to enjoy our time together? Next chapter 'Enter Goku'. (What happened to Konzen and Nataku? You're leaving so many things out. Your mediocre style, dispersed ideas, lack of talent, and arrogance will be the death of you.)
Well that's the end of chapter one. I hope you enjoyed it. Please read and review. (Yes, I'm reviewing.)

-End of Story/MST

Note: Sentences beginning with >> are my comments.
CloudySkies86 message:

Ok ok, I'll play your little game. First I would like to say that when I read your reviews, I cried. Not tears of pain, but because I was laughing so hard. You are positively pathetic. Why do you keep coming at me? I really am starting to believe that you have a thing for me and it makes me very uncomfortable.

I see you are starting your sentences with capitals, for this I am proud of you. I also wanted to point out that to you, Bubba, I didn't just call you forty, I believe I said, and I quote, "but I think you are some FATASS, BALDING, fouty-year old, MAN" so if you are only defending the fact that you are not forty, you are one very deformed young girl and YOU have the illness.

>>I will neither confirm nor deny her assumptions regarding my physical attributes. Maybe I am, Maybe I'm not but that's not gonna change the fact that she has no talent whatsoever. This is not about me because I know what I can do. Sometimes, I write sentences with grammatical errors but I'm willing to correct them, given the chance and the time. The latter which I'm afraid I lack, thus the typographical errors. However, it must be said that I proofread my stories before posting them.
I hope this will ease your discomfort: I don't feel anything remotely romantic or sexual for you because I demand good communication skills from my lovers. Let's see you report me to FFN authorities so they can remove my account. That's exactly what a loser would do in times of desperation.

Let me get this straight, if I find one grammar problem, then you will treat me like a human being? Well, like I said, I didn't bother reading your fic, you didn't really read mine either so, I guess we are even. What is suprising is that I merely glanced at you fic and I have two problems. First off, if you payed attention in english class (which is hard to believe since you don't even know what a pronoun is), than you would know that there should be two spaces after the period when you start the next sentence (which I was suprised to see started with a capital). Second off, 'this' is not a quotation, "this" is. 'This' symbol is used in words like don't, example: You DON'T have any room to insult me, or, I DON'T have time to waste critique every word of every chapter of your fic because I have to get to work on finishing mine.

There you go, not one, but two. Now leave me be so I can sit here and laugh at your stupidity. Please move on to someone who will not retaliate against you. If your harrasing doesn't (there's that symbol again) stop, I will not hesitate to report you. No it's (look look there it is again) not because I can't (look look it is being used properly) keep up with you, or that you're really affecting me at all, it is just because I really am tired of this and must focus on my fics.

>>Seeing as you 'PAYED' attention to your English classes, how could you believe something that is wrong all these years? Two spaces after a period in the sentence that used a pronoun? What kind of new invention is that? Your textbook writers must be on smack. Silly dear, when you mentioned that these "" are quotation marks, not these '', I had my doubts confirmed. You don't read classical novels. More than that, you didn't read Lord of the Rings where Tolkien used SINGLE QUOTATION MARKS and you have the audacity to desecrate it. Now, can you understand that it is left on the discretion of the writer if he or she uses single or double quotation marks? I like old style writing so I use singles. That symbol which you are desperately trying to tell me about is called apostrophe. Use two of these apostrophes and you have single quotation marks. I hope I have clarified that.
I can accept mistakes but please don't correct me if you're wrong or uncertain.
On the matter of your focus being on your fics, I have to question your credibility. I read your stories and they have been written poorly and carelessly. The MST will do you a lot of good because it appears that you're not paying attention to the reviewers who were nice enough to correct you nicely. Also, it's beginning to dawn on me why you refuse to read my story. You're afraid to find out that despite my chronic assaholic behavior, I am out of your league, way above you and the sky you look up to. I can safely say that because I read worthwhile materials that guide me through the writing process. But this isn't about me. As I said, I know what I can do. I make mistakes and am gracious enough to accept them as long as they really are erroneous.

This has been fun really Bubba, but let's just let this go ok? I don't want to be fifty and you seventy-two, and still have this silly little charade going on.

Oh and I forgot to say this before, DON'T CALL ME DEAR you sick, obsessive, pervert.

>>I'm a pervert. Really, I am. I'll send you a picture soon.

Signed,
Yes yes, this is good.

>>What's with this trademark saying that has absolutely no trace of wisdom in it? Is Vanilla Ice your idol? I would also like to advise you to place a comma in between the yes's. Then you can register it in your copyright so the whole world could laugh at you.

drunk ladies and manners

2004-10-31T05:27:00.000-07:00

Drunk lady has kindly made the following review for yours truly:
A fanfic dedicated to me? Nah… I’m certainly NOT honored nor happy about your fic. You know why? Because this is just a piece of TRASH. Why don’t you try printing your fics and wipe it on your sorry ass.
One more thing, I made a mistake by saying that you are perfect, coz the truth is, you just flatter yourself by thinking that you are perfect, yet, you’re just a bragging crazy know-it-all BITCH.
And don’t you ever flame on Randy’s Obsession’s works. Your talent in writing is absolutely NOTHING compared to hers. And your fanfic? It will look like shit when put side by side with Randy’s Obsession’s worst work. DUH.
And don’t make a fool out of yourself that you are a good writer. Actually, you’re the worst I’ve seen. I mean, what’s the point of writing Mary Sue fics? Did it change anything? No. There are still thousands of OC writers here in and you can’t do anything to control them. You’re just wasting your time and by that, I can say that you are STUPID.
I tried to be nice to you but you wasted everything. You don’t deserve my first letter. You deserve a series of FUCKs, SHITs, ASSHOLEs, BUMs and AIRHEAD’s. And don’t ever think of replying to my review coz I can’t bear another letter from a hopeless freak like you.

P.S.
You know what, you’re just using your excellent vocabulary to put some spunk on your story. The reality is that, your stories are hollow. And they suck.

End of message

> notice how angry the sender is that she didn't notice how utterly presumptuous she's being. she presumes that i haven't written anything besides the stuff in FFN. i haven't posted more of my decent stuff yet because i'm too busy flaming the incorrigible (you) and the insufferable (you and the rest of the angry mob). also, it's really funny how ill-bred people resort to such language when genuinely insulted. pain sometimes make people do very unwise things. anyhow, it's boring how people challenge me to write and then deny my greatness, be it my excellent vocabulary or my plain mockery of the truth. i don't think i deserved your mail at all. no one needs to be subjected through horrific means of communication. i am appalled. don't try too hard to come up with such witty remarks. you fail miserably with the effort. and it pains me to be reminded of your existence.
who asked you to be nice to me anyway? i certainly didn't beg for it.
for your benefit, i kindly ask you to refrain from saying things like 'DUH' because it's a daft American expression. while ashton kutcher may have snagged the luscious Demi Moore, i'm sure his being DUH doesn't help him win over arguments.
i don't see how a series of expletives could possibly affect me. i tell the teapot the same thing everyday and it doesn't crack. while there may still be legions of undying OC writers and lovers out there, i could hardly say i'm being stupid by flaming them because i am obviously affecting you so much that you came up with a comeback as lame as Barney, the purple dinosaur. it's a sound and well invested effort to show you the truth.
how sure are you that you are not being partial when you told me that i'm the worst writer you've ever seen? don't you think it's amazing how amusing i think your repartees are? i don't get insulted or hurt because i know the extent of my capabilities. i don't have to prove it because i know very well where i stand. it just so happens too that i also know where you and your kind stand.
as a side note, there's nothing wrong with being a know-it-all as long as one has what it takes. i do but you don't have to believe me because you are suffering from a very deep pain in your heart borne of insecurity and i don't know what else, your parents ignoring you. you can't stand to be corrected. writers shouldn't have this kind of weakness if they are going to be writers at all. why do you think there are critics and editors?

on a less intelligible note by aLexIa_69 (rayuu77@hellokitty.com):
::U SAID YER SUCH A GOOD WRITER..YET YER ONLY "COMPARING" YERSELF TO THESE AMATEURS HERE IN FFN...HOW PATHETIC... & TO THINK THAT MOST "AUTHORS" HERE ARE MERELY KIDDOS WHO R JUS TRYIN TO KILL THE TIME...WHY NOT FLAME OR BETA-READ THE WORKS OF ROBERT LUDLUM, OR STEPHEN KING, OR ANNE RICE, GAYLE LINDS, & OTHER MASTERS OF THE BEST-SELLING NOVELS AROUND D'GLOBE... NOW, THAT SHOULD REALLY BE A *REAL* CHALLENGE, AYT?::

End of message
you know what? i actually see mistakes from the books of stephen king, michael crichton, neil gaiman, clive barker (especially in Coldheart Canyon where I actually had to mark my book) and anne rice. it's not their fault but their editors'. shame, isn't it? it's just too much effort to write them to tell the publishers to republish their books. being a kid doesn't have anything to do with it. i was a kid once and i couldn't remember writing stuff so abysmally. they shouldn't be killing time. they should be killing themselves.
you have hurt me by your unhealthful use of ellipses. disgusting really.

hum, dee, doo, dum, dumb...

2004-10-29T10:28:00.000-06:00

julie-tearjerky, you are apparently unable to process the words that your mind reads. it's not dyslexia although it would be fortunate if it were but from what i gather, it is dementia.
I said: and you're a FILIPINO? shame on you. i've read some fics written by filipinos and a lot of them are good, say Aki Midori, Mifune, Kaara, Night Strider, Foul Fountain of Flies,Castor and Pollux, Kmyth, mrs. rusalki, makasarili, autoxicity, Delusional Lady, Megane-chan, Kaekasu, Archangel Barton, armie santos,goldenflame,mistress KC, dementedchris, wowie, and Cymone.

i am actually holding them to a higher standard because there are several good ones in there. unlike Randy's Possession who seems to be one of the few bad eggs in the prized basket. are you a filipino too? were you upset that you weren't in that list?
and another thing, i'm not the one who misspelled FILIPINOS. it doesn't matter if i'm canadian or danish or russian or kenyan. my flames still hold true. you said that you won't stoop down to my level. i would be hurt if you're the one doing the stooping because i am the one with a proper grasp of the language i'm using. naturally, i'm not hurt because...do you really want me to show you the naked truth? you are butchering the English language. preparatory and crooked is what it is. but you know, i could forget the wrong grammar and awful syntax because most people i know do not have english as their first language. what irks me most (which also leads me to attack the previous flaws because without either of these two, the resulting concoction is a migraine of a gargantuan scale such as your stories) are the deplorable content and dispersed ideas. you're ripping off stuff from writers of your '?exulted?' level. could you spell self-respect? you said you're not mad because of what i told you? then why expend the effort of getting back at me when you can so easily flush the fact of my grim existence down the toilet by just ignoring li'l ol' me? you people are so good at contradicting yourselves. how many times do i have to tell you that that weakens your arguments? see, you made me become redundant!
i have to give props to Celstial_lady...some people are really scared to be corrected. if i were nicer, i'd be beta reading needy people but things being as they are, i only got frustrated. there's a plethora of awful fanfics out there and most of them are beyond repair or dare i say it? salvation. i'll be biting dust long before these people realize that what they're doing is just horrible. desperate times call for desperate measures. one of the sad things that i've learned is that these people are also encouraging each other to write more in a disgusting display of mutual animalistic behavior. like remoras and sharks, no less! only stinkier if there's such a word.
Celestial_Lady, when not in a hurry, i am actually a living, breathing and walking word processor and thesaurus gadget. for all you know, i could be a virus from the year 3000 A.D. if i weren't such a sociopath, i'd like to meet your colleague. anal people are hard to find. one meeting another is nothing short of a miracle.
As for the fic 'For What It Takes.' it really is bad. it is bad on purpose and i'm not fishing for compliments because i wanted to show your reflections in the mirror. although, i must admit, i outdid myself in the randomness of the characters who wrote letters for Maria.
say, some people keep accusing me that i flamed others in order to get reviews. it was a spontaneous thing although i really don't think you'd comprehend that. but even if the opposite were the case, can you tell me truthfully that putting your names on the reviews is not a way of pimping your stories to others? and then you give nice reviews so these people would also feel obligated to give you nice reviews. what hypocrites!
there is another Maria fic in the making but this one's not as deliberately bad as the previous one. tschuss! watch out for that.

A hearty feast

2004-10-25T22:26:00.000-06:00

Denial, denial...you stopped reading because either you're already hurt by the first few paragraphs or scared that things would get more hurtful later on. Are you scared that you might be enlightened or corrected through a demeaning letter from someone so obnoxious and with obviously more talent than you have (with what little you have, it doesn't say much about me)? Boredom is another thing, don't desecrate it. I was bored by reading Anna Karenina and the Existentialist ethic but I had to finish them because I know I will learn a lot from them. Also if I am SO predictable, how come this one didn't show up in your list of prophecies? It would be great if you already know what I'm trying to do because you would be aiding me in my job. You know, taking out the proverbial banana peels.
If you wanted to write a formal letter, it would be as easy as one, two, three: use a Word Processor.
I'm not trying to take away your right to write/freedom of speech and all that (though it would be wonderful I could). I'm just exercising my right to tell you not to write.
I'm sorry to tell you this but by rights, I am a good writer if I were to consider myself as one (or at least better than you who can only attack a little work from me with ambiguous words like meaningless shit, boring and crappy). Sheer modesty prevents that however. I enjoy being neurotic and reading literature both of old and new. Another thing is that if I'm writing, it's never a waste of my time. Didn't you know that devoted writers write not because of the money, the fame or even for the sake of writing itself? Writers write because they need to write and they have to release the surfeit of creative energy within them. You apparently don't get that seeing as how mediocre your story is to merit a wonderful review from me. Which reminds me, which story is it again? Your e-mail doesn't tell me your pen name. Are you scared that I might throw in very creative flames again?
How presumptuous you are! You're so sure that I make predictable plots and you haven't even finished reading my flame? And even if you did finish it, it's not a form of writing that warrants a plot. Tsk, tsk. So desperate, so desperate indeed to get back at ol' evil me. If you're going to do that, strengthen your arguments. Contradicting yourself just proves how big of a whitewash you really are.
You can't hurt me this way and it kind of disappoints me because it means I've overestimated you.
When you said the following statement, were you talking about yourself?

'There, so you have already proven what a fantastic writer you are by boring the minds out of readers, then posting up your boring crap online '

A common case of the pot calling the kettle black, innit? I'm no kettle but you make an excellent pot. I'm just disappointed that I, the little bitch with ITS love for screwing other people (I had to laugh when you said this because people only resort to that type of petty language when they're backed up against the wall), am not doing my job correctly. My flame wasn't boring enough to make you die. *sigh* Why did you have to make fun of my being able to manage a blog? Is that chic or intelligent nowadays? Maybe I'm mistaken in thinking that there's nothing to managing a blog.

I like how you put quotes of wisdom at the bottom. How about this?
'To the ignorant even the words of the wise seem foolishness.' -Euripides, now that's an excerpt!

Guess what. I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA DENY THAT YOU WOULD BE SO HURT YOU'D SAY THAT YOU DELIBERATELY WROTE A CRAPPY AND INFORMAL LETTER, YOU KNOW WHAT? I MIGHT AS WELL RUN OVER 800 CONSECUTIVE CYCLISTS ON THE ROAD AND SHOUT 'OH! I'M SO SORRY, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I DIDN'T MEAN TO!

her gracious weak-minded reply

2004-10-25T21:24:00.000-06:00

I knew you were going to pull off something like that because people like you are so predictable. Which was why I didn't bother to write the letter formally. Put in correct tenses or punctuations. Because if I wanted to write a formal letter, I wouldn't waste my time correcting it for you. I let you waste your time writing me a beautiful essay on how not to write a terrible piece of crap. Which by the way, you just wrote. Meaningless shit which I got bored reading from the first paragraph because I already know what you were gonna do. There, so you have already proven what a fantastic writer you are by boring the minds out of readers, then posting up your boring crap online (just to prove you know how to run a blog site whoohoo good for you!) and then letting people die of boredom from reading it as I almost did (so luckily I didn't read the whole thing), because we all know the plot. This little bitch and its love for screwing others, it doesn't get any easier than that. So then, because you write stuff that everybody knows the lousy plot of, you should just review your own work. Since you know that you're a reviewer of crappy works... and now, have discovered that you are also a writer of crappy works. Works well for you doesn't it? Itslikekillingtwobirdswithonestone.

"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving any evidence of the fact."

George Elliot

Here comes our first customer!

2004-10-25T10:29:00.000-06:00

LETTER OF THE WEEK (with corrections and comments written in bold letters enclosed in parenthesis)

sent through email by: i'll not say cos it'll embarrass him/her.

Couple of things you must know and apparently, you must.

1. Ever read the book 'How to write an acrimonious review'? No, I bet you didn't(NOTE: should be ‘haven’t’). It was never written. Never will be, you know why? Because it would be dumb. But (insert the word ‘that’s’ here)something that you would probably do, obviously. You have enough of those reviews to make you a book, best seller in the catergory 'Asininity Awards'. Something like Darwin Awards, only much more ludicrous.

2. If you think writing up fics is a real waste of time, think of it this way.

-I've written a fic. Improved my ever so disgusting vocabulary. Increases (should be increased)my imagination span(remove this unnecessary word). I'll be able to then grow up maturely to take in 'CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM'(should be CRITICISM), please note that I will be saying this in a very DUH way. There is much difference between contructive (should be ‘constructive’)and destructive. Kinda like plate boundaries. But then again, you must already know this since you're on your way to writing(write would be the more suitable word) your second book in the series of best sellers in 'Asininity Awards'. Title? Don't know, don't really give a shit. But there you go. Then I get to meet people like you on the net.

-But you on the other hand, my darling reviewer who has so far written 2 best sellers. (Unforgivably erroneous punctuations blunt my understanding) whom everyone by the way. (forgive his punctuations, he’s still amateur) has acquiesced (could’ve simply said ‘agreed’)after cogitating for heaven knows how long (yes, you ask why I say cogitate? Because we are nice people unlike some unmentionables... our earnestness to help you solve your little problem) (you think being a sociopath is a small problem?) that you are but a lonely soul (just to put things kindly) who has obviously nothing better to do. Unable to write long excerpts maybe..(writing excerpts would be plagiarism because it is defined as ‘extracts from published materials’) or just in envy. Its (this should be considered as the indicative ‘it’s’ and not the possessive its) hard to say because you do not mention why so its (again the same mistake) best to guess in situations like these. But you contain so much anger in you, so much spite that you desire attention from us writers. (what’s the point of this sentence anyway? Wow, you’re so set on defining yourself as a writer. Not to be rude or derogatory, I don’t consider myself as a writer but I do make better flames than you make stories or letters. Whatcha make of that?) So here. I've give(‘given’ not ‘give) you your attention (hey, it’s my attention. I don’t need anyone to give it to me.). Do you need anything else? Have I wasted enough of your time?

Want to review this review on your reviews? I bet you do. Then I'll bet you are considering emailing me back to tell me on my overuse(overused would suit it more aptly, everybody supposes) and dissonant pieces of vocabulary here and there. Then you'll tell me that 'Oh you actually bothered to write this email to me?'(Nah, I didn’t say this. I just smiled and felt amused.). But after saying this, you'll probably then (Redundancy! You don’t need ‘then’ when the word ‘after’ is already there)think, 'why should I reply, he/she's probably expecting one. Let's give it a little element of surprise by not replying.' but afer (after, rather) reading this, you'll think to yourself. 'WHAT DO I DO?'

3.email or not (insert correct punctuation here) it doesn't matter. Just do us a little favor. Pretend you have a brain darling or not possible (i understand that for someone like you, it serves to be quite difficult) then please kindly remove yourself from our polluted gene pool.(confusion of verbs, kindly rephrase)

'Brother, remove the plank from your eye before you tell me to remove the splinter in mine.'

(In simpler terms; if you’re gonna call anyone crappy, make sure you are not first!)

+++

MY REPLY

1. You wrote; 'Couple of things you must know and apparently, you must'

My answer; You could've just said,' things you must know', because APPARENTLY, what you wrote is not merely a couple of things. And since you have already stated that I must know it, you need NOT expand that APPARENTLY I should know it, this is what one may call overemphasis. (apparent means evident, apparently. you might suspect that I must have looked it up in the dictionary, surprise! I did)

Aboot (I'm Canadian, so instead of aboot, i pronounce it as aboot. Is that ok with you? I know writing is different from speaking actually but i'm more comfortable this way. pardon me in that case.)...aboot this nonexistent book, you want me to write it? i'd gladly do that especially for precious you, but whatever made you think that i will write such. More than likely, you are trying to imply that i'm DUMB which is undeniably a fact. But at least i know how to use the words 'apparent' and 'a couple', unlike you. So that just puts me one notch above your mental capability. Nope, i haven't enough reviews to make a book out of them because as you've noticed, my reviews are more or less occupying only 3 pages and obviously a book can cover a hundred or so leaves. So that just gives me a conclusion that you haven't read or even seen a book. And I'd be much obliged to receive this certain asininity award you're talking aboot. And since you've foreseen that it's gonna be a bestseller then, am i right in thinking that a lot out there are much dumber than i am for buying it. I also like the fact that's it ludicrous; kinda adds to the comic factor, and as you know i love entertaining people.

2. Learn how to use commas. I congratulate you that you improved your ever so disgusting vocabulary because trust me, it's rather abysmal. Uhmmm, speaking of CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM, i haven't heard of it. But i have indeed heard of CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, EVEN MORE SO THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DESTRUCTIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE (NOT CONTRUCTIVE AS YOU TYPED THERE) and i'd like to tell you that since I am an oversized nincompoop in a pair of pyjamas, i didn't get the point of asking aboot constructive and destructive, and this plate boundaries you talked aboot because you failed to stress the details(or the gist) that would give a rational statement why you had to lecture me aboot all that. To begin with, my review is a FLAME. what i don't understand is that you have to confuse between constructive and destructive when plainly a flame is DESTRUCTIVE in all angles. I reviewed your work because it needs telling and repair. And i'm not yet on my way to writing my second book because i HAVEN’T written my first, so what are the possibilities that it IS already a bestseller when it does NOT exist. D’you know your numericals? Never mind. But then you wrote; '....who has written 2 bestsellers.' Again i don't want to stress the point, but may i tell you something? There's a lesson in high school that tackles on organization of ideas, yours are scattered all over this page that i can't quite grasp the various sentiments because in the preceding paragraph you said that i was still on my way to writing it then suddenly, on the next you stated that i've already written it. so are you trying to imply that between reading those two paragraphs i was able to write a book, i mean two books? not to mention publish it and in not more than five minutes, became bestsellers? i have a feeling that you DON’T even know your time table. anyhow, just because you people cogitate, DOESN'T mean you're nice people because it simply means to ponder or to think. Hitler, Stalin, Kamenev, Zinoviev, Kaganovich, Molotov and every other mass murdering bastard did 'cogitate' before subjecting their victims to death. The point? so they must be nice people. Thank you for trying to help me from the malignant chronic illness of my cerebrum that's been poisoning me and my LONELY soul who has obviously nothing good to do. I can't quite imagine a soul doing anything because it just harbors inside my body and nothing more. and so does yours and everybody else's. I'm not catholic so don't talk me out of souls and spirits. Yes, i contain so much anger in me because when i was 5 years old, i raped our neighbor's donkey and was imprisoned in a remote camp in kayafardo, brazil where wardens rape you back 568990 times a minute for bestiality. That didn't end there, after my term which lasted 3 years, i committed another heinous crime by blowing up lyndon johnson's brain with a .45 calibur and whipping his 7 bodyguards to death via use of a chopsticks dipped in uranium. i was only 8 and hunted by the highest ranking investigation officers in canada. even the KGB wanted my extradition from my own country because i was a secret Nazi agent from germany who stole the russian archives that revealed trotsky's proceedings. right now i'm again imprisoned, this time in vulagulo islands prison camp where you eat rotten banana a week and no water (you drink your own urine here) i pleaded guilty for molesting 3975 baby pigs in california state. so i guess life is so unkind to me.

you wrote something aboot me being envious, being envious of, say, writers who don't know their own vocabulary, time table and arrangement of ideas. i'm not really sure maybe i am because you have your free life and all, while i'm confined in a hell's pit. but one thing's certain, i'd rather rot here than use the words COGITATE and ASININITY and BESTSELLER and DESTRUCTIVE and CONSTRUCTIVE without even looking it up in the dictionary and to be the butt of jokes. And i don't even want to talk aboot redundancy, and your so called dissonance and overuse (YOU SHOULD HAVE ENTAILED THE WORD OVERUSE WITH A D; SEE YOUR LETTER FOR POST EDITING). I suggest you ask a linguist to try to fathom your heavily dispersed ideas. Please explain the phrase, enlighten me if you will: 'it's hard to say because you do not mention why so its best to guess in situations like these.' i have an inkling that you assume too much, but hey you're right that i'm a pathetic piece of stinking crap cos i'm holing up in this hole in a cruel prison. Yes, i do want your attention because i don't get any from my parents who are away in MARS right now riding in cassandra 43, columbia's latest shuttle. My siblings, however, were annihilated by the holocaust in the 1940's, so they're all 6 feet under and all of my other relatives were impaled by Vlad Tepes Dracula, the great impaler and leader of revolutionary uses for lard in the 17th century. and yeah, i don't get any attention so i'm telling the world the crimes i've committed so i'll grace the cover of new york times. Yet, they are still to uncover my most grisly crime; FLAMING. Be there when i launch the book because i need attention. I want attention from you because you tell me what to do and you enlighten me with your og mandino/ paulo coelho/ mitch albom, heart warming, psychological, how-to-be-confident, don't-be-down, here's-what-to-do-when-you're-screwed lessons. so i need your attention badly to be noticed because nobody pays me heed and people are not even affected by me because i'm not worth your ass...shit, i'm being repetitive like you. Ain't i? i wonder if poor grammar and sentence construction are contagious. what are you? an imbecile or a resident of any, say, secluded country (though i suppose you're both)? but if i learn that you're an american or a briton or an aussie, i'll be bloody numbed, shiela.

you want an element of surprise? or just a surprise? here it is, your brilliantly composed letter on my profile. like it? nah, bet you love that.

your letter is so delicately magnificent and is very rich in intricate artistry that others may not appreciate it. so to enlighten them i'm gonna give you examples of the kind of brilliance this piece emits. Imagine the subtle splendor of a 400 pound guy with a mustache wearing Cowboy Bebop's Faye Valentine's outfit and the complex artistry in a driftwood with Winnie the Pooh's underwear carved on it.

penultimatum; pretend that i have a brain. There are two arguments involved here, one is; since you're presuming that i don't have a brain, it would be so inconsiderate of you to order me to pretend that i should have a brain. to begin with, a person will not be able to follow any ordain if he/she doesn't have brains. so what you're asking me is not just impossible but improbable. why? because there's nothing to order in the first place for there is an absence of rationale to be obtained from the nonexistent brain that you want me to have. note that a human is a mere exterior without the mind, since the heart is fictional. Secondly; the alternative is you assume that i have a brain given the fact that you're commanding me to pretend. That would only mean that you're wasting your energy in telling me what to do, that is, to have a brain, since you already know that i do have one. otherwise you don't have the required common sense to recognize any piece of subsistent information that's so prevalent in this world. Don't you know your elementary anatomy? Each human is provided with a brain lest he's an amoeba or protist which is composed of a single cell only. Or maybe you are one, i don't know. finally, how can i biologically remove my self in the human gene pool? because why? i'm in the superior area and i'd gladly do that if you give yourself a reality check on your classification. christ knows if you're included among those that are swarming with cow droppings in them, you know, the proverbial banana peel. And oh by the way, since you said that maybe i can't write anything, please read my upcoming fic which i will upload in no time. and feel free to leave heartening, inspiring, reviews. and email me next time aboot it and make a constructive criticism that defines the gap between constructive and destructive. Thank you for understanding my pathetic, unnecessary, god forsaken existence.

note: my faculties are so limited that I couldn’t capitalize letters when necessary.